Chapter 18
I grabbed him by the collar and yanked him down. A few buttons popped off and scattered to the ground under the force of my movement. The rough texture of his shirt crinkled in my grip.
Only a breath’s distance remained between us. Our faces were so close that our breaths mingled.
In that moment, it felt like we were the only two living beings in the world.
His bluish-gray eyes were bloodshot, veins having burst to stain them red. I was sure mine looked the same. I gave a cold warning.
“If you plan to hit me, go ahead. I won’t stop you.”
“…Let go.”
The prince’s energy finally subsided. He spoke through clenched teeth.
When I didn’t release him, he grabbed my wrist himself.
Though his build wasn’t especially large, my wrist was completely engulfed in his grip. Without hesitation, he shoved me away.
Prince Valentin stepped back three or four paces.
He brushed off his collar and glared at me with chilly eyes.
“I won’t say I was rude. We both showed some ugly sides.”
“Oh? So you’re going with the ‘mutual offense’ excuse? I disagree. I think it was Your Highness who first provoked me with rude behavior.”
“Enough!”
“Then apologize!”
Neither of us backed down an inch, and we both stood there, breathing heavily.
Only the sound of our breathing filled the silence—until suddenly:
[U-Undine… I’ll return to the spirit realm now…]
Undine, whom I had forgotten about, fluttered in nervously with a frightened voice.
“Ah.”
I had completely forgotten. The tiny spirit flapped her wings timidly, glancing at us.
When I nodded belatedly, her face relaxed in relief and she disappeared.
When I turned my head again, Prince Valentin had already concealed his expression.
He stared blankly at where Undine had vanished, his face unreadable.
The heat of our argument began to cool. From a distance, birds cried out at regular intervals.
“…Ha.”
The prince let out a sudden sigh and swept a hand across his sharp forehead.
His golden hair, dulled in the dark, fell between his fingers. His low voice followed.
“I just didn’t understand your actions. That’s all. I picked a pointless fight. I’ll apologize. I’m sorry. Is that enough?”
“…Is it so detestable to you, that I summon spirits?”
For once, he couldn’t respond immediately and hesitated.
The side of his face illuminated by the fractured moonlight no longer held the smile I’d seen earlier at the entrance ceremony. Only weariness flickered in his expression.
I quietly pressed him.
“Why do you hesitate? You’ve already said everything you wanted to say, even the things you shouldn’t have.”
“…I finally apologized, but if I say more, we’ll just start fighting again.”
“Then you should’ve acted like it was nothing from the beginning. It’s too late now. Why were you so rude to me today?”
Valentin let out another sigh. He bit his lip and stared at the ground for several seconds before finally lifting his head.
His voice was blunt and resigned.
“I just didn’t get why you’d make another spirit contract after already stirring up trouble at the dorm earlier. That’s it.”
He muttered after that:
“You’re not ignorant enough to not know it would cause a scene.”
“…You seem to be misunderstanding something. I didn’t start that commotion. If you only saw part of it…”
“In the end, it was your doing.”
“What?”
“You expelled the Baron Barden family, didn’t you?”
I forgot to use honorifics without meaning to, but he didn’t seem to care.
If anything, he cut his own words short even more.
“That was a mistake. You shouldn’t have driven them out so suddenly. Even if the ducal power smoothed things over, public sympathy is still strong. Especially within the academy—Lady Barden is popular among both students and staff. You must’ve expected some kind of retaliation for crossing her.”
You should’ve been prepared for that much.
Leaning against a tree, the prince crossed his arms and added in a tone like he was pointing out the obvious.
“…Then what should I have done in that moment?”
He shrugged.
“What could you do? Nothing. It was pure luck your maid showed up at just the right time today. You got lucky.”
“You must know—whether or not you studied political science—that criticism without offering an alternative is the worst kind.”
“If it were me, I wouldn’t have gotten into that situation in the first place, Estelle. And even if I had, I wouldn’t have made it worse. It’s frustrating to watch someone take the hard way when the easy way is right there.”
Tch. His tongue-click was loud even in the darkness.
“If you mean ‘easy way,’ you mean—”
“Shrewdness. Flexibility. The ability to smile and let things go even when something’s taken from you. Sociability. Tolerance. The wisdom to bend at the right time.”
He relaxed his crossed arms.
“When people think someone is weaker than them, they become surprisingly generous. Handouts to a laughable opponent come cheap.”
Now it was my turn to cross my arms. He kicked the tree trunk and straightened up from the recoil.
“That’s the mindset I had when my words came out sharper than I meant. I was too harsh. I admit it. I see that now. It won’t happen again. I won’t even glance your way anymore, so can you please let me go?”
He was almost begging.
I clenched my arms tighter.
His intuition was right—the fight was about to start again.
I hated Claude Valentin.
“…The only reason Your Highness could take the ‘easy way’ by being underestimated is because you’re not truly laughable.”
“…What does that mean?”
“You could never truly be seen as laughable.”
“Why?”
Valentin tilted his head toward me and asked.
Because—
“Because you, dear prince, are unavoidably the First Prince.”
Ha. Repeating his own words filled me with bitter laughter.
Judgment, tolerance? Being affable enough to laugh things off?
“If someone truly laughable tried to act like that, they’d be treated worse than a bug.”
Valentin’s face froze.
“Does the hollow title of First Prince frustrate you? Do you hate the umbilical cord you were born with? The only reason you’ve survived this long, even while hiding behind that ridiculous mask and wasting your life, is because of that damned First Prince title, you idiot!”
“Estelle!”
Prince Valentin shouted. His face, caught in the moonlight, was pale.
He growled, trembling with rage and shock.
“What do you know about me, to say such things?”
“What, so you can call me a fool for taking the hard road, but I can’t call you a moron in return? Again? Because you’re a prince?!”
We began barking at each other like wild dogs.
We hurled hatred at each other, spitting and screaming. Reason, our last line of defense, crumbled.
We became ordinary humans, bleeding, stripped of status or gender, simply hating one another.
“Then should I live recklessly like you? Stirring up the world without fear? Making enemies everywhere without knowing what awaits in the end—that’s recklessness! Foolishness!”
“What awaits at the end is death! What else could there be? Aren’t you the same, Your Highness—afraid of death, wasting time while hiding from life? You’ve abandoned your own life. A life that’s so precious—time that drives me mad with how valuable it is! If the alternative is to grovel, wearing a mask and denying your true self, then I’d rather hang at the gallows!”
“That’s something only beasts without reason would say. We’re human! There’s no need to imitate the foolishness of a moth that burns itself in one moment! You’re the one who twisted my words, thinking you have to cause trouble and make enemies! Why walk a thorny path you know will hurt you? Live like that, and no one will ever truly respect or love you—you’ll end up alone!”
“I don’t need such shallow affection! Call me a beast, fine! But I will no longer run away from my life. I won’t forget who I am. I’ll bite the boot that tries to trample me and rise by pinning it to the ground. You can keep living your way. When the Second Prince becomes emperor, the best you’ll get is being a powerless duke on the borders, constantly under threat of assassination. At worst, you’ll die instantly. You say you’re human, but that’s a life lower than a bug. A meaningless existence. Do you realize that? You’re nothing more than a trinket for noble ladies. A cheap, fake brooch—glittering on the outside, but filled with impurities!”
My voice cracked near the end—almost a scream more than words.
Having shouted everything we had, we glared at each other in silence, gasping for air.
