Chapter 40
“Dana…?”
Seeing my mother, who had finally come to her senses, I cried out brightly.
“Mother!”
My mother looked around in confusion. It seemed she had no sense of how much time had passed since she fell asleep last time.
I checked her condition and was about to run off to call the physician right away. But it was already dawn, and it was my mother who calmed me down as I panicked.
“Dana, I’m fine. Your mother is fine, so can you tell me how much time has passed? And what happened in the meantime…”
I hesitated, then eventually sat down beside her. And then I began a long story.
It was really nothing more than repeating what I’d talked about over the past few days, but just knowing that my mother was listening made me happy, and I found myself chattering more and more excitedly.
“…So they say she’ll be heading to the Namgung family soon. No one knows when she’ll return once she goes, but it looks like she’s preparing to stay there for quite a long time…”
“Aren’t you going?”
I froze.
“You’re attending the young lady, aren’t you? If the young lady goes, you should go too, shouldn’t you?”
“Ah, well…”
I hesitated. At first, I wanted to say, ‘How could I go anywhere and leave you behind, Mother?’ But somehow, I felt that if I said that, she would tell me, ‘Don’t worry about me and go.’
So instead, I exaggeratedly shook my head as if it were nothing.
“Eh, why would I go there? Do you know how far it is from here to Anhui Province? It’s hard enough just riding a horse, and escorting the young lady all that way? Ugh, there’s no way. I’m satisfied as it is now. Just being alone with you here is much better…”
“You want to go, don’t you?”
“……”
“You want to go. Right?”
At that moment, I was at a loss for words and could only stare blankly at my mother. She looked straight into my eyes, then smiled faintly.
“Dana.”
“Yes…”
“My child.”
“……”
“I want you to do what you want to do. I don’t want you living a life bound to someone else, always watching your step. I want you to live freely, doing what you want.”
“……”
“It might be my selfish wish. But…”
My mother looked down at our clasped hands. A fleeting sadness passed through her lowered eyes.
“I want you to be happy.”
She lifted her head again and smiled gently. But the brief darkness I’d glimpsed kept bothering me, and I spoke seriously.
“I do too. I want you to be happy too, Mother.”
“Yes.”
“That’s why I can’t go. You know it too, don’t you? How fragile your condition is right now. I can’t leave you behind, but taking you with me… I don’t know if your body could endure it…”
“That…”
My mother paused for a moment. Then, with a surprisingly relaxed expression, she said,
“It’ll be fine.”
“Pardon?”
She continued,
“For the first time in a long while, I feel incredibly light. I’m full of strength, my mind is clear. I feel like I could do anything right now. Truly, it’s been so long since I’ve felt this way…”
As I watched her speak with such a refreshed air, I could only tilt my head in confusion.
But my mother was right.
After that, she didn’t fall asleep again.
She could support herself on her own and even eat thin porridge by herself. It was clearly an improvement over before. Overjoyed, I hurried to ask Physician Jung.
“Has my mother gotten better? Is her illness improving?”
“Well… her condition itself doesn’t seem to have changed much, but…”
Physician Jung hesitated before adding,
“Let’s observe her for now.”
He looked uneasy, but I was so excited that I failed to notice his expression.
And that day, my mother said,
“Dana, should I go with you?”
“Pardon?”
She smiled gently.
“You wanted to follow the young lady too, didn’t you? It’s been weighing on my heart that you couldn’t go because of me… but since my body feels better now, I thought maybe I could go with you. Still, I don’t know if the master of the household would allow it.”
I hurriedly replied,
“He will! The young lady said she’d talk to him herself, so I’m sure it’ll be fine! But are you really okay, Mother? It might be tiring…”
“Hehe, are you that happy? I’ve told you several times already, haven’t I? I’m overflowing with strength.”
She laughed out loud.
“Let’s go together.”
With a beaming face, I shouted,
“Yes!”
I immediately ran to the young lady and shared the happy news. As expected, she was delighted too.
