Episode 42
If he waited any longer, Kaien felt like his chest would just burn up.
He didn’t know if Alicia had actually waited for him after the wedding, but now he couldn’t stop thinking about how hard the past year must have been for her.
The guilt hit him late, but it hit hard.
“Your Majesty?”
Unable to hold back anymore, Kaien got up from the throne, strode over, and pushed the audience chamber doors open himself. Glenn, startled, hurried after him.
“I’m going to the Empress’s quarters.”
Glenn nodded and followed—until someone stepped in front of Kaien.
It was Emma, wearing the same stern, unshakable expression she’d had last night, like she’d been expecting him.
“Your Majesty.”
Her greeting was flawless, but her face clearly said she was ready to risk her neck again if she had to.
“I’m going to see the empress. I need to clear up a misunderstanding.”
“I’m sorry, but word came from the empress’s quarters ahead of time.”
“What? If the empress requested an audience, I should have been—”
Emma didn’t bother wondering why men could regret something and still cling to their pride.
She just said, “Her Majesty has caught a cold and will not see anyone. She told me to inform you that even if you came, you would not be allowed in.”
Kaien froze, repeating her words in his head. It didn’t take long for him to realize—before he could explain himself, Alicia had already locked the door.
“I’ll go anyway.”
“She said she would not meet with you. Even if you are the emperor, you cannot enter if she refuses.”
Sure, if he walked in with a sword, that would be different—but that wasn’t what Kaien wanted right now.
His hurried expression and the look of a man who hadn’t slept all night told Emma she’d done her job, though she didn’t show it.
“Step aside.”
He stared straight down at her.
“Even if she refuses, I’m going.”
That was exactly the answer Emma had hoped for. She gave another graceful bow and moved out of the way. Kaien, forgetting his dignity, left in a rush.
“Your Majesty!” Glenn moved to follow, but Emma cleared her throat loudly.
“Sir Glenn, was my explanation unclear?”
Glenn hesitated, then stayed by her side. Sometimes a noblewoman’s smile was scarier than a knight’s sword.
Now it was all up to fate between those two. No one else could change it.
The sun had set far too quickly for the time of day.
No matter how fast Kaien walked, darkness had already fallen over the empress’s quarters. It was early winter, but tonight it felt especially unfair.
“Your Majesty.”
The chief attendant was standing guard at the entrance, dignified as ever.
But there were no lit rooms, no warmth greeting Kaien like there usually was when he came.
“I hear the empress is ill. Let me in to see her.”
He’d given the same order before, but for some reason, he felt nervous now.
“I’m sorry, but there’s an order not to let anyone in today.”
“I’m giving you a new order—let me in.”
Howard, the chief attendant, kept his composure, pulled a letter from his pocket, and handed it to the emperor.
“She told me to give you this if you insisted.”
Kaien unfolded it with a frown. The elegant handwriting made him instantly think of Alicia—he could almost sense her presence in the ink.
I humbly ask Your Majesty not to come to the empress’s quarters until I have recovered.
The casual, warm tone they’d shared recently was gone, replaced with the distant formality from before. Kaien couldn’t tell if he felt more hurt or empty, but he kept reading.
If you cannot grant my request, then please take my life.
Her signature sat neatly at the bottom. Kaien shut his eyes.
He hadn’t expected this level of rejection—but as with Emma last night, the only way to truly block an emperor’s order was to stake your own life.
“Did she leave any other message?” he asked, sighing.
“No, Your Majesty.”
“She’s… very—” He stopped himself. Asking about her health was pointless; the “cold” clearly wasn’t the real reason.
“So no one can enter, is that it?”
“I’m sorry, but yes.”
“…Fine.”
Kaien’s low, cold reply made Howard shiver with relief when the emperor turned away—he still had his head.
“She turned her back,” whispered Agnes, peeking out from behind the curtains.
Only then did Alicia, lying in bed, stretch lightly.
“Good. At least he didn’t decide to kill me today.”
“That was reckless, Your Majesty,” Agnes said, closing the curtains again. Alicia, in her white nightgown, still had faint redness around her eyes from crying last night.
“What if he had come in to check your temperature, like before?”
“…I don’t know.”
Alicia felt bad for putting the palace staff in danger with her decision, but she couldn’t think of anything else.
“It just… felt better than having to look him in the eye right now.”
Hoping for someone’s affection could be thrilling, even magical—but the moment that magic faded, the emptiness and self-loathing were unbearable.
“Well, he’s gone now, so I should be fine tonight.”
She hadn’t slept much either.
Every time she tried, thoughts kept bubbling up—sometimes she wanted to storm over and demand how he could be so shameless, and other times she wondered what good it would do. She’d tossed and turned too many times to count.
“Please try to rest now, okay?”
“I will. Go. I want to be alone.”
“You’ll sleep?”
“Yes. I’ll rest tonight.”
Agnes left after getting her promise. Alicia was relieved Kaien had gone quietly, but there was still a strange emptiness inside.
She peeked through the curtains again—only the attendant was there—then sighed.
“What am I even doing?”
Her heart felt scattered in a thousand pieces. She couldn’t face Kaien when she didn’t even know what she wanted to say.
“Maybe it was better in my last life, when we had no connection at all.”
She settled into the armchair by the window, head resting against it.
She’d promised to rest, but she knew she wouldn’t fall asleep easily.
“Winter’s here. Maybe he’ll just leave.”
Then things would probably end like they had before. Not that she saw much point in repeating that life.
“The wind…”
The rattling of the window made her frown. It was early winter, but tonight the sound was unusually irritating.
“Ugh.”
She tried to ignore it, but the shaking made it feel like the glass might break.
“Oh, for—”
She got up and pulled the curtain open—and nearly screamed. She managed to cover her mouth just in time.
Tap, tap. The window shook again—not from the wind, but from Kaien, perched on a tree, poking at the glass.
Their eyes met, and Alicia instantly yanked the curtain shut. But the tapping didn’t stop.
“What in the world…”
Unable to take the noise, she opened the curtain again and glared.
Sure, technically, he hadn’t set foot inside the quarters, but this wasn’t much better.
Go back, she mouthed.
Kaien shook his head firmly, scribbled something on paper, and held it up.
There’s a misunderstanding.
Alicia looked away with a scoff. He tore up the note, wrote another, and held it up again.
Just hear me out.
She wanted to snap and ask if he was planning to break in and take her by force—but she also really wanted to know what he had to say.
“I don’t want to see your face right now,” she said coldly as she opened the window, then immediately stepped behind the wall beside it.
“I’ll just listen.”
The cold early-winter air carried his familiar scent to her, making her defenses waver.
“But if you take even one step past this window, I’ll do exactly what I wrote in that letter!”
“…So you will at least listen?”
From how his voice shook, it was obvious he’d been in that tree for a while.
“Alicia?”
And just like that—hearing him say her name—it wasn’t just his voice that was trembling anymore.
Unlock soon!~