Chapter 41
I froze mid-step as I backed away.
As I stood there blankly staring in my mother’s direction, a voice that sounded as though it might snap at any moment reached my ears once more.
“Dana… Dana, are you here…?”
I snapped back to my senses and ran to her.
“Mother, Mother…!”
“Dana…?”
“Yes, Mother, it’s me. Are you conscious? How do you feel? Are you in pain anywhere?”
“Dana, my baby….”
Mother tried to raise her hand as though she hadn’t heard my words. I hurriedly took her hand instead.
For a moment, the sensation in my palm was so stiff it felt like grasping a tree branch, and I flinched—but then I held on tightly.
Perhaps she felt my trembling. Only then did Mother look toward me. Focus slowly returned to her clouded eyes.
Letting out a sigh of relief, I asked,
“Mother, are you conscious?”
“Ah….”
After a brief silence, Mother smiled faintly.
“So it was you.”
“Yes, it’s me. Your daughter….”
“My daughter? No….”
“…What?”
When I tilted my head in confusion, Mother stared straight at me with an unreadable gaze and murmured,
“No, you’re not….”
“…Mother?”
“You’re not my Dana. You… you are.”
She asked quietly,
“Who are you?”
I completely froze.
Countless thoughts flooded my mind. Why would she suddenly say that? Did she really figure it out? That I wasn’t her daughter? Why? When? When did she realize?
Then… does she resent me?
Before I could think any further, my mouth moved on its own. As usual, I smiled and spoke lightly.
“Who am I? Come on—who else could I be! I’m your one and only daughter, Seo Dana. Why are you saying such strange things all of a sudden? Did you mistake me for someone else? Ah, that happens. Doctor Jung was just here earlier, you know. He’s still outside even now—”
“No. Our Dana….”
Mother answered at once.
“…wasn’t this talkative.”
“…….”
I fell silent. Watching me, Mother smiled faintly, as if she had reached some conclusion.
“Our Dana… she wasn’t good with words. She wasn’t eloquent and often stumbled over her speech. Especially when she got flustered, she’d stutter badly. When she was young, she was teased a lot because of it.”
“…….”
“And her personality was different too. Dana was timid and very shy, so she struggled to get close to people. Approaching others first was unthinkable for her. And because she was slower than most, people around her didn’t look on her kindly. She was always withdrawn.”
“…….”
“She wasn’t a bright child.”
Mother let out a small sigh.
“But after the accident, she suddenly changed.”
I swallowed hard.
“She became cheerful and talkative. I know I shouldn’t say this, but… it had been so long since I’d seen Dana smile that brightly. That child was always gloomy or frightened.”
“…….”
“I was so happy to see her smile that I never once thought she might be someone else. I didn’t want to. But the longer I spent time with you, the stronger the sense of unease became. In the end, I had no choice but to admit it.”
“What do you mean…?”
“Because you liked me too much.”
“…….”
“Our Dana… didn’t like me that much.”
Mother’s voice trembled.
“Of course she didn’t. She couldn’t do what she wanted from a young age, couldn’t enjoy anything properly. She had to work constantly while taking care of her sick mother. Who would like that? It would be strange not to resent me.”
“…….”
“But accepting that truth was too difficult. If Dana had told me directly that she hated me, that she resented me, I wouldn’t have known what to do… so I turned away. I didn’t take care of that child’s pain.”
“…….”
“How much she must have resented me. How deeply she must have hated me. How much she must have wanted to give up everything…. That’s probably why she went up the mountain.”
By then, Mother was crying.
“When she said she was going into the mountains to gather medicinal herbs, I felt uneasy. That day, Dana’s eyes were strange.”
“…….”
“Unlike usual, she didn’t stutter at all, and she seemed oddly lively. As if something good had happened. But she didn’t look happy at all. I wanted to ask what was wrong, but… I didn’t. I just said I understood.”
“…….”
“Perhaps I already knew. That Dana wasn’t going up the mountain to gather herbs. Even so, I couldn’t give up hope. I believed she wouldn’t make such a choice. That she would come back to me.”
