Chapter 77
71. Things That Haven’t Gotten Better
At that moment, Senelia abruptly turned her head to follow Clifford’s gaze—toward Benerucia.
And instantly, she regretted it.
Benerucia’s eyes were wavering, just as Clifford must have expected them to.
“Don’t spout nonsense. Right now, Lucalina is staying at Marquis Ellihan’s estate.”
Benerucia, unable to hide his unease, blurted out the words in an attempt to confirm the truth with Clifford.
Clifford’s lips curved upward into a long smile.
“And how would you know that?”
At his question, both Senelia and Benerucia stiffened.
For fear that Clifford might harm Lucalina, Benerucia had always stationed someone of his own at a distance close enough to keep an eye on her.
And now, in front of Senelia, that fact had been exposed.
Her hands clenched tightly around the hem of her skirt.
“You are greedy, my brother. Planning to keep them both in your hands?”
Clifford reproached Benerucia.
Benerucia’s temper flared.
“Isn’t it because Your Majesty keeps threatening my people…!”
To him, it was unfair.
Even if he married Senelia, it wasn’t as though he could entirely abandon Lucalina.
If one knew the bare minimum of decency, then Benerucia could not treat Lucalina that way.
But the more he tried to explain, the deeper Clifford’s smile grew.
“See, Seli? Didn’t I tell you—he still calls her his?”
Seizing the opening, Clifford pressed further.
“Seli, if I recall correctly, the only condition for me letting you go was that you became the sole leash holding my brother.”
Senelia flinched.
That remark was unpleasant not only for her—but even more so for Benerucia.
“It seems that still isn’t the case. What should be done about this…?”
Clifford deliberately drew out his words, relaxed and mocking.
Benerucia realized he had been completely ensnared by Clifford.
And yet, for him, Lucalina remained his reverse scale—the one thing that could not be touched.
Both Benerucia and Senelia had no choice but to acknowledge it here and now.
“Perhaps it’s fortunate that Benerucia didn’t immediately run off the moment he heard Lucalina was in danger.”
Clifford’s words stabbed into Senelia like a blade.
At the mention of Lucalina, Benerucia’s hand, which had been holding hers, trembled violently.
If not for clutching Senelia’s hand, perhaps he really would have bolted.
Ah, misery engulfed Senelia.
No matter how much she struggled, just Lucalina’s name alone could easily wedge itself between her and Benerucia.
“Seli, I… that’s not…”
Benerucia’s lips moved, desperate to explain his own reaction.
But no excuse would suffice.
No matter what he said, the plain truth was that he still cared about Lucalina.
“It’s all right, Your Grace.”
Cutting off his faltering excuses, Senelia spoke calmly.
“Lord Ellihan is Your Grace’s close friend.”
Every word scraped her tongue like grains of sand.
And yet, being so accustomed to such things, her lips moved smoothly.
“It’s only natural that you would worry about him.”
She smiled softly.
As always.
In contrast, Benerucia’s expression darkened more and more.
Clifford, meanwhile, watched the little play he’d orchestrated with delight.
Even knowing they were dancing in the Emperor’s palm, neither Senelia nor Benerucia could resist.
If emotions could be managed simply by recognizing the truth, then they wouldn’t be emotions.
“Well then, I suppose I should be going.”
After shoving Senelia and Benerucia’s hearts into an abyss, Clifford rose lightly to his feet.
He was indeed a busy Emperor, but it was clear he was leaving only because he had succeeded in driving a wedge between them.
As if to confirm that suspicion, Clifford added before leaving,
“Chamberlain, discard that. It rolled across the floor.”
His finger pointed toward the golden tiara Benerucia had just tossed aside.
“Seli, if you wish, such things can always be made again.”
Until the very end, his words strangled Senelia and turned Benerucia’s insides upside down.
On the way back from the palace to the Afron mansion, Senelia remained quiet the whole ride.
She didn’t show anger, nor did she look hurt. She even seemed to truly accept the fact that Benerucia could not help but worry about Lucalina.
“…Seli, I’d rather you just got angry with me.”
It was Benerucia who couldn’t stand it any longer.
Senelia turned from the window to face him, blinking in genuine surprise.
“…Why would I be angry?”
Her voice was calm.
She truly looked like someone with no anger at all.
And in truth, she wasn’t particularly angry.
From the start… she had never once assumed, without a shred of doubt, that Benerucia had completely cast Lucalina from his heart.
Ah—at that moment, Senelia realized.
That Benerucia loving her and Benerucia making her his only one were entirely different matters.
And that she had never truly expected the latter.
For her, expectations were nothing but a shortcut to disappointment.
“So… you’re saying you’re fine again?”
Benerucia loosened his cravat with frustration.
If Clifford hadn’t provoked him, he never would have spoken of Lucalina in front of Senelia.
And throughout their ambiguous relationship, Benerucia had never particularly hidden his special feelings toward Lucalina.
Back then, in his arrogance, he believed she was his one and only love.
Because of that foolishness, perhaps no one knew better than Senelia what Lucalina meant to him.
That was what Lucalina represented to her.
So how could she possibly be fine?
“You can’t possibly be fine. Get angry at me instead.”
Without realizing it, Benerucia pressed her.
If she grew angry, blamed him, then at least he could apologize or try to comfort her.
But as she did nothing, he was left helpless.
The suffocating frustration nearly choked him.
“I really am fine, Your Grace.”
But what came from Senelia’s lips was the very opposite of what he wanted to hear.
His face twisted.
“How could you be fine…!”
He raised his voice without meaning to.
Her calm face concealed whatever emotions she might be hiding.
If she loved him even a little, she couldn’t possibly be fine.
“Blame me, demand that I think only of you. Only you have the right to do that, Seli.”
Benerucia’s voice was both fervent and pleading.
And yet Senelia’s expression did not waver in the slightest.
The more unmoving she was, the more wretched his face became.
Could it be… was she truly unaffected?
The suspicion bloomed in him instantly.
“Or… is it that you don’t love me that much?”
At last, despair overcame him, and from despair came anger.
Only then did Senelia finally speak.
“Your Grace… you always get angry that I never beg for your love.”
Her eyes lowered, avoiding his.
You ask if I don’t love you.
If I did, why don’t I get angry, why don’t I reproach you?
That was what he demanded of her.
But to Senelia, it was absurd.
If she grew angry and demanded he abandon the other woman, if she begged him to love only her—he surely would.
But even if he did, as long as Lucalina still lingered in his heart, what meaning would those temporary actions hold?
In any sudden crisis like today, his unconscious thoughts would still leap to Lucalina.
And each time, would Senelia have to grow angry again, beg again—until it became a wearisome cycle without end?
How was that any different from begging? She could not tell the difference.
Eight years.
For eight long years, she had wanted, thousands and tens of thousands of times, to beg Benerucia.
Save me.
Spare me.
Please, love me.
The only reason she hadn’t was because she knew that in the face of genuine feelings, begging would crumble to dust.
Above all… after having spent her life crawling on the ground just to cling to survival, she did not want to beg for love as well.
If ordinary people could find love naturally, how wretched would it be that she had to abase herself just to gain it?
And just then, the carriage stopped.
The Afron mansion was not far from the palace.
“Seli, wait—!”
But Senelia ignored Benerucia’s desperate call as she stepped out of the carriage.
