Chapter 10
“Are you teasing me right now?”
Hartwin’s face flushed again at Loana’s words about having many friends.
“No.”
Loana shook her head seriously.
“I have a lot of friends, so there’s no reason for me to pull you onto my side. Don’t misunderstand.”
“What misunderstanding did I make?!”
“You were twisting my pure goodwill just a moment ago, weren’t you?”
“Goodwill? Goodwill?!”
Hartwin raised his voice.
“I don’t have any other purpose. I just want to get close to you. I’m curious about you, Hartwin.”
Hartwin stiffened at those words.
“Until now, no one has ever said something like that to me…”
“Really?”
Hartwin pressed his lips tightly together like a clam, unwilling to admit that he had never heard such words before.
“Anyway, I’m sincere.”
Loana stood up, brushing off her knees. Quite a bit of time had already passed. It was now time for her to return to the annex.
“If you want to get closer to me, let’s meet here tomorrow at noon.”
After saying this, Loana walked away without looking back.
“H-Hey! Wait a minute…”
Hartwin called after her, but she didn’t turn around.
He just stared blankly as Loana walked away.
Back in the annex, Loana asked Ize about Hartwin.
Ize wasn’t a high-ranking maid, so she didn’t know much about Hartwin or the family’s internal matters, but she tried her best to answer Loana’s questions.
Through Ize, Loana learned that Hartwin didn’t appear at any family events or official schedules, moved to different places every day just to sleep, and suffered from a mild case of anorexia.
“You don’t eat?”
“Yes.”
Since the concept of anorexia didn’t exist in this era, Ize just said Hartwin “doesn’t eat.”
“After the Grand Lady passed away, the head maid took care of him for a while, and since then, he hasn’t been eating properly.”
Ize explained,
“The maid said that even if meals are brought to him, he only takes alcohol and light desserts and sends everything else back.”
Since he still ate desserts, it didn’t seem like he had anorexia due to body image concerns.
‘Then there must be another reason…’
Loana recalled Hartwin’s shoulders, so thin that his bones were visible at a glance.
“The head maid took care of him, right? Did she say anything about Hartwin?”
“She said he’s unusually weak, so we shouldn’t worry about it.”
‘Don’t worry…? If he’s been suffering from anorexia since the head maid took care of him, that means he’s been like this for almost eight years. How can I not care?’
Even knowing it was meddling, Loana wanted to help Hartwin.
The next day, Loana packed a picnic basket and went to the hedge maze.
Since Hartwin only ate desserts, she filled the basket with cookies and cakes. With the many desserts brought by the knights, preparing the basket wasn’t difficult.
‘What if I worked so hard to prepare this and Hartwin doesn’t even show up?’
On her way to the hedge maze, Loana worried that Hartwin might not come.
Fortunately, he was right where he had been yesterday, covered with leaves as usual.
“So… you really came.”
Hartwin muttered blankly, perhaps thinking the same thing.
Loana smiled brightly at him.
“You came out for me.”
“I-I just came out because I was bored! Nothing else!”
Seeing Loana’s smile, Hartwin blushed and quickly turned his head away, making a soft popping sound.
“Hartwin.”
Loana crouched in front of him and called. Hartwin still didn’t look at her.
“If you keep doing this, I’ll just leave, you know?”
Loana sighed and lifted the basket. Seeing her actually stand up, Hartwin quickly turned to her.
“Le-leave…”
“Leave?”
“Leave….”
“Leave?”
“Don’t leave! You were the one who suggested meeting, and now you’re just going to run off? What kind of manners is that?”
Hartwin yelled.
“So you don’t like me leaving?”
Loana sat back down in front of him, smiling.
Hartwin ran his hands through his hair, as if regretting what he said, but he didn’t take back his words. He no longer pushed Loana away.
He looked like a rabbit staring wide-eyed at a predator intruding into its precious, tiny burrow, watching Loana open the picnic basket.
“I brought some food. It’s lunchtime, isn’t it?”
Loana ignored Hartwin’s anorexia and continued.
“I packed mostly desserts so you could eat lightly. How does it look?”
Hartwin stared blankly at the basket filled with desserts, looking like a child lost at countless crossroads.
Loana didn’t rush him or ask if he would eat. She didn’t show that she knew about his eating habits.
She simply kept talking, as if eating didn’t matter at all.
After a few minutes, Hartwin realized she wasn’t going to force him to eat, and his face, stiff from tension, relaxed a little.
