Chapter 06
I officially became a saintess of the Temple of Melissa, and I poured out everything I had wanted to say in this place throughout my life.
Even if I were to receive divine punishment, even if I were to face the same situation as before again—I knew myself well enough to know that my actions would not change.
People would believe the words I spoke. I had declared that I was conveying the words of the god Gloria, and as a saintess, they would assume that I would never speak falsehoods.
This was the very first thing I did after returning.
Something that had to be set right.
If I followed my emotions, honestly, I didn’t want to do anything anymore.
But if I didn’t change things, this suffering would continue even after me. Having returned to this time, I couldn’t pretend not to know.
Now that I had become a saintess, I would soon walk the path of pilgrimage, visiting kingdom after kingdom.
If I followed that path, I would eventually go to the Kingdom of Helen, where Cardin was.
I met him only after I had stepped down from the position of saintess. And the only banquet we ever attended together after marrying was the king’s birthday celebration.
So I wouldn’t meet him on my first pilgrimage. I should consider that fortunate.
Yet, at the thought that I wouldn’t be able to meet Cardin, a sigh escaped me before I realized it.
The emotion that suddenly surfaced and tangled my thoughts—and the fact that I was feeling such an emotion at all—felt rather ridiculous.
Am I feeling regret even now?
There were far more days when you and I were not husband and wife. So why is it that I cannot forget those moments we spent together?
I had spoken so confidently outside, but once I arrived in my room and was alone, my thoughts returned to the starting point yet again.
Is work just work, and emotion just emotion?
“By that logic… I suppose I’m more calculating than you.”
As I muttered to myself, I turned my head at the sound of a knock.
“Saintess! It’s me!”
“Come in.”
When Amy opened the door and greeted me with a bright smile, for a brief moment the servants of the Ferdian household overlapped with her image.
“Saintess! You were amazing earlier! When did you practice like that?!”
She chattered away beside me like a lark, and since I didn’t mind it, I didn’t interrupt her.
“I was just a tiny bit worried when you cried so much earlier! But I guess it was all unnecessary worry! There were so many high-ranking people there—even I was super nervous just watching! But you didn’t even tremble at all…”
Heh. It had been so long since I’d spoken like this with someone from my past that the corners of my lips lifted unconsciously.
“Oh! Saintess! There’s something I’m curious about.”
“What is it?”
“About what you said earlier! Is it really true that the god Gloria isn’t merciful?”
Looking into her clear, sparkling eyes, I asked in return,
“I want to know how it sounded to you—when I said that God is not one who grants mercy to everyone.”
How did it sound to this child, the law that grants blessings to those worthy of mercy and severe punishment to those who are not?
Amy furrowed her brow for a moment in thought, then scrunched her face as she spoke.
“It’s hard……. But the god said that He Himself isn’t fair, right?”
“Yes, He did.”
“I think that might actually be what makes Him fair.”
At her answer, I curved my lips upward and lifted my chin slightly, encouraging her to continue.
“If a god were to grant mercy to everyone, that wouldn’t be right, would it? That would mean giving the same mercy to bad people and good people alike. Wouldn’t that be unfair? So when you said you would follow Lady Gloria’s words, my heart was pounding so much!”
“I see. That’s how it sounded to you.”
At my response, Amy flailed her hands in surprise.
“Ah, um…! I don’t mean that Lady Gloria or you are wrong! It’s just—that’s how it sounded to me…”
“Amy.”
“Yes?”
“My question didn’t have a right answer in it. I was only asking for your thoughts.”
Only then did Amy seem to relax, letting out a relieved breath as she pressed a hand to her chest.
I found her 모습 very endearing. So I placed my hand on her head and breathed a blessing into her.
Startled by my action, Amy’s eyes widened as she looked up at me.
“S-Saintess.”
“I’m glad that you could be the first one to receive the blessing I can give.”
“Why… why me…?”
I gently stroked her hair and smiled.
“Because you are more than worthy of receiving a blessing.”
“Th-thank you, Saintess! It’s an honor.”
