CHAPTER 25……………………………………….
You Died
I passed by Cardin.
I passed him by—the man who had come to me first, believing that not becoming entangled with me was the way to protect me.
One step, two steps, trying to forget the short life I shared with you.
One step, two steps more, forcing myself not to turn back despite the urge to do so.
I went down the stairs.
His scent should have faded, but the traces of him draped over my shoulders followed me.
Perhaps because of that, I hesitated several times even as I descended.
I prayed belatedly to God, hoping I didn’t look like someone clinging to regret—hoping he wouldn’t feel even the slightest curiosity about me.
I couldn’t hear Cardin’s footsteps. It seemed he was still standing there.
I tightened my unfocused gaze.
Even without seeing it, I knew my eyelids had grown hot, flushed red.
I held my breath, then swallowed hard once.
When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I let go of Alec’s hand.
“Saintess?”
At the sound of Alec calling me, I held my breath and forced the corners of my mouth upward.
“Let’s go.”
“Yes.”
Click. Click.
The sound of my heels broke off unevenly, betraying my firm resolve.
Love was a strange thing—it made me feel ashamed of myself as I was now.
My haggard appearance.
My faltering steps.
Everything felt embarrassing for him to see.
My breathing trembled and my vision blurred, but I didn’t close my eyes.
If I did, the effort I’d made to steady my gaze would be meaningless.
So I kept walking.
Alec, who had been a step ahead of me, glanced over his shoulder and spoke quietly.
“Saintess. The funeral mass has begun at the Central Plaza.”
I swallowed again before answering.
“I see. Is Cardinal Harold there as well, by any chance?”
“I’ll check.”
“…Thank you.”
As Alec’s gaze shifted away, my eyes rolled sideways like loose marbles.
As if trying to look at the man behind me—someone I couldn’t possibly see.
The tip of my shoe reached the spot where he had been standing, then passed it.
After a few more steps, I reached a place where he could no longer see me.
When we entered the colonnaded path lined with round pillars, Alec stopped me.
“I’ll deliver the outerwear for you.”
I slowly smoothed the front of my jacket and nodded.
“Please do.”
He handed over Cardin’s coat—the one that had rested on me for a brief moment.
“Then I’ll return.”
I was grateful. Grateful that someone spoke beside me when I couldn’t collect myself.
After escorting me to my room, Alec returned to Cardin.
I watched his retreating figure for a moment before turning the doorknob.
When I entered, Amy rushed toward me, as though she’d been waiting.
“Saintess!”
“Amy.”
“Are you all right?!”
“I’m fine.”
She looked as though she hadn’t slept either, having worried over me so much.
Amy handed me a cup of water she had prepared in advance.
“Saintess, please drink some water first.”
“Thank you.”
I took the cup and slowly brought it to my dry lips.
The lukewarm water moistened my mouth and slid down my throat.
Watching me, Amy looked restless, as if afraid I might gulp it down too fast.
After quenching my thirst, I smiled faintly.
“I feel a bit more alive now, thanks to you.”
Perhaps my voice lacked strength, because Amy let out a long sigh.
“Please wash up and get some rest.”
At her worried words, I smiled lightly and removed my clothes. She lowered her eyes and took them from me.
“Saintess, you really need to sleep. You’ve pushed yourself too hard.”
“Hearing you worry makes me feel good.”
“Anyone would worry.”
“Is that so.”
“Yes?”
I shook my head, and she puffed out her lips. This time, I deliberately ignored her sulking.
When I entered the bathroom filled with soft, billowing steam, Cardin surfaced in my mind again, like mist.
I hadn’t seen his expression—only a blurred afterimage remained.
I needed to get a grip, but in my hazy state, my thoughts instinctively sought Cardin.
As I sank into the bath, my fatigue seemed to melt away.
“Saintess, I’ll prepare your meal shortly.”
Thanks to Amy, I was able to pull myself out of my reverie.
“I don’t have much of an appetite. Could I eat later?”
