[CHAPTER 124]
The child who went outside the bedroom did not return for quite some time.
Lincia had the maid replace the pillow and bedding with fresh ones.
With a knock on the door, the child came back in.
Dressed in cute pajamas, the child was holding a pillow in their arms.
“I got permission from Daddy. He said it’s okay for me to sleep here.”
The child walked up to the bed and reached out a hand.
Lincia lifted the child and placed them onto the bed.
“Thank you.”
After giving a deep bow, the child neatly placed the pillow down and lay down.
It was still early for Lincia to sleep, but the child looked tired, eyes half closed.
When Lincia lay down beside them, the child scooted a little closer to her.
The room, lit by a small lamp, was dim.
Lincia lay on her side and looked at the child.
Unlike Harvich, who was always expressionless, the child’s lips were always curved upward, clearly showing signs of being raised with love.
Lincia gazed at the child while feeling a strange emotion stir within her.
“Um…”
The child, who had been quietly chewing on their lips under her gaze, spoke up.
“Did Daddy do something wrong to Her Highness the Princess?”
Caught off guard by the question, Lincia’s lips stiffened as she looked at the child.
A past she still could not forget washed over her like a wave.
“If delusions go too far, they become an illness.”
“Just how great of a father did the Emperor choose that you would go so far as to carry and give birth to the child?”
From the moment Lincia became pregnant, Harvich had harbored countless suspicions.
As if that were not enough, he had not even stayed by her side during the birth, and he had given the child a name only much later.
He should never have even said he would become a father.
Lincia understood that Harvich had reasons for acting that way.
“I did not want to pass this kind of environment on to my child.”
And she also knew that, to him, that had been his best effort.
But what about the wounds I received?
Separate from feeling sorry and guilty toward the child, Lincia still did not want to forgive Harvich.
More accurately, it was closer to being unable to forgive him.
Even so, she did not want to confess all of his faults to the child and ask them to take her side.
That would have been truly unforgivable.
To begin with, it felt sinful to have made the child worry about the relationship between husband and wife.
“…I’m sorry.”
When Lincia apologized, the child shook their head.
“Does it hurt a lot when Her Highness is with Daddy?”
“…”
“I wish Mom wouldn’t be in pain.”
The guilt Lincia had buried and pretended not to see took shape and felt like it was strangling her throat.
Lincia reached out and pulled the child tightly into her arms.
“Then when Mom gets all better, will you live with me, Lucas?”
The child began to sniffle.
Her heart was beating too fast, and her stomach churned.
It felt as though every thought in her head was evaporating into darkness.
“I will.”
“Please call my name. I want Mom to call my name.”
“…Lucas.”
She had always kept the name buried in her heart, unable to say it aloud, afraid that once she did, she would no longer be able to turn away.
“Mom.”
A small hand clung tightly to Lincia.
“You have to come back, no matter what.”
She had not never considered returning to the duchy.
The more time she spent with the child after coming for the founding festival, the more Lincia regretted not being able to watch the child grow up.
She hated Harvich, not the child.
The child continued to sob in her arms.
Tears soaked into the pajamas.
Lincia could not sleep at all as she gently patted the child’s back.
She watched the child’s peaceful sleeping face until they woke up.
Every time she saw the reddened rims of those eyes, her chest burned with pain.
Though she had given birth herself, she could not feel maternal love.
Lincia was too worn down to feel any emotion at all, even love for the child.
Early the next morning, Lincia ate with Lucas.
After sending Lucas back with the nanny, Lincia went straight to find Harvich.
* * *
“I was told you called for me.”
Harvich had not slept the night before.
At some point, he found himself unable to sleep unless he could feel Lucas’s body warmth.
That was understandable.
Recently, Harvich’s daily routine revolved entirely around Lucas, reading to him every night, listening to his thoughts, or hearing him softly chatter about what happened during the day.
Only when he heard the child’s steady breathing did Harvich finally fall asleep.
He had lived alone his entire life, but after Lincia left, he had become someone who could not even sleep without another person beside him.
“Thank you for spending time with the child.”
Harvich spoke slowly.
Lincia’s face looked like that of someone who had not had a peaceful night.
“You don’t look like you slept well…”
“When I return this time, come with me.”
Harvich’s heart sank heavily.
It was not a positive feeling.
He could easily guess why Lincia had come to that decision.
“Because of the child?”
“Yes.”
Her violet eyes did not waver even slightly.
If he had known her guilt toward the child would be enough to make her want to return north, he should never have brought the child here.
Regret came flooding in too late, but the water had already been spilled.
Harvich looked at Lincia’s resolute expression and slowly parted his lips.
“There is no need for you to come to the north.”
“What do you mean?”
“You should raise the child yourself. The warm south would suit Lucas better than the northern environment.”
The words were uncomfortable to force out.
Harvich brushed a hand near his mouth, then stopped.
To be honest, he was not confident he could live well in a land without either Lincia or Lucas.
But rather than having Lincia return north out of obligation to the child, it was better for him to leave behind everything he loved in the south and go alone.
“Are you insane?”
He knew well that, as Lincia said, this was an extremely irrational idea.
When Lincia said she would come north for the child, what she wanted was for the child to grow up without lacking anything.
Of course, he understood how devastating it would be for a child to lose their father the moment they regained their mother.
Even so, Harvich believed the best option was for him to disappear.
“It is entirely rational.”
“And yet you can say that?”
Then what was he supposed to do?
To happily say, “Yes, let’s return together,” to Lincia’s words about coming north for the child was impossible, because the north was still far too harsh.
It was a land that had only just resolved its food shortage.
Even if things would gradually improve from the worst state, there was no reason for Lincia to endure that.
Even if the north improved, it would remain cold.
The season of lingering snow would not disappear, and even when summer came, it would still be colder than the south.
And that was not all.
Due to taking narcotic painkillers, he had gained a physical defect that dulled his sense of pain.
Knowing how easily minor illnesses could spread like wildfire into major ones, Harvich could not bring himself to ask Lincia to live in the north bearing such a burden.
“Remember what I said to you.”
“Do not make the child bear our problems.”
Harvich clenched his fist tightly.
Then, turning his head away, he let out a sigh.
“I do not know how long you would be able to endure the north.”
Lincia’s eyes trembled violently.
“Is living apart from me not a better option for the child than experiencing their mother’s death?”
A burning pain exploded across his cheek.
When Harvich lifted his head, Lincia was standing there, furious.