“…….”
“Ah… who did I think I was? What had I ever done for her, to think something so foolish? If only I hadn’t… if only I had asked her properly….”
Mother’s breathing grew ragged. Then, at last, she asked,
“Dana.”
“…….”
“Back then… she died, didn’t she?”
I bit my lip hard. My chest felt like it was being crushed, as though someone were strangling me.
But I had no choice but to answer.
“…Yes.”
“I see. So that’s how it is.”
Mother quietly shed tears.
Just like the first time I had seen her, she cried silently, and I could only lower my head.
After a long while, once she had finally calmed down, Mother spoke again.
“When you woke up—no, when Dana woke up—I was truly happy. I thought Dana had come back. I believed the spirits of heaven and earth had watched over her, had pitied us, and given us one more chance.”
“…….”
“I decided that this time, I would do better. That I wouldn’t run away like a coward, that I would properly become Dana’s support. And when she opened her heart, I would ask for forgiveness.”
“…….”
“So when I realized you weren’t Dana, when I realized you were someone else, I was devastated. Now I… I can’t even ask for forgiveness anymore.”
“…….”
“To be honest, at that time, I wanted to give up on life.”
Suddenly, Mother looked up at me. In her eyes, now free of tears, a warm light flickered.
“But you kept appearing before my eyes.”
“…….”
“You must have had parents of your own too. It couldn’t have been easy to suddenly serve strangers as your parents. And yet, you tried so sincerely to treat me well. You truly liked me, thought of me as your mother….”
“…….”
“And suddenly, I thought—ah, perhaps this child was lonely too.”
I closed my eyes. Heat welled up behind my eyelids, and my body began to tremble. Covering my face with shaking hands, I murmured,
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t say that. I was always grateful to you. You always did your best for me. Sometimes you were so good to me that it scared me. Who was I, to deserve so much….”
“I’m really sorry….”
“I wanted to treat you well. I wanted to repay the affection you gave me. But the more I did, the more you gave back, and as I watched you smile happily at me, I grew attached without realizing it. And then I understood.”
“I—I….”
“That the bond between parent and child doesn’t have to be built on shared blood.”
“…….”
“My child.”
Mother’s eyes were now looking directly into mine. She asked,
“What is your name?”
I cleared my throat, which felt like it would burst into tears at any moment. Then I leaned close to Mother’s ear and whispered quietly.
Hearing my name, Mother smiled faintly.
“It’s a beautiful name.”
“…….”
“I wish I had called you by that name sooner.”
“From now on….”
I spoke haltingly.
“From now on, you can call me that. Please… keep calling me. You can’t go like this. I did wrong. I deceived you. You have to give me a chance to ask for forgiveness. There’s still so much I haven’t done for you yet….”
“My child.”
Mother spoke softly.
“When I said I wanted you to be happy… I meant it with all my heart.”
“…….”
“I don’t want you to be sad. I don’t want you to feel guilty. Because of you, I was happy. As happy as I was, I hope you become even happier than that. Because you are now….”
“…….”
“My daughter.”
“…….”
“My daughter.”
Mother squeezed my hand tightly, then smiled brightly and whispered,
“I love you.”
I couldn’t bring myself to answer. Instead, I rose and embraced her.
The fragile body in my arms felt as though it might shatter at any moment. But the warmth we shared, the overlapping heartbeats, were overwhelming, and I held her even tighter.
Mother and I stayed like that for a long time. When I finally pulled away, I spoke.
“Me too….”
I smiled brightly.
“I love you.”
Mother looked truly happy.
For a while, we talked quietly together. Mother listened to my words, smiled softly now and then. And only when dawn approached did she begin to blink, overcome by fatigue.
Looking at me, Mother tried to say something. I leaned my ear close to her lips. She murmured something softly, then slowly closed her eyes.
Not long after, Mother fell into a deep sleep.
And she never woke up again.
Never.