“What if you collapse?!”
Without answering, I smiled faintly and changed the subject.
“Do you know where Lady Aria is?”
“She’s filling in for you, Saintess.”
“I see.”
It seemed Aria had attended the funeral mass in my place during the farewell prayers.
Feeling somewhat reassured, I closed my eyes for a moment, hoping even the stubborn emotions clinging to me would be washed away.
The rain had stopped, but the sky remained overcast. Cardin noticed a figure approaching and descended the stairs.
It was someone he had seen earlier.
The Saintess had called him a commander.
He appeared to be the commander of the Melissa Holy Knights. When Cardin saw his own jacket in Alec’s hands, his eyebrow twitched.
The commander soon stood before him.
“I greet His Grace, Grand Duke Ferdian of the Kingdom of Helen.”
Though polite, his wariness was obvious.
“Is the Saintess all right?”
“Yes. She is.”
Alec, seemingly unwilling to speak about Shallen, immediately held out the jacket.
Cardin looked down at it, then asked,
“How long has the Saintess been there?”
Alec raised one eyebrow.
Recalling the temple head’s earlier questions about him, he swallowed his reply.
When Alec remained silent, Cardin clicked his tongue softly and took the jacket.
“No matter how much she is the Saintess, if she neither eats nor sleeps for days and stands in the rain, she’ll fall ill. It seems those here don’t understand that.”
“Are you worried about the Saintess?”
The tone was sharp. Cardin tilted his head as he put on the jacket.
“Is that not allowed?”
He didn’t know why he felt irritated, but he found this so-called commander deeply unlikable.
Was it because he belonged to the temple? Perhaps. Even he couldn’t define it clearly.
Lowering his gaze, Cardin shifted his eyes to Alec’s hand.
The hand the Saintess had held just moments ago.
Replaying that moment only worsened his mood.
“Why does Your Grace concern yourself with the Saintess?”
“Anyone would worry if they saw that.”
“You needn’t.”
As Cardin frowned, Alec looked toward the altar behind him and spoke again.
“If you truly care for the Saintess, then withdraw both your concern and your attention.”
With a brief bow, Alec turned and retraced his steps.
Cardin’s lips trembled.
On a rainy day, seeing her kneeling alone as if she were an offering, praying—how could one not be concerned?
That was what he thought.
Without realizing that it was the first time he had watched someone for so long.
Turning away, Cardin looked up at the altar.
Under the gray sky, the image of her small back—trembling in the rain yet never losing composure—rose vividly in his mind.
Her face had been unbearably pale. How long had she been like that?
Had she been doing this since the day the Pope died?
His chest felt tight.
Attending the Pope’s funeral had been nothing more than a whim.
He had, of course, intended to refuse—but Shallen’s letter had caught his eye once more.
So he read it again.
The subtly changed letter.
At first, he hadn’t paid it much mind, but by the second reading, his brow had furrowed without him noticing.
Enclosed with the letter was the handkerchief she asked him to return when they met again.
Come to think of it, the Saintess had told him never to come here again.
She hadn’t seemed that way when they walked through the forest together.
“…It’s been so long since I last saw wisteria.”
A woman who looked like a flower about to wilt at any moment.
“I’m glad we can see those wisteria blossoms together.”
A woman who smiled like a flower about to bloom.
She changed after meeting the temple head.
Though the cardinal had never threatened him, she used her small frame to shield Cardin, as if protecting him.
He had found it strange, but assumed there must be a reason.
Back then, and even on his way here, he hadn’t thought deeply about it.
But seeing the Saintess now, he was certain he wouldn’t be able to ignore it anymore.
She troubled his thoughts.
“Saintess, please eat slowly—and if you feel unwell, call for me right away!”
“All right. I will.”
Having concealed my haggard appearance, I finally gave in to Amy’s insistence and sat down, nodding.
Not long after Amy left, there came a knock at the door.
As if I’d been waiting for it, I spoke to the person outside.
“Please, come in.”
