Chapter 08
Between your existence and your absence.
On that boundary, I waited for you—ever since the moment you left.
And now, the you I had waited for stands before me in this world. You speak to me the name I had only ever called in my heart.
You looked younger than when we first met, yet the feeling you gave off was unchanged.
The scent I had missed so dearly lingered at the tip of my nose.
A fragrance like a winter forest.
The scent of the North—wintery, yet warm.
If we were to meet again, I had wondered countless times what kind of expression I should wear.
The conclusion was always the same.
Foolishly enough, I wanted to look pretty to you.
“Ha… I shouldn’t cry.”
Even as tears fell, I couldn’t stop smiling at the fact that you were standing right in front of me.
Cardin furrowed his brow and leaned forward slightly.
“Saintess, is something wrong?”
I pressed my lips together and shook my head, holding back the words, It’s just because I’m seeing you.
When Cardin tried to step back, I unknowingly grabbed his arm.
Perhaps startled by my action, he looked at me and spoke again.
“Were you afraid of me?”
“No. Not at all. Not even a little.”
There was no way I could be afraid of you.
To me, you were someone so foolishly responsible it bordered on absurdity—the most earnest person in the world.
“Then why are you like this?”
The moment I opened my mouth, tears once again slid down my cheeks.
“Because I missed you. Grand Duke Ferdian.”
“Why do you look at me like that?”
“Because no matter how much I look, I want to keep looking.”
Unable even to wipe away my tears, I smiled and spoke the words I had long wanted to say.
“You’re treating me as though I were someone you hadn’t seen in a long time. But I have no connection whatsoever to the Melissa Temple.”
He was right.
To him, this must have been our first meeting.
When I didn’t answer, he spoke again.
“I haven’t been a grand duke for very long, yet you already know of me.”
I suppose this was that kind of time—for both you and me.
“I heard you’re famous for being handsome. And that you’re an impressive person.”
Perhaps I wanted to say that I was proud of you.
So you were this young once, too.
“What about me is impressive?”
“That you protect the warm North.”
“The warm North…”
He repeated my words, chewing on them, then let out a short laugh. With a faint smile, he replied.
“You look nice when you smile.”
I liked his smile.
“What are you saying all of a sudden…?”
He looked momentarily flustered, touching the corner of his mouth.
I didn’t know why seeing you flustered made me so happy, but my lips refused to stop smiling.
“I didn’t mean for you to smile. But it’s nice to see you smile anyway, Grand Duke.”
“Then do you truly mean it—the ‘warm North’?”
“Yes, I mean it. And I truly mean that you’re handsome, too.”
“Khmm.”
Unable to pull his arm away from my grip, he turned his head aside and cleared his throat. Only then did I release his arm.
Smiling brightly at him, I held out my hand.
Cardin looked at the hand I offered, then grasped it with his large one. His calloused, solid hand felt as though it completely enveloped mine.
When he habitually furrowed his brow, I instinctively pressed my finger against it.
You always furrow your brow.
Is that why you’re pressing it with your finger?
Well, something like that. Don’t scowl. Everyone thinks you’re scary.
At my action, both of us froze in surprise, a brief silence falling between us.
After exchanging only a few words, habits from the past had slipped out without my realizing it.
I hurriedly pulled my finger away and spoke.
“Ah— I’m sorry.”
Rubbing his brow, he asked,
“And what was that just now?”
“It’s a habit. I was rude.”
“……”
“I’m sorry again.”
“It’s fine.”
Lowering my head, I gazed quietly at our still-clasped hands and closed my eyes.
And for the first time, I bestowed a blessing upon him.
In my past three lives, I had never been able to give him any divine power.
Perhaps that regret had accumulated—because the holy power I poured into him was on a completely different level from anything I had ever used before.
As the power rushed out of me, he must have felt it too, because he suddenly grabbed my wrist.
“What are you doing?”
Looking at him as he raised one eyebrow and tilted his head, I answered,
“A blessing.”
“And why are you giving it to me?”
So that this time, your winter won’t be cold.
So that, at least this once, flowers will bloom in your winter.
Suppressing my true feelings, I smiled brightly and spoke.
“You could say it’s in return for the handkerchief you gave me.”
“Is that handkerchief really worth receiving a blessing for? Or do you normally give blessings so freely?”
Cardin looked genuinely curious.
Knowing that he wasn’t someone who asked such questions lightly, I answered him honestly.
“Yes. Because it was the first one I ever received. And I’m the daughter of a not-so-merciful god—so you’re only the second person I’ve blessed.”
“……”
“Ah, the handkerchief—I’ll return it later…”
After saying “later,” I couldn’t finish the sentence.
Because I wondered whether I would be allowed to see you again.
In this life, I shouldn’t be entangled with you.
“If there is a later time, then return it then.”
After finishing his words, he slowly withdrew his hand from mine.
I tucked away my lingering regret and nodded.
“…Yes. It was nice to meet you, Grand Duke Ferdian.”
With that, our meeting came to an end.
I stood there, watching your retreating figure until it disappeared from sight.
“It was good to see you. So selfishly, seeing you just makes me happy.”
My grip unconsciously tightened around the handkerchief he had left behind.
Even as I returned to my room, Cardin’s afterimage lingered—
Cardin, with a youthful face, as if he too had traveled back in time like me.
Some faces never change, no matter how much time passes—faces you can never stop wanting to see.
I truly…
“Saintess!”
At the voice calling me, I looked up to see Amy running toward me.
“Saintess! Where did you go? I was looking for you everywhere!”
“I’m sorry. I went for a short walk. I made you worry.”
“Huh? Saintess?! Why are your eyes so red?! Did something happen?”
Shaking my head gently, I offered a faint smile.
“It must be because the air was cold.”
“Oh dear! We need to fix your makeup again! There’s not much time left before the banquet!”
Amy grabbed my hand and hurried ahead.
When I sat before the vanity and looked into the mirror, much of my makeup had been smudged.
To think you saw me like this. What a shame—how careless of me.
“Amy.”
“Yes, Saintess!”
“Could you make me even prettier than before?”
Finding my words amusing, Amy laughed brightly.
“Our Saintess is beautiful no matter what! But I’ll do my very best!”
“Thank you.”
Just in case.
If we were to meet again, I want you to see me at my prettiest—even if it’s a selfish wish.
As the finishing touches were being applied, a knock sounded at the door.
Knock, knock.
“Saintess.”
“Yes. Please come in.”
The one who entered was the palace maid who had guided me earlier.
“Saintess, the banquet has begun. I’ve come to escort you.”
I stood up, gently patted Amy’s head, and replied,
“I see. Shall we go?”
“Yes. Please follow me.”
Nodding, I turned to Amy and gave her a soft smile.
I wasn’t sure what she took it to mean, but she clenched her fist and nodded firmly.
“I’ll be back.”
“Yes!”
Following my guide, I walked toward the banquet hall.
Judging by the quiet corridors, it seemed all the nobles of the Kingdom of Helen had already entered.
When we reached the entrance, the doorman stared at me with wide eyes.
I smiled gently and greeted him with a polite bow.
“I’m ready.”
“Khmm—ah! Yes!”
Only then did he swallow nervously and announce my arrival in a loud voice for all inside to hear.
“The Saintess of the Melissa Temple, Lady Shallen Melissa, enters!”