“Really? That’s wonderful. I’ll speak to Father myself. He’s never once refused my request. And even if he says no, well, I can just refuse to go myself. He knows how stubborn I am, so he’ll probably allow it.”
Right. The young lady was certainly no ordinary kind of stubborn.
Still, I hadn’t expected her to go that far, so I muttered without thinking.
“Wow, you’d do that much for me? You must really want me to go with you…”
“……”
“You were that worried, young lady? Worried sick that I might not come? Tossing and turning all night? Stamping your feet in anxiety? Soaking your pillow with tears while praying to heaven and earth?”
“Won’t you shut your mouth?”
“Oh come on, why are you so embarrassed? I know your heart. That pure devotion, wanting to be with me forever… Ah, okay, okay! I’m joking!”
Seeing her trembling fist, I quickly backed away. Feeling awkward, I scratched my head, then quietly confessed my true feelings.
“I’m happy too. That I can go with you, young lady.”
“……”
She froze, then abruptly turned away, muttering gruffly,
“…Enough.”
Seeing her ears turn red, I grinned.
Everything was going strangely well.
Just as she’d boasted, the young lady went straight to obtain permission from the master. Thankfully, he agreed readily. He even reassured me, saying he’d provide every convenience.
My mother was happy to hear the news too. She even said, “Dana, when someone shows you kindness, you must repay it.”
We became busy.
There were countless things to prepare for our unexpected companion. But strangely, even though we were constantly on the move, it didn’t feel exhausting at all. As the departure date drew closer, my heart raced.
How fun will it be?
My mother’s illness is improving.
The young lady will grow healthier.
We’ll travel here and there, experiencing all sorts of things. I’ll tease the young lady, and my mother will scold me affectionately.
And they lived happily ever after.
…If only it had turned out that way.
“Mother, Mother?”
Why didn’t I realize it?
That everything going well could also mean that nothing was going well at all.
“Mother, please, no, please, ahh…”
When I think about it, my life had never once—
“No—!”
—gone well.
When I came to my senses, Physician Jung was standing before me.
His expression was darker than ever before. What is it? Why does he look like that?
“My child.”
At his low voice, my blurred memories returned.
‘Ah… right.’
It had been a normal day, like any other, on my way home.
Carrying the special tonic the young lady had thoughtfully given me, telling me to take good care of my mother, I practically ran home, imagining her enjoying it.
But when I arrived, the house was eerily silent. I called out to my mother several times, but there was no answer. Suppressing my growing anxiety, I headed to the inner room.
My mother lay there as usual, asleep.
But her bluish face and motionless body filled me with dread. With trembling hands, I placed my fingers beneath her nose.
I couldn’t feel her breath.
After that, my memory becomes hazy.
Did I run like mad to fetch Physician Jung? Did I clasp my hands together and pray while he examined her?
And now, he had come out of the room…
“How is my mother?”
“……”
“How is she? Is she okay? Did her illness… did it worsen again? She’s just sleeping, right? Right?”
“……”
“Why… why won’t you say anything? Physician, please tell me. My mother…”
“My child.”
Physician Jung spoke calmly.
“Your mother has not passed away yet.”
“……! Then—”
“But…”
He let out a deep sigh.
“You should prepare your heart.”
I froze.
“That earlier improvement was a final flicker of life. She only regained strength briefly, right before the end. Now even that strength is gone. Honestly, it’s a miracle that she’s still breathing at all. I don’t know what she’s holding on for…”
His voice trailed off as he glanced at me. Then he closed his eyes and shook his head.
“Stay by her side now.”
“……”
“You must say your final goodbyes.”
At his words, I stared blankly at the door to the inner room.
I want to open it. I don’t want to open it. With those two conflicting feelings, I slowly approached.
Creak.
As the door opened, I saw my mother.
Lying on the bed, like a corpse.
I can’t go in. I can’t stay. I can’t bear it. I can’t breathe. I feel like I’m going to throw up. I can’t look at her. I have to—have to get out of here…
“Dana…?”
