Chapter 31 – Your Thirst
“Did you really think we wouldn’t know why His Grace hasn’t taken Senelia as his Grand Duchess?”
Senelia’s eyes widened.
Now that she thought about it… if Benelucia and Lucalina were so well-known at the time, it made no sense that the Dafnen couple—adults—wouldn’t know about them.
Even if they weren’t interested in high society, there were still many occasions when nobles had to attend social gatherings.
Unknowingly, Senelia turned her pleading gaze to Benelucia.
At the very least—please—let it not be that.
However… Benelucia remained silent.
His silence was his answer.
He had already suspected that the Dafnen couple might know about the relationship between him and Lucalina.
Senelia’s body trembled with betrayal and staggered.
“Selie!”
Startled, Benelucia quickly caught her.
Smack!
Senelia slapped away his hand so fiercely that it echoed loudly.
Her eyes burned with betrayal.
This must have been the biggest reason her mother had so strongly opposed Benelucia.
Even so, her mother must have tried her best not to let Senelia know. She likely knew it would hurt her daughter deeply.
But Benelucia had forced the Countess to speak of his and Lucalina’s relationship in front of Senelia.
Because if she didn’t address it now, his attitude would leave no room for turning back.
“A man who could treat my daughter like that and now claims to love her—how long do you think that love will last?”
The Countess’s words poured out. Words she had held back, not wanting to hurt her daughter.
“You even claimed to have once loved Lady Elian that deeply—and yet your feelings changed.”
Her mother’s words stirred doubts in Senelia that she hadn’t even realized she had.
And they made sense.
Anyone could see she was shaken. Her face betrayed her turmoil and betrayal.
“Silence. That’s an order.”
Benelucia snapped at the Countess irritably. But the response came from Senelia.
“Of course. If it’s the great Grand Duke’s command, it must be obeyed.”
It was clearly sarcastic.
Even as she glared at Benelucia, she couldn’t bring herself to face her mother. She didn’t have the courage.
She wasn’t unaware of the rumors that had spread about her being around Benelucia for so long.
To make an excuse—Senelia had been desperate for those eight years.
Her parents hadn’t said much. They were so indifferent to the social world, she thought they wouldn’t know.
Especially after Senelia got involved with Benelucia, they had stopped paying attention to society altogether, perhaps afraid of stirring up gossip.
She thought unless someone deliberately informed them, they wouldn’t hear about it.
Foolishly, she only realized now—
That they’d cut off their interest in society altogether… because of her.
How could she face her mother now?
“Selie, sit down. This isn’t something to get so worked up about.”
The Countess gently took her daughter’s arm and tried to pull her to a seat.
Her voice clearly revealed concern for her trembling daughter.
More than the shouting, she was worried that her daughter’s anger would harm her health.
Unlike eight years ago, she now knew just how thin her daughter had become.
Senelia was overwhelmed. Her mother still put her first, even in this moment—it was unbearably touching and guilt-inducing.
“…Please allow me a moment alone with Selie.”
Benelucia requested of the Countess.
Senelia still wouldn’t even look at him, and anxiety was written all over his face.
Despite his softened tone, the Countess remained cautious. In that tense atmosphere, Senelia let out a deep sigh and looked only at her mother.
“I’ll talk to him, Mom.”
Mom. A word she hadn’t used much since becoming an adult. That made it all the more tender.
“Will you be alright, Selie?”
The Countess asked in a worried tone. She didn’t want to leave her daughter alone with Benelucia.
Benelucia felt a surge of emotion. He wanted to argue that he’d never hurt Senelia—but at least now, he understood this wasn’t the time to speak out.
“…There are things I need to say.”
In other words, she wasn’t okay.
She was truly sick of always pretending to be fine.
Benelucia flinched as he caught the true meaning behind her words.
Seeing that, Senelia let out a bitter internal laugh.
How funny it was that the power dynamics in love could flip so easily the moment the balance shifted. Her own behavior included.
“…Very well.”
The Countess nodded and left the room. It was as if she had decided to trust her daughter.
Once the Countess left, a cold silence hung in the room.
And just like always, Benelucia was the first to speak.
“Selie, I was wrong.”
“After doing it so many times, have the apologies gotten easier?”
Senelia’s words came out sharp and barbed.
She knew well that provoking Benelucia, even if he claimed to love her, would not serve her well.
But for once, she didn’t care.
If she didn’t even show anger in this situation, wouldn’t that be more suspicious?
Fueled by that logic, she let out all the suppressed resentment she had bottled up.
“From the start… the fact that you think an apology could easily earn forgiveness makes me wonder if it’s even a sincere apology.”
“I never—”
“Didn’t you, though?”
She cut him off.
Not on impulse this time—but deliberately. She didn’t want to hear any more useless excuses.
“When you came here, can you honestly say you didn’t think—even a little—that I might eventually forgive you?”
Benelucia was speechless.
When he heard the news of Count Dafnen’s passing, he had assumed Senelia would never forgive him.
Because you can’t bring back the dead. There’s no second chance for that.
But everything else? Did he think those could be undone?
Benelucia remained silent.
He was listening to her words and seriously contemplating them. As if he had already prepared himself for this moment, long ago.
That surprised Senelia.
Benelucia was a man well-versed in handling women. She had expected him to respond smoothly.
At worst, she figured he might panic at her outburst and say nothing.
But she hadn’t anticipated him taking her words seriously.
Even though her heart was prickly with thorns, she felt oddly unsettled.
She had spent all those years in silence, assuming Benelucia wouldn’t want to hear what she had to say.
But if that hadn’t been the case… then hadn’t she just made a fool of herself?
It was a terrifying thought she didn’t want to believe.
The idea that Benelucia had truly loved her all along. That if she had just been honest, everything might have turned out differently.
That if she hadn’t given up on his love from the start, she might not have lost herself this way.
All of it was unbearable.
Because if those assumptions were true, then his scandal with Lucalina—and the years that had slowly killed her—were all because of her choices.
And so, Benelucia’s silence and regret made Senelia hate him even more.
“I hate you so much, Your Grace.”
Her hand trembled as it clutched her dress. Her long-buried feelings only gained form once they were spoken aloud.
And they were too enormous—too overwhelming—for her to bear.
To think that everything might be solved with his love alone… That kind of helplessness was devastating.
“Selie.”
Benelucia’s voice trembled with concern.
Senelia’s eyes, though holding back tears, turned red. It was a warning.
She didn’t cry. But it looked like she could break down at any moment.
Benelucia wanted to hold her tightly and say, It’s okay to cry. Please, cry.
But his wish would not be granted.
Knock, knock, knock.
“My lady, a guest has arrived.”
A maid’s voice came from outside the door.
Even though the Countess was still present in the house, Senelia was the heir. If it were a common guest, her mother could greet them, but nobles often used funerals to meet the next family head.
She didn’t know why a guest had come so early, but Senelia couldn’t avoid them.
“I understand. I’ll be right there.”
Senelia turned away from Benelucia.
In that brief moment, he felt like her back would never turn toward him again—and instinctively grabbed her arm.
“I don’t think I can accept Your Grace’s proposal.”
And finally, Senelia shook off his hand—cleanly, without regret.
From now on, it was up to Benelucia to hold on to her.
Ah, perhaps this was, without exaggeration…
The very moment she had waited and waited for.
