Chapter 1
Who said living again was a gift from the gods? To me, it was only pain and misery.
“Get lost!”
“A filthy crow like you!”
“I told you not to look at me with those eyes!”
“Argh! Cough, cough… hic….”
Fists and feet twice my size rained down on me. My small body, weaker than even a four-year-old’s because of constant hunger, couldn’t endure the beating.
Tears should have been natural under such merciless violence. But even that wasn’t allowed—my tears only made them angrier.
“What’s with the crying, you unlucky brat!”
Smack!
My head jerked sideways before I could react. Teeth cracked. My vision blacked out.
Ah… so I’m dying again.
I felt my body slump onto the snow, blood dripping from my nose, mouth, and eyes.
“Dead? Ugh, disgusting. Let’s just go.”
Anyone else would have panicked in such a situation. But not them. They simply dusted off their hands as if they had touched street filth.
‘God… can I please just die this time?’
My body convulsed against my will, life draining away.
I was sick of it. Of living. Of enduring.
‘Or at least, take away my past life from me. Let me forget, like a child should.’
Why had I been reborn with the soul of my twenty-eight-year-old self?
I had thought my previous life was miserable enough. But this new one… was worse than hell.
To be born in the body of an abandoned newborn, yet with the mind of an adult—
I had to endure all misfortune with full awareness. Madness would have been a relief, but even that didn’t come.
But the worst part was this:
‘What did I do so wrong to deserve suffering again and again?’
In this life, unlike the last, there were nightmares. My life repeated endlessly, rewinding about two hours every time I died.
Even after countless repetitions of pain, life refused to end. Even now, I knew I would revive and suffer all over again.
Closing my trembling eyelids, I prayed to a nameless god:
‘I’m tired. Please… let me never open my eyes again.’
Obediently accepting death, I let another life end.
‘Wait… usually I revive two hours earlier. Where am I?’
When I woke, it wasn’t life. It wasn’t death. It was somewhere else.
Though I couldn’t see, I knew—the biting cold had vanished, replaced by warmth. My eyelids stayed shut, no matter how I tried to open them.
‘Did my wish come true?’
Just as I thought that, I felt a hand gently stroking my face and hair.
‘I’m not dead? Then… who is this?’
I wanted to ask, but my lips and eyelids wouldn’t move. I lay still, listening.
The owner of that hand spoke softly:
“Dohee.”
What?
“My beloved baby, Dohee.”
‘You must be mistaken. I’m just a nameless, forsaken crow chick.’
Though I answered only in my heart, the voice seemed to hear.
“No. You are my Dohee.”
The certainty in that tone made my breath catch. That voice caressed me as if I were the most precious thing, even though my sunken cheeks and bony frame must have looked pitiful.
“From the moment you were a seed, I cherished you. You were the first child I held. Therefore, your name is Dohee.”
‘…But everyone else calls me an unlucky crow.’
At first, I thought I was human. My body looked no different.
But when I cracked open an egg and was born with black hair and red eyes, people’s horrified reactions told me the truth.
‘I’m a crow. And those eyes… they loathe me.’
Later, I learned that crow beastfolk were considered omens of misfortune in this world. Hated, shunned, forced into dark deeds—their reputation only worsened.
So…
‘That name can’t belong to me. I don’t deserve to be loved.’
But the voice grew firm, almost angry:
“Foolish people. They tormented and killed my child over and over. But you were never meant to be treated that way.”
The hand touched my eyelids. Warmth spread from my eyes, flowing through my whole body.
“If I call you Dohee, then all the world must call you so.”
As soon as those words were spoken, the hand withdrew. Miraculously, my eyes opened.
I blinked, trying to see the person who had spoken, but they were already fading into light.
“Remember. You are my beloved…”
“Gasp!”
I woke—back two hours before my death, as always.
‘Strange… if I died, how did I dream?’
But my body was warm, unlike before. The bitter winter chill no longer bit at my skin.
‘Wow… amazing.’
For once, I didn’t care. I had always frozen before spring. Just having warmth in my body made me happy.
‘That was the first kind word anyone’s ever spoken to me. If only I could’ve seen who it was….’
Cheerful, I buried my face in my ragged clothes, sniffing. Oddly, my body smelled faintly of milk.
‘Hehe… I really feel like a baby for once.’
“Here!”
‘Huh?’
Suddenly, a flock of crows appeared.
One descended, transforming into an old man with snow-white hair.
‘A white crow beastkin?’
It was my first time seeing another of my kind. Staring blankly, I watched as he approached.
“This… this child is the first shaman born to our clan in generations!”
…Shaman? Me?
The elder’s colorless white eyes stared into mine. The sight made my skin crawl.
“What is your name?”
Frightened, I stammered, stepping back.
“Wh-who… who are you?”
“Ah, forgive me. We are the main branch of the crow clan—your kin.”
“You… know me?”
“Not exactly. But I heard it clearly. The voice of our god, calling here. So tell me, child—”
The elder’s white eyes loomed closer.
“What is your name, and how old are you?”
His seriousness made me feel I had to answer. Nervously fidgeting my fingers, I whispered:
“F-five… years old. And my name… I don’t have one. But… I had a strange dream just now….”
The elder’s eyes gleamed with delight.
“A dream? Tell me at once!”
His intensity frightened me, but silence seemed impossible. So I blurted it out:
“Someone appeared… and said my name is Dohee.”
“The true name! The god has bestowed upon us a shaman, after three hundred years!”
“Eh—?!”
He suddenly lifted me up. My small body dangled in the air.
“This is our chance! Our crow clan, always despised and outcast, will rise again!”
“That’s right! We, who were called assassins and couldn’t even form a village, can now unite!”
“Child! Do you remember what he looked like?”
Before I could grasp what was happening, he set me down, trembling with excitement.
But I shook my head.
“N-no. Too bright… I couldn’t see.”
I braced for scolding, squeezing my eyes shut. But instead came cries of joy:
“The god who chose you must be of the highest rank!”
“Far beyond the white tiger spirit of the tiger clan, Elder!”
So… this was good? At least no one scolded me.
That elder must be the crow clan’s leader. His presence was overwhelming.
“Did he say anything else?”
“Um… at the end, he said something strange….”
“What was it?”
“He said… ‘Remember, you are my beloved daughter.’”
“…Daughter?”
I was too exhausted to repeat the whole conversation. With this weak child’s body, even speaking was hard. So I only told them the final words.
“Yes. Daughter.”
But then, the elder’s expression shifted strangely.
“Yet… you are a boy, are you not?”
What? What did he just say?
I’m… a girl.
