WTFUDLS 04

Chapter 04

In the past, whenever someone of the opposite sex approached him, Noeul would rationalize it and inch closer bit by bit. “Going to a café together is fine even for friends,” “I don’t think of her as more than a friend,” “I know girls don’t like ugly guys,” “I really don’t feel anything.”

He would slowly taste that strange sweetness. But the price of tasting even a little sweetness like a rhinoceros beetle’s pee was always terrible. Before he knew it, Noeul would find himself liking the girl, and everyone knew how it would end.

Noeul no longer fell for crumbs of temptation. He knew the pain of greedily chasing a little sweetness. So he decided to cut it off completely. He didn’t need to think of Ji-woo as a bad person or hate her. He just treated her as if she didn’t exist. In his heart, Ji-woo was nothing.

Sitting alone and listening to the lecture, Noeul already felt his mind settle. He could focus entirely on the class. His heart felt completely still. This was the real Noeul. This was how it should be.

The professor said,
“Today’s lecture ends here.”

Noeul packed his bag. Would Ji-woo come find him? Would she ask him to have lunch together? Or like yesterday, go to the PC room? Noeul stared straight ahead but his mind was behind him. He stood with his bag and caught a glimpse of Ji-woo approaching from the right. He strode toward the front door.

“Han Noeul.”

He heard Ji-woo’s voice but pretended not to notice and walked out. The hallway was crowded with students, probably because it was lunchtime. Noeul blended into the crowd and left the building.

Buzz.

Noeul checked his phone. A message from Ji-woo.

[If I knew your eyes were bad, I’d have sat in front with you ㅠ]

Did Ji-woo really consider him a close friend? This closeness only existed because Noeul avoided her. She could be friendly without risk because she knew he had no feelings.

Maybe Ji-woo had no bad intentions. But her intentions didn’t matter. What mattered was that Noeul was swayed by every little thing she did—and he hated that. About ten minutes later, he replied:

[Ah, I thought you didn’t like the front row ㅋㅋ]

He couldn’t ignore her message completely. That would signal anger, which would only attract her more. He had to act like it was all coincidence, like she hadn’t done anything wrong and he wasn’t upset. That way, she wouldn’t pay extra attention, and he could keep his calm.

Buzz.

Another message from Ji-woo.

[7 PM today. Cheongjeok. Possible?]

It was from his classmate, Hyun-su. A flash of disappointment passed through Noeul, but he ignored it and replied:

[OK]

Noeul accepted drinking invitations without question. He wanted to build an image of someone who liked drinking and having fun so others felt comfortable around him. Who came or what they ate didn’t matter. If an ugly guy fussed over details, people would just think he was ridiculous.

Buzz.

[You’re coming to Cheongjeok too, haha. See you later]

A message from Ji-woo. Noeul froze. If she was coming too, he shouldn’t go. But refusing now would signal that her presence affected his choice. That couldn’t happen. He sent a fox emoji drawing a circle over his head.

“Noeul! Noeul!”

Hyun-su waved at him. Noeul waved back. People rarely called his name loudly during the day, but at drinking gatherings it was different. Everyone wanted to sit at his table. His table was always lively. Drinking gatherings were competitive in a hidden way—tables competed to have more fun. Here, Noeul’s value was high.

“You’re here?”

Jun-gi greeted from the next table. He didn’t seem bothered by the fact that Noeul had gone to a PC room with Ji-woo.

The difference between Noeul and Jun-gi at drinking parties was clear: Noeul had to constantly make jokes to be valued; Jun-gi could stay silent and still be respected. Girls didn’t openly try to sit at Jun-gi’s table, but they waited for empty seats and found excuses to sit down. Noeul secretly chuckled at the elaborate reasons, though he never showed it. Acting ignorant and agreeable helped him survive socially.

Some girls arrived, naturally moving toward Jun-gi. Then Ji-woo appeared. Noeul pretended not to notice and grabbed some popcorn.

“Wow, a lot of people today.”

Ji-woo sat next to Noeul. Suddenly, he stood up:

“Ah, wait, this is a terrible spot for the bathroom. Let’s switch seats, Byung-jun.”

Byung-jun, called out by Noeul, glanced at Ji-woo and immediately agreed. Noeul ignored Ji-woo’s gaze and walked past Jun-gi’s table:

“Hey, Hye-mi, you don’t smoke, right? If you’re there, you can’t get out. Jun-gi, switch seats.”

