IAMFMFL CH 05

Nazar, as always, was sitting on the sofa in the reception room. It seemed he had been quietly reading, because the moment I stepped inside, he slowly closed the cover of his book.

Through the lenses of his glasses, his low-saturation, dark crimson eyes fixed on me. Even though it had only been two days since I last saw him, his features were so harmonious and striking that they always felt new.

After staring at me in silence for a moment, he took off his glasses and placed them on the table.

His stiff gaze, his closed lips… everything about him felt unusually bleak. Did something happen? I hesitated as I closed the door and spoke.

“H-Hi, Nazar. Have you eaten?”

There was no reply.

What is this? Nazar continued to stare at me with the same cold expression, and for some reason, it made me wonder if I had done something wrong.

I lingered near the door, circling awkwardly as I watched his mood.

“What are you doing?”

“Huh? Oh, nothing. It just feels a bit cooler around here…”

“Did you eat something bad? Stop talking nonsense and come sit down.”

Like an obedient dog, I hurried over and dropped into the seat in front of him. The moment we faced each other, I tried to imitate the old Katrina so he wouldn’t pick at me like he did at the dining table.

In other words, I started acting noisy.

“What’s going on, Nazar? You don’t usually visit this often! Oh, you came because you missed me, right? Right? That’s it, isn’t it?”

It had only been two days, but why did this already feel so exhausting?

I looked at him with sparkling eyes, but his expression only grew colder, as if he were witnessing something unpleasant. I quietly relaxed my gaze.

“Kate, I heard you were reading a book just now?”

“A book?”

At his question, I recalled the moment before I met Rick, when I had been drinking tea.

“Yeah, that’s right. Well, to be precise… I had it open intending to read it.”

“Why all of a sudden?”

For a moment, I was thrown into deep thought. It seemed like a trivial question, but Nazar wasn’t the type to start a conversation over something trivial when he was in a bad mood.

What should I say? That I needed to become a proper lady to find him a lover? That I started reading for that reason?

That would crush his pride from every angle. So I forced my rarely used brain to work and came up with the best possible answer.

“Because I want a girlfriend.”

The room fell silent.

At the same time, Nazar began examining my face carefully. Literally examining it. His gaze was so persistent that my cheeks began to tingle.

Before I could break into a cold sweat, I quickly averted my eyes. Even then, his gaze remained fixed on me.

“Did I hear that right? You just said you want a girlfriend?”

“Y-Yeah. I only hang out with my brothers every day, so I don’t really know how to get along with girls. So I read some etiquette books about tea parties.”

“What brought this change? Just a week ago, you said you didn’t need friends at all. You said even if the world collapsed, as long as you had me, that was enough.”

I definitely remembered saying something like that. Thinking back, it really was embarrassingly excessive. There are so many things in the world besides Nazar!

“Well… when I thought about it, I figured I should at least have one or two friends. If I didn’t have you or my brothers, I’d always be alone. And that feels… really miserable.”

Yes, that was it. What I had been feeling all this time wasn’t loneliness, but misery.

Looking back, I had always pretended I was fine, but deep down, I was ashamed and humiliated by my place as someone disliked by others. I must have clung to Nazar even more just to hide that feeling.

It felt strange to admit such honest emotions so suddenly. But also refreshing. Becoming the new Katrina really was the right choice!

But it seemed I was the only one who felt refreshed. Even after my sincere confession, Nazar’s gaze remained cold and persistent.

“So that’s why you’ve suddenly started practicing embroidery, searching for famous dressmakers, and memorizing the names of handsome noblemen? Do you really think that will help you make friends?”

At that moment, it felt like all the blood drained from my head.

“W-Where did you hear that?”

“From Lockhard. He talks about you every time we meet. I’m sick of hearing it.”

Lockhard and Nazar were both nineteen, close friends.

After Eden was chosen as the heir, Lockhard left early for the Imperial Academy, declaring he would become Nazar’s sword.

That was the beginning.

My passionate one-sided love for Nazar began the year Lockhard entered the academy and brought along a beautiful boy as his “friend.”

Of course, I never imagined that love would last long enough to lead to an engagement.

I took a deep breath. The problem now wasn’t my crush. It was that Lockhard was reporting all my private matters to Nazar!

“That bastard Lockhard!”

