You Are Dead 23……………………………………
I thought only hatred would remain in this place.
As doubt suddenly began to creep in, the versions of myself buried deep in my heart spread like mist rising over water.
Was it because the statue I leaned on was cold? My chest ached.
This was the feeling that used to come when I drew Kardin.
When the sanctity of my first life was fulfilled, I felt a small sense of pride. I thought I had honorably completed my duty and stepped down from my place.
I even smiled when someone came to guide me somewhere.
With calm steps and the kind of saintly smile others expected, I walked on my own feet toward the dark corners.
Would the previous saints be there? Would they all live together? If the child I had once been had fulfilled her duties as a saint, would they praise me?
With a heart filled with that anticipation, I took one step, then another, toward that place.
Those who guided me seemed cold, but I thought it was just the hollow feelings hiding behind my excitement that made them appear so.
Yet their behavior had clearly changed.
When I was locked in a prison, I didn’t immediately feel betrayed by them.
Was I lacking? What was the problem? Was it because my sanctity was insufficient, and they felt dissatisfied?
At first, I blamed myself. If I hadn’t heard Aria’s voice, I might have continued blaming myself endlessly.
The delayed feeling of betrayal was indescribable. The more my hatred grew, the more pathetic I became. There was nothing I could do.
A saint who had lost her sanctity.
A saint who had already lost all use could do nothing but endure the bottomless emptiness.
The end of it was resignation.
Perhaps if Kardin hadn’t come to find me, I might have forgotten the hatred of this place.
For things one doesn’t want to remember, forgetting is easier on the heart.
A tightly hidden emotion came forward and greeted me, and a single tear fell.
Just that much. I thought it was just enough bitterness to shed a single tear, and I buried myself into the statue.
If I assumed my sanctity had been taken, what emotions should I feel? There was no simple answer.
Should I now feel betrayed and nurture my hatred further?
For the moment, I just wanted to lean on something.
I pushed away the thoughts and emotions swirling in my head, telling myself I would visit the Pope again tomorrow.
It was the path to the Pope.
I stopped when I saw someone walking toward me.
It was Philip.
On the day he pledged his loyalty to me, I had asked him to look into the pilgrimage routes.
Had he already found them?
Yet Philip’s expression as he approached me was dark.
A petal slowly fell from a tree in front of me. In that fleeting moment, as it partially obscured him, I instinctively looked up toward the building where the Pope was.
Before I knew it, Philip stood in front of me and called my name.
“Saint.”
“…….”
“Your Holiness…”
In the numbing quiet, I barely heard his voice, but I knew my intuition had been correct.
I passed Philip and headed toward the Pope.
Even at this early hour, the building where the Pope resided was bustling.
I had only seen the Pope yesterday.
The first of the three regressions. My first time facing the Pope.
Only a single day had passed.
Seeing people rushing into the building, my hurried steps froze as if someone had stopped me.
The Pope’s death had been accelerated.
I wasn’t even prepared to change the decayed Melissa.
A flashback of the Pope’s lifeless visage from yesterday escaped as a bitter laugh.
Ah… was this what I had been missing?
I knew from returning to this life that the future could change, yet I had only thought according to my own desires.
I had forgotten that a narrow perspective could allow the wind to blow in the wrong direction.
I saw Fabian emerging from the building.
His face was free of the shadows of the nightmare.
“Spare me… me… I will return the sanctity I took… please, save me…”
Was it a coincidence that the Pope’s words came to mind at this moment?
As he turned his head, his eyes met mine.
He walked toward me with a kind smile, hiding the sadness.
The closer he came, the more my expression hardened.
Here was someone who could already move this place according to his will, stepping closer to the future he envisioned, while I, unprepared and uncertain of my drawn future, felt lost.
For a moment, I lost confidence in myself.
Still, a cowardly thought flickered through my mind: if only Kardin lost his connection to Melissa in the future, wouldn’t that be enough?
“Saint.”
“…….”
“His Holiness has passed away.”
I already knew, but Fabian spoke as if to confirm it for me.
I couldn’t respond. Fear had bloomed in the heart that had once held only hatred.
“We need to prepare the funeral so that you can go to Gloria’s side.”
“…….”
“Saint?”
“Yes. I will prepare.”
“You seem greatly surprised, Saint.”
I didn’t want him to see my inner thoughts, but it felt like he had already read everything.
I bit my lower lip slightly, and his gaze dropped.
“I will assist you from now on, so you need not worry.”
On top of the dress, the crescent-shaped nail marks on his hands seemed to endlessly carve themselves into him.
“……Yes. I will go now.”
“Please pray for His Holiness, Saint.”
I bowed briefly and turned my back.
The temple quickly became bustling with preparations for the Pope’s funeral.
I returned to my room and immersed myself in the consecrated water, receiving multiple hands that helped purify my body.
My task was to accompany the Pope’s journey to Gloria for three days.
While I prayed at the altar at the back, others would prepare the funeral mass.
Many people from various countries would probably come again.
The Pope had a favorable image, so people would mourn.
“Saint, all is ready.”
After finishing my bath, Amy brought a large towel.
She tried to dry me while her face bore worry.
Though it couldn’t truly be erased, I placed my hand on her cheek and smiled faintly.
“Let’s get ready.”
“Yes!”
The preparations went quickly afterward.
I wore the clothes that those dressing me put on and waited.
Tap. Tap.
I turned my head at the sound on the window and saw raindrops falling from the clear sky.
“What do we do…”
Amy covered her mouth with both hands, and I gently held her arm.
There were still others in the room.
Showing worry for me at the Pope’s funeral would not look good.
“The heavens mourn as well.”
Amy glanced at me and pressed her lips together.
Tap. Tap.
“Saint, the ceremony is ready.”
I rose from my seat and exhaled deeply.
Wearing a mask of feigned sorrow, I left the room.
The one who would guide me was the paladin commander, Alec. He, too, looked down at me with concern, just like Amy.
I avoided Alec’s gaze.
“Shall we go, Commander?”
“Yes. I will escort you.”
I nodded shortly and headed toward the altar where the ceremony awaited.
The sky, covered in dark clouds, seemed ready to pour rain at any moment.
“It has been announced.”
So the Pope’s death was already known. People from various countries would soon arrive.
“I see.”
He lowered his voice so that others could not hear.
While I conducted the ceremony, Philip would search for information about the pilgrimage in the Pope’s chambers and offices.
Hearing this, I recalled the moment of my cowardice.
At this moment, I could not face the faces of Philip and Alec, who had pledged to follow and trust me.
Stepping out of the shelter that blocked the rain, raindrops fell onto my cheeks.
Beneath the white altar, priests and cardinals bowed their heads in unison.
Feeling Alec’s gaze, I smiled faintly and said,
“I will go alone from here.”
He stepped back respectfully.
Along the path to the altar, white cloths fluttered in the wind on both sides.
Passing the priests and cardinals standing on either side, I reached the stairs.
“You may ascend, Saint.”
And so, I walked the path guided by the head of the temple, toward a future I had not wished for but which had arrived early.
If you want, I can also do a more polished, novel-style English version that reads smoothly while keeping all the emotional nuance intact. It would feel less like a literal translation and more like a readable story.
Do you want me to do that?