“Why are you doing this to me?”
“I told you. I’m just curious about you.”
“I’m nothing special.”
“There’s no one in the world who’s nothing special. Everyone has their own story.”
Hartwin… what story do you have?
Loana asked gently.
Hartwin lowered his head and didn’t answer. He also didn’t eat.
The picnic ended that way. After that, Loana continued bringing desserts to him regularly.
On the fourth day, she realized the reason Hartwin slept all day was that he had no energy from not eating.
It was obvious in retrospect.
All he put in his mouth was alcohol and tiny amounts of desserts, so he had no energy for any activity.
“Milady, aren’t you tired?”
On the fifth day, Ize asked Loana. She was getting bored spending lunchtime with Hartwin every day without results.
“No, not at all.”
Loana shook her head. She felt closer to Hartwin the more listless he became, because she too had spent days being listless after reincarnating in this world and being separated from her mother.
On the seventh day, Hartwin finally spoke about food.
“Don’t bring me this kind of thing again.”
He pushed aside a fluffy pie loaded with blueberries.
“Why?”
Loana asked casually. Hartwin glared at the pie as if it were an enemy and sighed.
“I hate food.”
Loana was silent for a moment. This was the first time Hartwin had spoken about himself.
‘Still, we’re getting closer little by little. I hope it’s not just my imagination.’
Loana held her coffee cup and watched him, wondering what to say.
With only guesses about the size of his wounds, anything she said required caution.
Fortunately—or unfortunately—Loana didn’t need to worry. Hartwin kept sharing his story.
“Eating makes me feel like I’m committing a great sin.”
A great sin… Loana couldn’t imagine how hard and painful life must be for someone who felt that way every time they ate.
After a long silence, Loana put down her coffee and stared at Hartwin.
After much thought, she finally spoke.
“Can you tell me why you feel that way?”
It was extremely careful and polite. Even Hartwin couldn’t help but open his heart to such a considerate tone.
“Because I’m useless. I don’t deserve proper food. But when I eat, I feel like I’m taking something that’s not allowed for me.”
Hartwin lowered his eyes. His red eyes, resembling Klaus’s, darkened with deep shadow.
“If you’re really hungry, you can have alcohol or desserts. That’s not considered food.”
People of this era tended not to consider drinks or desserts as proper meals. This seemed why Hartwin only consumed alcohol and desserts—they weren’t “proper meals.”
“Hmm…”
Loana hesitated, unsure what to say next.
“I’m pathetic, right? I can’t do anything and I can’t even eat?”
Hartwin asked self-deprecatingly. Loana hurriedly shook her head.
“I didn’t think that.”
“Liar.”
Even though he had opened up somewhat to her, Hartwin still didn’t fully trust Loana.
It wasn’t distrust of her, but of himself.
No matter how kind someone else’s words were, without trust in himself, he couldn’t take them at face value.
“Then how about milk or fruit juice instead of alcohol, my lord?”
Ize, who had been listening, suggested a drink that could serve as a meal.
“I’m not a child!”
But Hartwin reacted even more violently than before.
Becoming useless, becoming a child, and being powerless—these were his two main fears.
Loana felt sorry for him. She wanted to do something for him.
‘But talking about food just stresses him out…’
The only thing Hartwin didn’t reject was alcohol, but she couldn’t give him alcohol.
‘Something warm, invigorating, and comforting… something better than alcohol… not milk or juice… ah!’
Lost in thought, Loana realized something and mentally gasped.
“You said drinks are fine. Then would you like to try this?”
Loana held up a thermos filled with coffee.
Hartwin looked at the black liquid inside with curious eyes.
“What is that?”
“It’s a new drink I discovered. Made from Adanta berries, and it’s pretty tasty.”
“Adanta berries?”
Hartwin frowned, but Loana didn’t care and poured the coffee into a cup, adding milk.
“The drink is called coffee. With milk, it’s a café latte. I don’t have an espresso machine right now, so it’s temporary…”
Drinking coffee alone might upset his stomach, but with milk, it could fill his stomach properly.
Hartwin eyed the makeshift café latte Loana offered him with suspicion.
“Here—try it.”
Loana actively encouraged him for the first time. Hartwin sighed but picked up the cup. Fortunately, since it was a drink, he didn’t resist it like food.
He brought the cup to his lips, and Loana watched nervously.