Bang!

I instinctively clenched my fist and slammed the table. Then immediately stiffened and pulled my hand back.

“Ahem. Sorry you had to hear all that. I’ll make sure to shut Lockhard up from now on.”

Hearing about someone you’re not interested in over and over is quite a chore. I could easily imagine Nazar’s expression while listening. Bored. Annoyed. Sleepy.

With his arms crossed and hand on his chin, he spoke slowly.

“So, what’s your answer?”

“…Answer? What answer?”

“I asked whether memorizing the names of handsome noblemen is necessary for making friends.”

His already deep, low voice sounded even heavier today. He might joke around sometimes, but this was the first time he was so openly in a bad mood.

What on earth happened? Thinking I should at least cheer him up, I answered in a voice twice as lively as usual.

“Of course! It’s really important! Girls need common ground when they talk. When guys gather, they talk about girls, right? When girls gather, they get excited talking about guys. So you absolutely have to memorize them!”

“Hm.”

That didn’t seem to help. If anything, Nazar leaned back further as if deep in thought.

His narrowed eyes scanned me up and down, as if analyzing the curve of my smile and the angle of my brows in detail.

“Fine. If you need to make friends, I can’t just sit back as your fiancé. I’ll be your practice partner today. Tell me one of the names you’ve memorized.”

That was not a welcome offer.

“Thanks, but I’m really okay.”

“Say it.”

His tone was so firm that I blurted out the first name that came to mind.

“Um… Pansione Entera.”

I remembered Daisy mentioning him. Vice-captain of the 2nd Imperial Guard Knights.

A sword genius who reached that position in his mid-twenties. A capable, unmarried man sought after by both young ladies and married noblewomen.

Of course, I had never seen him.

“Pansione Entera…”

After briefly closing his eyes, Nazar suddenly asked,

“Lady Kate, what part of Sir Pansione made you fall for him?”

Was this roleplay? But his tone felt strange. No noble lady would speak with such force.

And fall for him? I hadn’t even seen his face!

His gaze, once merely cold, now felt sharp enough to tear into my cheeks. I shrank slightly and answered,

“I-I haven’t fallen for him.”

Was that too firm? I hurried to add more, making things up as I went.

“But he’s probably very… well…”

Handsome, right? If he’s popular, he must be.

“And he’s a knight, so he must have a strong build…”

Probably. He is a vice-captain after all.

“So I think my face would turn red every time I see him. What about you, Lady Nazar? What kind of person catches your eye?”

Holding my teacup with my pinky raised, covering my mouth when I smiled, I carefully acted like a proper lady as I met his gaze.

Since he was even doing roleplay for me, I wanted to at least try my best.

But for some reason, Nazar said nothing. His expression, which had seemed ready to devour me, was now completely still.

Did I mess up? I don’t know what, but I definitely did.

I was certain something displeased him. But no matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t figure out what.

After some time, he finally spoke, letting out a heavy sigh.

“Kate, you need to take responsibility for what you say. I’m not the only one who thinks so, am I?”

What does that even mean? This feels bad. I didn’t understand a single word he was saying.

Resting his chin on the sofa, he sighed again. His voice, once soft like freshly baked castella, had turned dry.

“Those in high positions have many responsibilities alongside their privileges. The reason I, as crown prince, chose you as my fiancée…”

He suddenly stopped. Rubbing his forehead, he slowly twisted his expression before asking,

“How old are you this year? Sixteen?”

“Fifteen.”

“…That’s ridiculously young. What am I even doing with a fifteen-year-old…”

That was his third sigh. I couldn’t exactly say, “Mentally, I’m seventeen.”

No one would take that seriously.

“Do you even know how old I am?”

“Of course I do. Do you think I can’t even count? You’re nineteen this year.”

My confident answer made one of his brows twitch slightly.

It was a small change, but the heavy atmosphere lightened just a bit.

Why do I have to feel so intimidated in front of my own fiancé?

I bit my lip in frustration. This is what happens when you like someone first, more, and longer. You lose.

In my mind, I punched twelve-year-old Lockhard who brought Nazar to me.

This is all that idiot’s fault!

“…Fine. There’s no need to rush.”

With that, Nazar gestured lightly.

Understanding he meant for me to come closer, I hurried over and took the seat beside him.