[CHAPTER 89]
“……What is this?”
The distance between Illay and me was uncomfortably close.
From afar, it might even look like we were dancing.
“Why do you not blame me?”
“What?”
“Every time something like this happens, you’ve always been a little upset, haven’t you? Always.”
“…….”
What exactly was he talking about?
We haven’t even spent that much time together in this current cycle after returning.
Yet what he was saying now sounded as if he had been with me for a very long time…
‘No, that can’t be.’
I shoved the thought that he might have also returned with me into the trash.
It was ridiculous.
I tried to calmly observe his expression.
Illay’s face was as calm and composed as always, but his eyes glimmered with a subtle light.
I had thought he was the person I knew best among all my relationships.
Perhaps I had been making a huge mistake.
“Illay.”
“Why have you returned?”
I lowered my voice and called his name.
I didn’t answer his immediate question.
There were more important things to say.
“If you don’t stop now, I will have to explain this situation properly.”
It was a strict tone I had never used with Illay before. At least, not in this cycle.
“Long time no see. To speak to me in that tone.”
Illay, who never did anything to annoy me normally, instead reached for the collar of my undone cravat.
‘Trying to tease me?’
No matter how much I trusted Illay, tension naturally rose in such a coercive situation.
“To see you like this in front of me.”
Illay fiddled with the button on my collar.
“Step back.”
“Are you on guard against me?”
“I said step back. Don’t test the limits of my patience.”
“Ha……”
Illay sighed.
“Even if I resist, you have the power to stop me.”
“W-what?”
“You can’t stop me right now, can you?”
Illay unfastened one of the buttons on my collar.
Cold air from the room brushed against my skin through the open gap.
“You say you don’t want to answer, so shall I guess why? Why Zerena returned here.”
“……Because of humans.”
“No. It must be because of one human. That human, the paladin.”
Illay’s chilling hand touched my neck.
For a moment, I thought he was going to tease me, but he did not.
He simply held his hand against my neck, as if checking my pulse.
The hand on my neck was cold.
So different from Sian’s warm hand.
When Sian’s hand touched me, I felt comforted and safe.
Illay’s hand was so icy that it felt as if the skin it touched could freeze instantly.
“If I were to betray you like this, would you hate me?”
“…….”
“After giving me your unwavering trust through countless deaths, would you hate me if I betrayed you?”
“Illay.”
“……What?”
Unlike me, whose gaze wavered in confusion, Illay’s eyes remained fixed steadily on me.
‘I understand now, listening to what he says.’
It was certain. If I couldn’t understand now, I would be foolish.
Illay had also returned with me.
Then why had he kept silent until now, choosing this moment to warn me in such a manner?
Had he eaten something bad today, or was there some change in his heart?
Right now, he seemed almost like someone else pretending to be Illay.
What frustrated me the most was that I could not refute anything he said.
If even Illay would betray me, how could I trust anyone in the future?
Biting my lip at the undeniable truth, I asked,
“Do you want me to trust no one?”
“…….”
He didn’t answer.
I had restrained myself this far because I valued Illay.
He was the only one who had never betrayed me.
But how much more should I endure?
Now that I knew he had been hiding something, I could not just continue listening.
Bang!
I released my magic and pushed Illay back.
Taken off guard and hit directly by magic, Illay staggered a step or two.
I took the opportunity to bind his hands and feet with magic.
Magic erupted from the floor and swiftly wrapped around his limbs.
‘This much is fine.’
I had no idea how long it had been since I used my magic this freely.
Until now, I had been desperate just to hide it as soon as it returned.
Illay, standing still but unable to move, looked at me with hollow eyes.
Even though I had regained my magic, I could only use about half of my original power.
And yet Illay was subdued so easily?
Ridiculous.
‘If he wanted, he could easily break free from these bindings.’
Yet Illay didn’t even think of escaping.
He simply looked at his bound hands and feet.
‘So he never intended to fight.’
Thinking that, the tension that had run through my body eased slightly.
I had no confidence that I could win if we truly fought, nor did I have any intention to.
He, staring blankly at his hands, finally spoke.
“Then speak. Why have you suddenly returned to the demon realm?”
“Because the demons came looking.”
“So? What’s the problem with that?”
“…What?”
“You were there anyway. That paladin would have protected you. What’s the issue?”
“Is it not a problem that I just took care of myself? It’s the others—”
“Then why care about that?”
“…….”
“In the end, it’s because of that paladin, isn’t it?”
Why does he not understand?
Even if Illay was inclined not to like humans, he wasn’t the type to enjoy seeing innocent humans massacred.
“What made you so weak? You’ve always acted as if nothing could affect you, no matter what happened.”
Like a dam bursting, he poured out his emotions.
“What does it matter if some humans die? You have died, lived, and been betrayed countless times…”
“Illay.”
Listening silently to the flood of his disjointed emotions felt completely irrational.
“Illay, I don’t understand a word of what you’re saying.”
“…….”
“Then explain properly now. Otherwise…”
I trailed off. Words I had never spoken to Illay even after more than ten cycles of life and death.
To speak them now, I had to be prepared.
“I will cut you.”
It was not because I thought I could win.
Illay probably knew that even now, he could easily suppress someone like me.
Still, I spoke the words.
The weight of those words was significant.
At least… to a ‘returner.’
If you returned with me, Illay, you would understand the weight of me speaking those words.
Illay’s previously hollow eyes flickered slightly.
I did not miss the change.
Slowly, I released the magic binding Illay’s hands and feet.
Even after regaining the freedom of his body, Illay did not move immediately.
“Illay.”
“…Yes.”
“Explain. I’ll listen.”
I spoke in a calm voice, deliberately void of any emotion.
No anger, no affection, not even curiosity.
Having maintained such a mindset for so long, speaking in an indifferent voice came easily.
Standing silently with his gaze lowered, Illay slowly opened his mouth.
His voice was extremely calm, almost like a child recounting the events of today in a light tone.
“……I did not remember from the very beginning. I only began to be entangled in your life and death when the war with the divine realm broke out.”
The content was far from light, however.
