YRD 28

You Died –

Chapter 28……………………………

After finishing her prayer, the Saint was exchanging a few words with the High Priest.

Unlike before, she did not openly reveal her presence.

As Cardin’s gaze clung stubbornly to her, Raymond let out a silent, amused chuckle.

“Does the Saint have honey smeared on her face or something?”

“Is he going to be the next Pope?”

“Well, he’s been mentioned for a while now as a leading candidate.”

That man becoming the Pope.

It was something that had nothing to do with him, yet for some reason the Saint’s face kept floating into his mind.

After finishing her conversation with the High Priest, the Saint used her divine power to address everyone.

“On behalf of Melisa, I thank all of you who have come to mourn the passing of His Holiness the Pope. May the blessing of Gloria be with everyone gathered here.”

After finishing her brief words, the Saint closed her eyes for a moment.

The weight that had been pressing on his shoulders eased, and his exhausted body felt refreshed. It was similar to when the Saint had bestowed a blessing upon him before.

Of course, it was weaker than back then.

Those receiving a blessing for the first time all wore faces filled with awe and emotion.

Shallen bowed slightly in greeting, then left without hesitation.

“You look disappointed.”

“Your Highness. Please stop.”

Though he maintained proper decorum, Cardin made no effort to control his expression.

As if annoyed by a friend’s teasing, he scowled.

“I should be going now.”

“Without talking with me more?”

“Yes.”

Raymond hurriedly grabbed Cardin’s wrist.

“Really?”

Cardin, openly displaying his displeasure, twisted his face sharply and pulled his hand away.

“Then I’ll be going.”

Raymond watched Cardin’s back as he turned and disappeared into the crowd, then let out a hollow laugh.

He shifted his gaze to the path the Saint had taken and fell into thought for a moment.

Among his siblings, he was the only one who did not believe in the god Gloria.

Even so, the reason he had come here was because he had heard that Cardin would be attending.

Until he heard that the Saint’s first pilgrimage route had been decided as the Kingdom of Helen, he hadn’t been particularly interested.

When rumors spread that Cardin and the Saint had danced together there, he hadn’t believed them.

Even if they had danced, he thought it must have been at the king’s request.

When he heard that Cardin would attend the funeral, he felt a bit puzzled—but didn’t think much of it.

He would be seeing him again soon anyway, and had come to the temple simply thinking of meeting an old friend after a long time.

But Cardin seemed unlike the man he knew.

The fact that someone who had been indifferent to everything would hold his gaze on a single person for so long was surprising in itself.

And that the person was the Saint, of all people. A man who didn’t even believe in God taking interest in a Saint.

Then maybe the dance hadn’t been ordered by the king after all. From what he had seen himself, it didn’t seem like something forced upon him.

Raymond left the funeral belatedly.

* * *

After returning to my room, I fell asleep from sheer exhaustion.

And then I dreamed of the distant past.

I didn’t know whether it was a dream, my imagination, or a memory—but within my field of vision, Cardin existed.

I was standing across from Cardin, who was seated at his desk in his office.

I knew it wasn’t reality.

His face wasn’t very different from now, but the atmosphere was—so I could tell immediately.

It was the time when he and I were husband and wife.

“Madam. What on earth are you so dissatisfied with? There doesn’t seem to be any particular reason.”

Cardin rested his clasped hands on the desk and furrowed his brows out of habit.

Words I had heard before. I remembered this moment—the day I had spoken harshly to him.

It was a day I had regretted countless times, so I could never forget it.

As Cardin stared straight at me, I slowly opened my mouth.

I didn’t want to wound him again, so I tried to say something different.

“I’m not dissatisfied with anything. I just hate this place.”

No, that wasn’t it. Contrary to my true feelings, I repeated the words I had spoken long ago.

I wanted to shake my head and say it wasn’t true, but as if bound by a predetermined script, there was nothing I could do on my own.

“Does your reason for hating it include me?”

“Yes. I hate you too, and I hate this place so much.”

At the time, I didn’t know. I was so busy speaking against my true feelings that I failed to notice.

His clasped hands were trembling slightly, tightly clenched.

“What is it about me that you hate so much?”

“…What’s so good about a marriage where the couple barely talks? I hate how silent you are, and I hate this cold place. So please, divorce me.”

“If you leave this place, do you even have anywhere to go?”

“I’ll figure that out myself.”

“You say you’ll leave without even deciding where to go—how could I let you? Do you know what hardships you might face out there?”

Despite his expression, he was genuinely worried about me.

No—perhaps “was” would be more accurate.

My mouth opened again of its own accord, and I spoke coldly.

“You don’t need to worry about that.”

Even at my words, Cardin did not get angry. He had shown me so much consideration, done so much for me.

Why didn’t he get angry and scold me for being selfish after accepting all that consideration?

The Cardin of that time, and the Cardin in front of me now in this dream, said the same thing.

“I am your husband, and you are my person. How could I not worry?”

My eyes burned. The me of that time seemed to feel the same emotions I felt now.

He wouldn’t know. I wasn’t worthy of being comforted by those words, yet I was comforted, and I felt a sense of stability.

And then guilt settled heavily on my chest.

The sin of having stood by and watched his death was so great that I held back my tears.

“Is there really a need to keep this marriage going? Even if we divorce, His Majesty won’t interfere anymore.”

He let out a short laugh, ran a large hand over his face, and spoke.

“Do you really think that’s why I’m doing all this?”

I knew that it wasn’t just out of responsibility for having made me his wife that he couldn’t let me go.

“…Please stop making me so miserable.”

“What?”

A strong urge surged to cover my mouth. But in the dream, I couldn’t act as I wished—my hands, as expected, did not move.

“Then I’ll take that as agreement and step outside.”

As I turned and took a few steps—

“Shallen.”

My name. A name I had come to dislike at some point, yet one that had also made me like it again because of him.

He called my name.

My steps stopped instinctively.

“Shallen Ferdian.”

“……”

“Just remember that—that is your name.”

A tear fell.

I thought it was fortunate that Cardin wasn’t seeing me like this.

The present me thought the same.

Without responding to his words, I started walking again.

Leaving him behind—again.

As I exited his office, a familiar corridor blurred into my vision.

The grand duke’s residence. My home.

From Cardin’s perspective, it might have looked as though I shamelessly and confidently walked out and closed the door, but I couldn’t even take another step.

Leaning against the tightly closed door, I sank down where I stood.

When I buried my face in my knees, my tear-blurred vision faded into darkness.

My eyelids burned with heat.

Perhaps because it was a dream and I had become immersed in it—but I cried again, apologizing to the you of that time.

That day, so caught up in sorting out my own emotions, I failed to hear the familiar sound of footsteps.

After taking a long way around, I finally heard them. Only then did my body move as I wished.

When I lifted my head, the now-clear footsteps stopped in front of the door I was leaning against.

The door at my back moved slightly.

He sat down, leaning against it as well.

I hadn’t known.

I hadn’t known that the man who always protected me was, even with a door between us, comforting me once more.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry….”