~Chapter 40~
“Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
“Then why are you even angry at me?”
At that, Cedric stubbornly clamped his mouth shut.
He stayed that way all the way back to the castle, until they dismounted from the horse.
“Hold on tight around my neck.”
Cedric spoke a little abruptly as he carried Eileen in his arms. His mouth was set in a stiff line.
“…You’re really going to carry me like this?”
“Do you hate the idea of me bringing you to your room?”
“No, that’s not it. I’m just worried you might drop me.”
“I could lift three of you without a problem. Don’t worry.”
Cedric’s eyes were sharp as he looked straight ahead while walking.
Eileen waited quietly. She knew Cedric—when he was in this state, he couldn’t hold back his words for long.
What are you really thinking right now?
Sure enough, his Adam’s apple moved sharply as he swallowed. He finally glanced down at her.
“Why didn’t you tell me before going out alone?”
“You mean about looking for Diana?”
“You practically knew for certain she’d be at the tower. Even Diana said you looked like you already knew.”
Oh no. That question, right off the bat.
This was not going to be easy to dodge.
Eileen tried to make her excuse sound as natural as possible.
“Well, you know me. I always know everything, and I’m never wrong.”
“If you’re that smart and always right, then you should’ve brought me along. Then you wouldn’t have nearly gotten yourself killed.”
Out of nowhere, Eileen felt the urge to ask a strange question. She didn’t even think to stop herself before the words slipped out.
“…Would you be sad if I died?”
“What kind of question is that?”
“I just… wondered.”
Cedric froze on the spot.
Sad if she died?
What kind of ridiculous question was that? He didn’t even want to imagine it.
“You won’t die. There won’t be a ‘next time’ for something like this.”
“…Unless we end up fighting again.”
“I never intended to fight with you.”
Eileen snapped her head up, glaring at him in disbelief.
“Do you remember who picked the fight first?”
“You said Diana was my responsibility.”
“Of course she’s your responsibility. What I meant was that you need to admit you’re not handling it properly.”
But this time, Eileen didn’t even have the energy to argue. Everything just felt exhausting.
“We’re crazy, right? Snapping at each other, then glaring like we’re about to fight again.”
She let out a laugh—not real amusement, but closer to a dry, bitter chuckle.
“Let’s stop. I’m tired.”
She leaned her head gently against Cedric’s chest.
Her vision rose and fell with each step, and she could hear his heartbeat steady in her ears.
“…I know.”
After a long silence, Cedric adjusted his hold on her and kept walking.
“I know I’m pathetic sometimes, shortsighted.”
“At least you admit it.”
“And I’m unbearably stubborn too.”
“You even know that?”
“And I know you don’t trust me.”
Eileen had been throwing back little retorts at each line, but this time she stopped him with real protest.
“That part, you’re wrong.”
His heartbeat seemed to quicken slightly in her ear.
She could only say it because she wasn’t looking into his blue eyes at the moment.
“…I do trust you. Earlier, I thought you’d come to save me. It’s funny, isn’t it? But still, in that brief moment, I knew you’d find a way to rescue me.”
“If I had been even a little late, you would’ve been dead.”
“But you came. Didn’t you?”
“…I can’t always arrive in time. That’s why—even if you hate it—don’t do anything reckless again.”
At this point Cedric had to admit the truth: the simmering anger he’d felt all this time wasn’t really at Eileen, or even at the assassins.
It was at himself—Cedric Lowell, too proud to bend his pride, yet responsible for all of this.
And still, even now, he couldn’t fully let go of that pride.
“…Even when you act unbearably annoying, I still believe you’re a good person, Cedric.”
Eileen whispered it so softly it was barely audible—but to him, it rang crystal clear.
His heart dropped with a heavy thud. Not in a bad way, but almost the opposite.
A tingling warmth spread through his chest, reaching everywhere.
“So stop being annoying. Before I take back what I just said about you being a good person.”
Of course, Eileen had a way of ruining the touching moments almost immediately.
Still, Cedric couldn’t erase the smile tugging at his lips.
Ah, he’d missed this kind of familiar feeling. Their cold silence had only lasted half a day, yet that distance had felt unbearable.
“…I’ll try not to be annoying.”
“Really?”
“I don’t like fighting with you, or not talking to you.”
The words slipped out unconsciously, straight from his heart.
No matter how much he resolved to keep his distance, it was already too late for that.
“Alright.”
“…Alright?”
When he asked what she meant, Eileen answered in a calm, even tone:
“Let’s just try to get along peacefully for now.”
Inwardly, she added: Though we’ll probably fight again soon enough.
Once again, Cedric gave in. She wasn’t sure whether she should be glad to see him lower himself this far.
But the bitter taste of their constant clashes still lingered strangely long.
At this point… maybe we really are people who just don’t fit together.
Their struggles weren’t only about Diana.
It was everything—their clashing personalities, their opposing viewpoints on every little thing.
Like water and oil, doomed never to mix.
This engagement was destined to end eventually. The thought left her with a sudden, hollow emptiness.
***
By the time all the commotion had died down, the castle was nearly silent.
The hour before dawn, when the dim light of early morning painted the world in bluish gray.
Eileen woke up from sleep, disturbed by a dull ache creeping up from her injured ankle.
She sat up, gazing out the window. Snow had thinly layered the sill, a sign winter had begun. But it wasn’t much—once the sun rose properly, it would probably melt away.
“Should I gather some of that snow and put it on my ankle?”
The throbbing ache was much more noticeable now. Earlier, she must have ignored it because of the tension.
Mary had left her an ice pouch on the doctor’s orders, but the ice inside had already melted. There wasn’t much she could do now.
“…Maybe I should just lie back down.”
If her fatigue outweighed the pain, maybe she’d drift off again.
Just then, she heard movement outside her door. Footsteps.
“Mary?”
At this hour, who else would come but Mary? But when she called out, the hall fell silent.
Then came the faint clatter of something being set down, followed by the sound of footsteps retreating quickly.
Curious, Eileen got up and opened the door. For a moment, she thought she glimpsed golden hair vanishing around the corner.
“Diana?”
But by the time she spoke the name, the corridor was empty, wrapped in silence.
Looking down, she saw something left on the floor: a tray with a single teacup. Beside it…
“…Candy?”
Her words kept ending like questions—because she had no idea what Diana was thinking.
Eileen picked up the tray and carefully set it on the table. Steam still curled up from the cup, filled with an amber-orange tea.
Behind the cup, hidden until now, was a small folded note.
“Tea… that removes pain.”
The handwriting was neat enough, but smudged in places where the ink had splattered. Still, the meaning was clear.
The tea smelled faintly of herbs, with a slightly bitter tang mixed in.
“A kind of herbal tea?”
Eileen sat on the edge of her bed, tapping the cup lightly with her fingers, lost in thought.
