TMLOP 17

Chapter 17: When I Looked Back, It Was a Shackle

Senelia looked utterly calm as she held up the hem of her dress and bowed politely to Benelucia.

“I greet Your Grace.”

It wasn’t intentional on Senelia’s part.

Even when the first scandal broke out, and then a second one followed, Benelucia hadn’t offered her the slightest explanation.

So Senelia had simply endured it back then.

She thought that if she became one of those women who clung to Benelucia, constantly bothering him for love, he would surely end things with her.

Just as they had agreed in the beginning, Senelia always made sure never to cross the line.

Today’s behavior was just another part of that pattern.

She hadn’t received any forewarning from the Emperor, nor did she know that the scandal with Benelucia and Roziana wasn’t of his own doing, but rather a scheme by the Emperor.

So she had no choice but to do what she always did.

If this had been the first time something like this had happened, perhaps Senelia would have noticed Benelucia’s intentions when he rushed to her after the scandal.

But she had long since crushed and buried any feelings she had—eight long years’ worth.

That included even the faintest hope that Benelucia might love her someday.

Now, with not even a sliver of hope left inside her, there was no way she could see through his heart.

But Benelucia, who had no way of knowing how she felt, ended up blurting out sharp words.

“…Selly, how can you act like nothing happened?”

He asked her, almost accusingly, without meaning to.

And immediately regretted it.

But no one can take back the words once they’ve been spoken.

Benelucia himself couldn’t even pinpoint when exactly he had fallen in love with Senelia.

But the realization struck him during a dramatic moment—and as it often happens, love that hits like that tends to be impulsive.

Right now, Benelucia wanted nothing more than to wrap Senelia in his arms, bury his face in her neck and breathe in her scent, kiss her lips.

That’s what people do when they fall in love. He was no different.

So when he saw with his own eyes that the woman he loved was unaffected by the scandal involving him, Benelucia couldn’t pretend to be unaffected either.

Senelia, for her part, was caught off guard by the situation.

“…I don’t understand why Your Grace is questioning me.”

The words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop them.

She was so flustered that even her habit of carefully choosing every word before speaking to Benelucia seemed to vanish.

As Benelucia’s expression hardened in response, Senelia only grew more confused.

She wanted to get out of the situation somehow, but couldn’t find any more words.

“Hah… Selly, do you really feel nothing about this situation?”

Benelucia let out a hollow sigh.

It felt pointless to have rushed over first thing in the morning.

He had wanted to clear up any misunderstanding Senelia might have had. But it seemed she didn’t even have the slightest bit of jealousy or anger in her heart.

“If you mean this situation…”

Senelia blinked as she thought.

And soon, she recalled that the only new incident this morning was the scandal with Benelucia.

“Selly.”

This time, it was Benelucia who was startled as he called her name.

Because… Senelia was suddenly smiling.

Senelia had never been a morning person.

But after eight years of adapting to Benelucia’s schedule, she too had become someone who rose early.

That morning, when she heard from a maid about the latest scandal, she felt nothing.

Including today, this made it the fourth time Benelucia had brought another noble lady to a tea party.

Yet even then, Benelucia had never been able to forget Lucalina.

Senelia was unaffected because she already knew—none of the other noblewomen could ever replace Lucalina. They were simply people he needed.

And in terms of necessity, no one could outmatch the woman who had steadily integrated herself into Benelucia’s life for eight years.

‘Since I’m not around, it seems the Emperor needed a new shield to hide his beloved Lucalina.’

That was Senelia’s assessment of the scandal.

So she remained calm.

But when Benelucia asked her whether she truly felt nothing about the scandal, her illusion shattered into pieces.

‘…How could you ask me that?’

Senelia was briefly at a loss for words.

She never wanted to love Benelucia.

But, unfortunately, she was only human—a normal woman.

A man who shone so brightly without even trying naturally drew her gaze.

And once her eyes lingered and their bodies brushed, it was difficult for her heart not to follow.

So, in moments—fleeting moments—Senelia loved Benelucia.

It just happened.

But Senelia had to survive the Emperor’s clutches, and love couldn’t guarantee her safety.

Even during Benelucia’s first scandal. Even the second. She had been fine. She had to be fine.

That’s why she could still hold herself together now.

To ask such a question now, after all she had endured…

The emotions she had so thoroughly crushed began to rear their heads again.

That’s why she smiled. Not because she wasn’t angry—but because she couldn’t afford to be.

It was the best she could do in that fleeting moment.

“Selly?”

So she didn’t notice the panic in Benelucia’s voice.

Just gathering her emotions without letting them show was exhausting enough.

“Your Grace, how could I possibly interfere in your affairs?”

Senelia had no energy left to try to understand why Benelucia had come looking for her.

So she did what she always did—acted like she didn’t care.

“I’m well aware that there’s nothing between us anymore.”

As soon as she said that, silence fell between them like a cold gust of wind.

Senelia had nothing left to say, and Benelucia didn’t want to say anything more.

He covered his face with one hand, suppressing the surge of emotions inside him.

Even his pride—built up over years of being a proud and powerful duke—cracked in that moment.

The fact that he had been the only one struggling all this time proved that Senelia held the upper hand in their relationship.

Benelucia was someone who had always assumed he held the reins. So this newfound truth didn’t sit well with him.

Of course, if Senelia had known what he was thinking, she would have laughed bitterly.

Power struggles in a relationship, pride—those were things everyone tussled with at least once in love.

But whether Benelucia had desired them or not, Senelia had thrown all of that away long ago just to be by his side.

“…I see.”

Benelucia finally spoke, ending the heavy silence.

Wounded pride made him lash out.

“If you don’t care, then fine.”

He turned on his heel.

He didn’t want to explain his feelings to a woman who seemed perfectly okay with him being involved with someone else.

And Senelia didn’t stop him. Because that was her role—the only one she knew.

If he told her to leave, she’d leave. If he told her to come, she’d come. Like a pet.

So she couldn’t stop Benelucia when he said he’d go.

But Benelucia… always wanted her to stop him.

Not that she’d ever know, unless he told her outright.

Benelucia had originally planned to clear up the misunderstanding with Senelia and then visit Clifford.

But if she truly didn’t care about what he did, then there was no point.

So when he returned to his estate, the last person he wanted to see was waiting for him.

“Hello, Ben. Where did you go so early this morning?”

Before the butler could say a word, Lucalina had already sensed his presence and came out to greet him.

He stiffened upon seeing her.

Lucalina had been close to Benelucia since they were children, so the butler or head maid couldn’t deny her entry.

Even before Senelia moved into the ducal mansion, Lucalina was the only one who could come and go freely, without prior permission, as per noble customs.

Had Benelucia not realized that his first love was over, he might have welcomed her happily.

But now he couldn’t.

Benelucia no longer loved Lucalina.

And that was no laughing matter—the person he had longed for so desperately was now someone he found burdensome.

“…Sorry, Luna. I’m really tired today… I don’t know what you came to talk about, but can we talk some other time?”

Benelucia couldn’t even meet her eyes.

She had stayed away from the capital for eleven years because of him. And now he was essentially telling her to go away.

Even to himself, it felt disgraceful.

Lucalina remained silent.

She likely hadn’t expected to hear such words when she came to see him.

Benelucia felt a wave of exhaustion.

Clifford had been wary of his relationship with Lucalina, so today’s events would surely reach his brother’s ears.