I replied with only a faint smile. I was grateful to her as well.
For allowing me to use this power for something good for the first time.
The very first order I gave after becoming the daughter of an unmerciful god was to relocate the residence of the former saintess.
Under the title of ‘daughter of God,’ I rescued her from that remote, hellish place—just as she once rescued me from that hell.
How could I ever forget those emaciated hands that struggled to pass me a piece of bread through iron bars?
Saving her was, absurdly enough, an incredibly easy thing to do.
‘I still have so much to learn, so I think I should learn a lot from the former Saintess. Where is the former Saintess now?’
‘From now on, His Holiness the Pope and many others will assist you in your duties as a saintess.’
‘Between the words of someone who has experienced it firsthand and someone who has merely watched from the side, which do you think would be more helpful? Or is she perhaps in a place I am not allowed to visit?’
With just a few sentences, that hell disappeared.
Whether it truly vanished or was merely hidden, I still don’t know.
After that, I made it a point to dine with her every time—to ensure that hell would not continue.
“Saintess Shallen.”
The former saintess dabbed her lips lightly and smiled at me.
“Oh, yes. Please go on.”
“Saintess, you already knew, didn’t you?”
My hand paused at her words, then moved again as I tilted my head.
“Knew what, exactly?”
“That Lady Gloria is not merciful.”
I let out a short laugh at her words.
“In my experience, I know Her to be unmerciful. You, too, are a daughter of God, Aria—you must know that as well.”
“Of course. Isn’t it fascinating? This thing called being a saintess. We have the power to grant blessings to others, yet we ourselves cannot receive God’s blessing.”
A saintess’s blessing contained many things. It could heal the injured and purify negative emotions.
The blessing took wounds and impurity into the saintess’s own body and purified them there.
Those who received blessings would always say the same things—that their bodies felt lighter, that their pain had vanished.
But I had never received such a blessing.
By that logic, perhaps a saintess was a being who carved away her own flesh to give everything to others.
Heh.
“You’re right. Truly, an unmerciful god.”
“Then what do you think of this place?”
At her question, I lifted my gaze to look at the slightly gaunt former saintess.
“Are you asking for my personal opinion?”
She nodded slowly, and I tapped my lips lightly with a napkin before speaking.
“This is a place where many people who cannot receive Lady Gloria’s mercy reside.”
“……Is that why you still haven’t gone to see His Holiness the Pope?”
At her words, I curled my lips into a smile and shrugged.
The reason I hadn’t sought out the Pope was simple. I didn’t want to use my holy power on him.
Even if he was lying in a sickbed now, he was the same kind of person as Fabivan—someone who locked away a saintess whose usefulness had ended, leaving her to starve in a remote place.
He publicly proposed to me in front of everyone, speaking of marriage, after I had already stepped down from the position of saintess.
I survived only because the Holy Kingdom did not welcome it.
Even now, I cannot forget the vile face of the Pope who threatened me up until the wedding day.
When I said nothing, she smiled and spoke.
“Lady Gloria never gives answers, does she?”
At her words, I merely looked at her quietly, without replying.
“But did She give you an answer, Saintess Shallen?”
I lowered my head slightly and smiled. Had the god Gloria given me an answer?
If that was the god’s answer, then—
“Yes. She gave me an answer.”
“May I ask what it was?”
“She told me to become the daughter of an unmerciful god.”
Our conversation was simple and quiet, yet it was something no one else should ever hear.
After finishing dinner with the former saintess, I walked alone in front of the temple.
It had only been a month since I returned. I didn’t know why time felt so slow.
Each time the warm breeze brushed past my collar, I sank into old memories.
No matter how hard I tried to erase them, it was useless, so now I simply accepted them.
As I stood alone, gathering my emotions, I heard footsteps and turned around.
“Saintess!”
“Amy. What if you get hurt running like that?”
I gently soothed her as she gasped for breath. After catching it, Amy spoke.
“Huff… Saintess. The Head of the Temple is looking for you.”
