Chapter 4
“Ugh!”
Her body was thrown aside like a poorly made piece of pottery, tumbling into a patch of grass that looked as though it had never been touched by human hands.
Her ankle felt twisted, but without even the presence of mind to check it, she clutched her left chest and rolled across the grass.
To be honest, it was heartbreaking. The fact that even after returning to the past, she still had to suffer like this. It seemed that even living a second life was just as painful and sorrowful.
As the sorrow writhing in her stomach turned into resignation, her pain-numbed senses slowly began to return. The smell of the crushed grass beneath her grew stronger.
She took a slow, deep breath and looked up at the sky. The edge of the dark sky was already filling with a blue twilight.
“……”
What if, every time she felt like crying from now on, it hurt this much again?
She let out a long sigh. To meet Lucas again and live with him for a long time, she had to become much stronger than in her previous life.
She forced her aching body up. As she put weight on her throbbing foot, a cry escaped her lips.
Let’s not be weak, she told herself as if in a trance. There was still something she needed to check.
How much longer had it been since she started riding again, very slowly?
It was only when the surroundings began to brighten that she finally spotted the knights’ base.
Limping, she grabbed the first person she saw and asked urgently.
“Excuse me, may I ask you something?”
The man in a knight’s uniform replied with an annoyed look.
“Are you talking to me?”
It suddenly struck her that she was no longer the Crown Princess who could address the imperial staff as she used to, so she corrected herself.
“Oh, no, sir. Is this the residence of the Imperial Knights?”
The man examined her shabby, dirt-covered appearance and the cloth covering her face closely, then added,
“It is, but… if you have business, go ask over at that visitor’s window.”
She nodded briefly and went to the window he pointed to, asking again.
“I’ve come to see Theodor Parchen. Is he here?”
“It’s not visiting hours.”
The knight guarding the window glanced at her, then quickly turned his head away.
“It’s urgent. I used to be his employee.”
He roughly flipped through the knight roster he was holding and said,
“Unfortunately, there’s no one by that name on our base roster.”
“He must be a new recruit who hasn’t been added to the roster yet. Please check again.”
“Nonsense. My eyes are accurate. I received this sword from our captain thanks to my ability to see better than others.”
The knight tapped the longsword at his waist.
It looked similar to the sword Theodor had drawn to stab Lucas.
Goosebumps slowly spread from her fingers to her elbows. Even though she couldn’t see the blade, her shoulders hunched as if she’d seen a demon.
“But Theodor Parchen should definitely be in the Imperial Knights…”
“Insisting someone is here when they’re not won’t make them appear. Coming here outside visiting hours, too.”
There’s no way Theodor isn’t in the knights.
He had told her, from a very young age, that his dream was to become an imperial knight of the Olanum Empire.
And she clearly remembered him saying that he was ‘lucky’ enough to join the knights right after leaving the estate.
Wondering if she had the timing wrong, she calculated again in her head, but if he wasn’t at the estate, he should have joined the knights.
“He doesn’t really have anywhere else to go but here.”
“Are you certain the knight’s name is Theodor Parchen?”
“Yes, Theodor Parchen. He’s definitely an imperial knight.”
“If you know what he looks like, describe him as best you can. I have a phenomenal memory for faces.”
She closed her eyes tightly and slowly pictured Theodor’s face in her mind.
“His skin… it got tanner from his life as a knight… Oh, he had a long scratch on his eyebrow. No, wait. That happened last year, so it’s probably gone now.”
She only had the mature face of Theodor at thirty-four in her memory, so it was hard to imagine what he looked like in his early twenties.
“What on earth are you talking about? I have no idea what this man is supposed to look like, honestly.”
The knight let out a hollow laugh. She felt momentarily deflated but then racked her memory again.
“…A young man with black hair and red eyes. A straight nose, deep-set eyes. He’s at least a head taller than me. He’s built like the Chatra Mountains up north.”
The knight listened to her words, then started to chuckle. The laughter grew, and eventually, he started coughing as if he’d inhaled something.
“Haha, it’s been a while since I’ve laughed this hard. So, you’re telling me you’re looking for a handsome man as smooth as silk in the Imperial Knights?”
“Handsome? I’ve never really thought of him that way…”
“On top of that, a muscular young man with shoulders as broad as a mountain? You’d be lucky to see a man like that in a famous theater troupe.”
“Well, that may be true, but…”
“Oh dear. Listening to this nonsense has wasted my time. The knights will be starting their duties soon, so please go back. Now!”
Prodded by the knight, she was forced out of the visitor’s window area.
“I came all this way, and you’re telling me to leave? Please, just check one more time. I’m begging you!”
She tried to push her way back in, but she was no match for the knight’s strength.
What could be going on? Was Theodor really not in the knights?
If… if she couldn’t find Theodor, and if she couldn’t stop him because of that, what would happen to Lucas?
What if he, who had lurked somewhere in the shadows in her previous life, appeared and tried to harm Lucas sooner than expected? And what if she wasn’t there?
A rusty, metallic taste rose in her dry, dust-filled throat.
She forced her uncooperative mind to think, but nothing came.
Eventually, she limped back to where she had tied up her horse.
Just then, she heard cheering and applause from the knights in the distance.
She turned around, bewildered.
“Pay your respects to His Highness the Prince! Salute!”
Hair as bright as the morning sun stood out clearly among the knights.
“You’ve all worked hard.”
“…Lucas?”
Her heart nearly stopped again.
Her first love, her husband, Lucas Frederik, was standing right there.
Careful that no one would see her, she quietly hid behind a barracks and peered out.
“Prince Lucas, what brings you all the way here?”
“Does something need to bring me? I came to offer my encouragement.”
His natural smile sparkled like fine grains of sand.
The image of him, distraught as he held her blood-soaked body, overlapped with his cheerful present self, making her heart ache.
Lucas looked behind him and gestured. Wooden boxes were placed before the knights.
“I also came to deliver supplies. You may open them right away.”
“Whoa!”
At his words, the excited knights eagerly opened the boxes. Inside were what looked like high-quality fabrics, salt, wheat, and other goods.
Lucas had always had an excellent character, even before he became the Crown Prince, and he knew how to give generously to everyone.
She felt like crying again. She wanted to hear him call her name in that warm voice just one more time.
Until recently, she had been his wife.
But now, he didn’t know her yet.
She carefully recalled the time they had spent together.
‘You are Vivian Dartion… correct?’
Their first meeting in the lavender field in midsummer.
‘Finding you was a great stroke of luck.’
The white veil, the lustrous pearl ring, the day of their royal wedding, filled with cheers like thunder.
‘You have no idea how much strength your existence gives me.’
Even on the rainy memorial day of the Crown Prince of Venice, he had called out to her with the same unwavering voice.
Don’t be impatient yet. She soothed herself for a long time. The day would soon come again when her name would fall from Lucas’s lips.
She remembered the pitiful look in Lucas’s eyes as he had to watch his wife die before him.
She firmly resolved to protect them both from Theodor this time, so that he would never despair again.
‘Lucas, so you just keep smiling like that.’
She didn’t know how many times she had wanted to turn around and run into his arms. The path back, away from him, looked like a path strewn with thorns.
More than the physical pain, it was the pain in her heart that was harder to bear.
