IMLVS Chapter 42

Chapter 42

Turning around, she ran towards the carriage, spinning as she went. Her footsteps were so light and joyful that she looked like someone who had never experienced any misfortune. Her dress fluttered around her like foam on the waves.

“What if she trips?” I muttered, scolding her for a moment. But seeing her like that, I couldn’t help but smile.

Since that incident, my once-empty heart has slowly started to fill again. It was a mix of both good and bad feelings, warm yet bittersweet. But strangely, I didn’t mind it.

Yes. Maybe… maybe I was a little happy.

“Perhaps this is how I should keep living.”

When I finally let go of my desire for revenge, I began to see a faint answer to how I should move forward.

When I opened my eyes, it was the quiet hour before dawn. My room was swallowed in darkness.

Even half-asleep, I wondered why I had woken up at this hour.

An owl hooted softly outside. The wind rustled through the leaves, making them tap against the window. It sounded like rain was falling.

“Ah… so that’s why.”

Now I understood why I had woken up.

Raindrops streaked down the window, leaving tiny handprint-like marks as they slid.

Watching them, I sighed and admitted, “I can’t sleep.”

I reached for the bell cord to call Lysdel but stopped.

It was one thing for me to be awake at this hour, but I didn’t want to disturb the poor girl when she was already so tired.

Instead, I lit a candle.

The flame flickered, casting a warm, golden glow that filled the room like a soft moonlight.

As I watched the light dance, I absentmindedly touched my blanket and wrapped my arms around myself.

“I’m here. Safe.”

No longer broken. No longer trapped in violence or cruelty. Surrounded by those I love and who love me in return.

The realization washed over me like a gentle wave, making my skin tingle and my heart warm. A small joy, like a firefly, flickered inside me.

I once wondered if it had been the work of a devil or a god that turned back my time.

But now, I know.

“It was up to me.”

If I had stayed in misery, it would have been the devil’s doing. But if I found happiness, then it was a gift from the gods.

The rain pattered softly against the glass. The candlelight cast gentle shadows around me, like a protective embrace.

It felt like sinking into warm water—comforting and serene.

To wake up in the night not because of sorrow, but simply to enjoy a peaceful moment… How luxurious that was.

“Do I even deserve this? I haven’t done anything… How can I just enjoy this, as if everything is fine?”

And then, as my thoughts wandered, one person came to mind.

Diane.

I had finally gotten to know her. She had somehow become my precious friend.

Lying in my soft blankets, bathed in candlelight, I thought of her.

I hoped she could feel the same kind of safety and peace I had found.

Her bright smile, her blushing cheeks, the way she twirled on her feet like a young girl.

A small smile formed on my lips.

She belonged in happiness.

“A monster like Donau should never be allowed to have her.”

Thinking about her naturally led me to the issue with the mines.

I was almost certain now.

“There’s something wrong with Viscount Payne’s mine.”

I needed to see it with my own eyes before concluding.

But Donau…

That cold, calculating man… Even my father had feared him.

If he was running such a large-scale fraud and I uncovered it, my life would be at risk.

I remembered his sharp, gleaming eyes.

“He wouldn’t hesitate to kill any witnesses.”

I needed a way to investigate the mine discreetly, without exposing myself to danger.

Perhaps I should talk to Jed. He might have some ideas.

As I thought about this, another concern surfaced in my mind.

The man from the Silver Rose.

Just thinking of him made my heart flutter. I let out a small, amused sigh.

“After everything I’ve been through, I still haven’t learned my lesson.”

Carmilla, you fool.

But once his face entered my thoughts, I couldn’t push it away.

His gentle green eyes, his calm voice, the warmth of his hand covering mine when I cried…

His soft, velvety tone.

I wanted to talk to him more. To know him better.

But I quickly shut my eyes and cleared my mind.

I couldn’t let myself be swayed so easily. I couldn’t let myself fall.

I no longer trusted myself when it came to love.

“The first time I loved it, it killed me. In the most miserable way possible.”

As that memory surfaced, the excitement in my heart faded like cooling embers.

And it wasn’t just that.

I still had to endure Bern and Raina’s wedding.

If I let myself get hurt again, I might not survive it this time.

I had to be careful. I had to stay on solid ground.

It was the only way to stay alive.

That thought made me feel bitter, but not sad. It was simply a fact, something I had to accept.

“That’s just how it is.”

Illness doesn’t choose its victims. Tragedy doesn’t ask for permission.

It just happens. I got hurt. And now, I had to live with that.

It was no different from having a physical injury—just something I had to manage.

But thinking about all of this before even going to the mines made my heart feel heavy.

There were too many decisions to make.

Too many things press down on me at once.

Would I be able to handle it all?

I still didn’t know how much I could bear.

Especially the wedding.

Every time I thought I was healed, I would break down in tears again.

So I couldn’t trust myself completely.

“But I’ve come so far.”

That time when Jed confronted me, when Raina said she wouldn’t have felt guilty if she had done the same thing to me—those moments had shattered me.

What if it happened again?

Would I survive it?

“Maybe I should just run away. Ignore it. Pretend it doesn’t exist.”

The thought slipped from my lips before I could stop it.

But I shook my head.

Avoiding it wouldn’t make it go away.

The memories, the nightmares—they would still haunt me.

I had to face it.

I had to see it end.

If it destroyed me, then I would walk away.

But I believed—just a little—that I could handle it now.

“I’ve come a long way. I’ve found happiness again. I’ll be okay.”

I wasn’t that broken, desperate girl anymore.

Even if I had to witness their wedding, I would endure it.

Placing my hand over my heart, I let my eyes close.

I had filled this heart with so many new things.

New memories. New bonds. New emotions.

I was no longer just made of scars.

My pain had shaped me, but it had also deepened me, like a lake.

That depth allowed me to understand others, and to care for them.

Like how I could now truly understand Lysdel. Like how I could share Diane’s pain.

Like how I had finally come to understand my mother.

I had grown. I had changed.

The past had left me with wounds, but also with wisdom.

That was proof I had survived.

That was proof I could be happy again.

Someday, even if it took years, I would fully heal.

I would be free.

I would be whole.

A strange warmth filled my eyes. But I didn’t try to stop the tears.

Because of this pain—it was natural.

It was okay.

And just like that, the day arrived.

The day is written on the invitation from the Silver Rose.

I had days to prepare, yet it felt like it had come so quickly.

And strangely, I felt excited.

I hadn’t told anyone about it. Not because it was a secret, but because I didn’t want any fuss.

Still, Lysdel noticed.

“You seem to be in a good mood today.”

Instead of answering honestly, I simply smiled.

“Do I? Maybe it’s because the weather is nice.”

Then I turned to Hannah.

“Hannah, I want to wear the silver rose hairpin today. Can you help me?”

Hannah nodded.

“Of course, my lady. If we pin it into a half-up hairstyle, it’ll look like it was made just for you.”

As she went to fetch the hairpin, Lysdel gave me a curious look.