Hye-mi got up, and Jun-gi gave Noeul a look of mock annoyance. Noeul smiled faintly, sensing Ji-woo watching. He sat as far from Ji-woo as possible.

As the drinking continued, games started. Noeul kept the mood lively with stories and jokes.

“Han Noeul!”

Someone called his name. All eyes turned to him. It was Ji-woo. Noeul’s gut twisted. Seeing his name from Ji-woo rarely meant anything good. He looked at his classmates:

“What is it? What is it?”

Hyun-su replied:

“Ji-woo wants you to be her black knight.”

Noeul realized why all the boys looked uneasy. Usually, if a girl asked a boy to be a “black knight,” the crowd cheers. But now, nobody knew how to react. Being ugly made the atmosphere awkward. Ji-woo smiled faintly, seemingly unaware of the tension.

“Got it.”

Noeul said, then walked to Ji-woo’s table and picked up her glass. Silence filled the air. He spoke solemnly:

“Who wants to be the black knight’s black knight? Recruiting black–black knight.”

“Look at that ugly guy.”
“Turning the situation on its head.”

Laughter and teasing erupted. Noeul exaggerated:

“Ah, I trusted you all. My best friends as expected.”

He handed Jun-gi the glass. Jun-gi drank, pretending he had no choice. Noeul laughed but noticed Ji-woo wasn’t smiling. His chest tightened.

Noeul felt himself getting drunk, laughing, chatting endlessly, but he kept thinking about Ji-woo’s expression earlier. Why had she looked that way? Angry? Hurt?

“….”

No, she couldn’t be upset. Maybe she was just teasing, or trying to embarrass him. …He didn’t know. He decided not to think.

Buzz.

Noeul checked his phone.

[I want grape emong]

From Ji-woo. Their eyes met briefly. Her cheeks were flushed from the alcohol, and she looked even cuter than usual. Noeul’s heart thumped; he looked away.

Buzz.

[Let’s go buy it together]

Noeul stared at the message, unsure if he was sober or drunk.

“Hey, why are you looking at your phone when nothing’s happening? Tell a funny story or something.”

A classmate across from him slurred. Noeul chuckled. Good. Normal treatment. He distracted himself and asked his tablemates:

“Anyone want something from the convenience store?”

Responses came quickly, and he stood, announcing:

“I’m going to the convenience store. Message me if you want something.”

“Oh, you’re buying?”
“Send money too. Hyun-su, come with me.”

He left without looking at Ji-woo.

“Hey, make sure this idiot gets back to the dorm safe.”
“Uh, see you next week.”
“Yeah, good job.”

Some classmates staggered out; a few sat on the curb to vomit. Noeul checked his phone to call a taxi. Someone tugged his sleeve. Ji-woo. Her eyes were dazed, half-drunk. She blinked slowly:

“Where are you going?”

“No? …Why?”

“…Why?”

“…Where are you going?”

“I’m heading to Seogok-dong.”

Noeul hesitated, then looked around.

“Wow, why are these idiots so drunk today? I should call taxis for everyone.”

“…What? Why are you—”

Noeul ignored her, checking on a dazed classmate. He called a taxi to Hwamun-dong, then turned to Ji-woo:

“Hey, I’m sending these guys off. Want me to call you a taxi too? Seogok-dong, right?”

Ji-woo stared at him, speechless. Noeul acted oblivious:

“Called it. 3946. Get in when it comes.”

“…Where’s Jun-gi… drunk somewhere?”

“Hey.”
“…Huh?”

Ji-woo glared. Noeul flinched but stayed calm:

“Why?”
“Why are you acting like this?”
“…What?”

The taxi arrived. Ji-woo sighed quietly and got in. Noeul watched until it disappeared at the intersection.

Noeul exhaled. Why ask why? She would never understand what it took for an ugly person to protect their heart.

Today, he thought, he had done well. Maintained his image. The best image an ugly guy could have. He was proud.

But his chest felt heavy.

‘I should get a beer on the way home.’

Who could understand this frustration? The feeling of having to kill the tiny sprout of emotions inside him? Others nurtured theirs into beautiful flowers and sweet fruit, but he couldn’t. His flowers were like Rafflesia. Disgusting smell. Everyone frowned.

“Han Noeul.”

Noeul turned. Hansol stood there, leaning against the wall in crop top and shorts, drunk. Why call him now? Noeul didn’t want to see pretty people, but he stayed calm:

“Why?”

Hansol, wearing colored contacts, staggered closer, almost the same height as Noeul in heels. She leaned close and whispered:

“You like Ji-woo.”