“The Male Lead is Obsessed with Proposing” — Chapter 26
21. The Nature of Love
For the past eight years, not once had she raised her voice about this.
Selenia had always swallowed her resentment and hatred whole.
‘Because I wanted you to react in any way at all.’
And now she was being asked to reveal the things she had buried so deeply they’d rotted away?
It was far too cruel to force that on Selenia, who had struggled so desperately to hide the stench of it all.
‘I just wanted to know if you loved me.’
Words of love were never exchanged between Selenia and Benerucia.
Because underneath all those rotting emotions…
It was always Selenia’s love that was crushed, screaming, and dying.
She had loved Benerucia for a long time, but the weight of that time had twisted her love into something else.
Even so… Selenia had no choice but to marry Benerucia.
She lifted a spoon and took a bite of porridge. The watery gruel slid down her throat like a heavy stone. Still, she forced herself to eat.
Selenia had too much to do. So she had to fill her stomach with something and keep moving.
Fortunately, the porridge didn’t make her sick.
Though the Viscountess wasn’t completely neglecting her duties, Selenia still had her hands full. She had to fill the sudden void left by the disappearance of Viscount Dafnen.
And once again, she had to clash with Benerucia. Because he had involved himself in the affairs of the Dafnen family without consulting her.
‘What on earth is he thinking…’
Selenia arrived at the guest room where Benerucia was staying, her expression far from pleasant. She sighed irritably and knocked on the door.
Knock knock knock.
“Your Highness, may I come in?”
“Come in, Seli.”
As if he had been waiting, Benerucia opened the door immediately. He must’ve known she would come.
That was probably his intention when he interfered in the affairs of the Viscount’s household.
“Sit down. You haven’t had lunch yet, right?”
Benerucia’s expression was relaxed as he gestured toward a seat. Just seeing that face twisted Selenia’s insides.
He seemed satisfied, having successfully pulled her into his space just as he wanted.
She sat on the sofa, realizing this wouldn’t be a short conversation. But emotions welled up within her. She tried hard to suppress them.
Not just because of everything that had happened up to now—but because she knew Benerucia wanted a reaction from her, and that made her all the more unwilling to show one.
“I still have work left, so if Your Highness wishes to eat, I’ll ask the chef to prepare something.”
She calmly declined. In her mind, there was only one reason Benerucia would act this way despite having Lukalina.
It was because Selenia had behaved differently from the women who had loved him.
So if Benerucia was trying to shake her resolve, she must not let herself be shaken. Otherwise, she’d be no different from those others who had loved him.
That’s why she resolved to keep her distance from Benerucia for a while.
Whether he needed her now, or whether the love he once couldn’t have had become desirable to him—it would only make her more desirable if she was no longer so easily available.
“You came to my room and you’re not even going to eat with me?”
How shameless.
It was obvious Benerucia had interfered in the Dafnen affairs to lure her here, and yet he made it sound like she’d come to him of her own volition.
“You know why I came. While I appreciate Your Highness’ kindness to our family, there’s no need to go to such lengths to conceal my father’s death.”
Selenia cut straight to the point without hesitation.
Viscount Dafnen wasn’t a particularly important figure among the capital’s nobility. But his daughter Selenia, having been the Duke’s lover for years, was a different story.
Even when she appeared at the ball with Pendragon’s heir, Benerucia had never interfered—until now.
That alone was enough to put the Dafnen family under scrutiny. A minor viscount house, yes—but it could suddenly become the Duke’s in-laws.
So the unexpected death of Viscount Dafnen was bound to stir up gossip.
Yet everything remained quiet. No rumors, no nobles stopping by to snoop around.
Someone had clearly taken action.
And only a handful of people could control the capital’s noble circles to that extent.
The emperor wouldn’t help Selenia. So from the start, the prime suspect was Benerucia.
“Seli, I’ve thought about what you said yesterday.”
He had surely expected her to react this way. Selenia, who had never expected anything from him even when they were lovers, would never accept his sudden kindness so easily.
But what surprised her was Benerucia’s reaction. His voice was too calm.
“I know I’ve wronged you.”
A sense of dread crept in.
And what he said next made her forget to breathe.
“You have no intention of ever forgiving me, do you, Seli?”
He had seen through her hatred.
Selenia’s tightly clasped hands trembled slightly.
Some might say it was foolish to act that way and still expect the other person not to notice.
But Selenia had assumed Benerucia simply wouldn’t.
He had ignored her feelings for eight years—why would he suddenly care now?
After all, if someone doesn’t pay attention, how could they know your feelings?
Just like Selenia had convinced herself that a man who so obviously loved Lukalina could never possibly love someone like her.
But now, Benerucia was peering directly into her heart—and Selenia didn’t know how to handle it.
“…What wrong could Your Highness possibly have done for me to forgive or not forgive?”
Her mind went blank.
She wasn’t the type to improvise well. And this was not the situation she had rehearsed in her head for eight years.
She had accepted her place—an object beside him, to be returned when it became inconvenient.
In her mind, she was nothing more than a breathing possession.
So the idea of Benerucia Aftron caring about her feelings was absurd.
“If you hate me that much, it must mean you loved me just as much.”
Her brow furrowed deeply. Her mood plummeted again.
It felt like she could see the scar left behind by that cursed love she had tried so hard to bury.
It wasn’t true that she had never wanted Benerucia’s love.
That was just a shield to protect herself from the pain of not being loved by him.
And now, hearing him acknowledge it out loud—it was unbearable.
How could he always so easily and thoroughly devastate her like this? She wanted to cry from the injustice.
“You don’t have to forgive me.”
Her eyes reddened as she fought back the tears rising from deep inside her.
But Benerucia didn’t stop. He was the kind of man who always said what he wanted to say, no matter what.
“Even if you don’t love me now, that’s okay.”
He dared to speak as if she were already his.
The arrogant protagonist of this world. Only Benerucia Aftron could say something like that.
“I’ll make you fall in love with me again.”
If his words had been meaningless, it would have been easier.
But the moment she heard them, Selenia was genuinely afraid.
From the past eight years to the present and even the future—Benerucia Aftron was the only love she had ever allowed herself.
If someone like him made it his mission to win her heart—could she possibly resist?
She wasn’t confident.
Because she had been too lonely and too tired for far too long.
“…Don’t.”
She couldn’t hold back her fear any longer.
If the day ever came when she longed for Benerucia Aftron’s love—she truly didn’t think she could endure it.
She would spend the rest of her life with the knowledge that Lukalina Ellihan had been his first love, his fate.
That was completely different from simply deciding to stay by his side as the most “needed” person.
“I told you before—I’d stay by Your Highness’ side even without love.”
She wanted to protest against this cruel man.
“Just as I always have.”
But as soon as her deepest fear rose, another wave came crashing in.
The excitement she’d felt just being near him, the feelings that bloomed from his smallest kindnesses, the way her eyes had always followed this man who lived like the hero of a story.
Even those little things had made her love rise like a sprout after spring rain.
But if Benerucia Aftron truly tried to win her love… how deeply would she fall for him?
‘And if that happens, will Clifford Heliosa just sit by and watch? Can I even stand beside the man I love while deceiving him like that?’
Every possibility she could imagine was horrifying beyond words.
