Chapter 11. A Heart to Be Kept Alone
April stared fixedly at the man standing in front of her.
“My feelings are a hindrance…?”
A wave of misery swept over her, and she couldn’t even bring herself to ask further. She just slowly nodded.
At that moment, the sound of a cello echoed faintly from the hall. It was a warm melody meant to comfort those who had just finished bidding farewell to the deceased. April closed her eyes for a moment and listened. How many people, she wondered, were leaning on that song, holding on to a love that could never reach its destination, a love they must carry alone…
Soon, Lachlan passed by her. He seemed to be returning to the hall.
“…Prince Lachlan.”
Even when April called out to him gently, he did not stop walking.
When she returned from the memorial, April’s maid whispered to her,
“Miss Charlotte waited for you and fell asleep.”
Changing into her white nightgown, April quickly rubbed her cold feet and climbed into bed. As she slipped under the thick blanket, Charlotte’s warmth melted the chill from her body.
“Mmm.”
Stirred by the movement, Charlotte yawned and slowly opened her heavy eyelids.
“…Sister?”
“Sorry, did I wake you?”
“Mm-mm, no.”
Charlotte was trying her best to keep her drowsy eyes open.
“Don’t rub your eyes.”
April gently held the girl’s hands and spoke sternly. Charlotte pouted slightly.
“I waited because I wanted to talk to you.”
“We can talk tomorrow. I’ll always be around. Hmm…”
April realized the contradiction in her words. Lately, she hadn’t spent much time with Charlotte. It was partly due to their mother’s overly controlling nature, but more so because April had been too preoccupied with Lachlan to pay much attention to her sister.
“…Sorry for making you wait.”
As April changed her tone, Charlotte smiled brightly.
“Mm, I’m happy you said that. Actually…”
“Did that nasty second son of Duke Allen say something to you again?”
Though they’d been distant lately, April still kept track of Charlotte’s situation. The little duke was the same age—eleven—and always looked for ways to pester Charlotte.
“Yeah, so… remember how Mother took me to the duke’s tea party the other day?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, the little duke was very polite and even offered me his arm as he led me to the children’s room.”
“That’s quite an improvement for that mischievous boy.”
April recalled how he’d once pinched Charlotte’s arm in the corridor for no reason. At first, she had tried to endure it, but when he wouldn’t stop, she gave him a solid punch right there in the hallway. Of course, she got scolded for being “rude to a noble” and even had her snacks taken away for a while. April had always thought that was deeply unfair. After all, he started it. That was why both she and Charlotte despised the duke’s second son.
“But once we got to the room, he started being mean again.”
The boy clearly hadn’t failed to meet their low expectations.
“There was another boy there I hadn’t met before, so I said hello and started chatting with him, and then the little duke suddenly got mad.”
“He got mad? How?”
“You don’t even wanna know. He’s seriously hopeless.”
Charlotte shook her head dramatically like a noblewoman gossiping over tea. April couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight.
“He said since he brought me there, it was rude of me to play with someone else. But I’ve never heard of such a rule!”
“So… did you fight again?”
“I’m not a kid anymore. I didn’t fall for that kind of childish provocation.”
Charlotte proudly explained her mature response.
“I went back to the adults’ room by myself and then returned on my own. I said, ‘Since you didn’t bring me back, I don’t have to play with you anymore!’”
April could easily imagine the little duke turning red with rage as Charlotte defied him.
“I doubt he just let it go.”
“Nope, he was totally immature.”
“Immature?”
“He yelled at the other kids, ‘You’re not seriously going to play with a bastard child, are you?!’”
“What?!”
April shot up from the bed, face frozen in fury. She looked ready to storm the duke’s house and grab the boy by the collar. Normally, April wasn’t one to get angry. But when it came to someone hurting Charlotte, she could lose all composure. That’s why, by now, no servant in the manor dared say anything about Charlotte behind her back.
“N-no! Please calm down, sister!”
Charlotte clutched her arm in panic, and April lay back down, though her face was still seething. Charlotte rushed to tell her the conclusion of the story.
“Luckily, the duchess came to check on the children and saw everything.”
Everything got resolved quickly after that. The Duchess of Allen—once a knight and now lady-in-waiting to the Dowager Queen—was a woman who valued justice. She scolded her son severely, and he even had to apologize politely to Charlotte.
“That’s a relief… but are you okay?”
Still, April worried. Even though their mother had finally made some progress in society, people still whispered unpleasant things about her origins and Charlotte’s birth. April constantly feared those words might wound her little sister’s heart. She gently stroked Charlotte’s pink hair with affection.
“I’m fine, sister.”
Charlotte smiled softly under April’s touch.
“Those words don’t scare me.”
“That’s good to hear, but…”
Still, April wondered if perhaps Charlotte had come to her tonight because she was hurting inside.
“I really just wanted to brag about putting the little duke in his place. You should praise me, sister.”
April pulled her close and wrapped her in a warm embrace, patting her back gently.
“Well done, my dear sister.”
“Hehe. But now I want to hear about you.”
“…Hm?”
Charlotte leaned forward, looking up at her with worried eyes. Only then did April realize why Charlotte had come. It wasn’t just about her own story—she wanted to understand April’s heart.
“I…”
But April hesitated. She couldn’t tell Charlotte everything she’d been through. But lying didn’t feel right either—they’d promised always to be honest with each other.
“I… still like Prince Lachlan.”
After much thought, April spoke the one feeling that hadn’t changed. It was something she now had to keep to herself—but it was still the truth.
“I like him a lot.”
“Sister… are you okay?”
“Yeah. I can’t help it. It’s not like I can suddenly stop liking him overnight.”
She’d loved him for so long. Such a deep feeling couldn’t simply transform into something else.
“But I don’t know what to do with this emotion. It’s still the most precious thing I have, so I can’t just toss it away…”
A book once said that time would help, but April didn’t agree. She still loved her late parents and grandfather deeply. That love hadn’t faded at all. Perhaps it would be the same with Lachlan.
“Um, you know what I thought, sister?”
Charlotte, lips pursed in thought, suddenly widened her eyes and exclaimed,
“Why not use it?!”
“Use… the feeling?”
“Yeah! Like ink in a bottle—if you use it little by little, it eventually runs out.”
Charlotte enthusiastically explained other things that wear out when used, too.
“No matter how strong a feeling is, if you keep using it, it’ll wear down eventually…”
She trailed off awkwardly at the end, sensing she might’ve hurt April’s feelings.
“Thank you, Charlotte.”
“I mean… I think it’d be okay if you kept loving him too. But if that makes life harder for you…”
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking the same. I probably have to let go.”
To truly help Lachlan, April knew she had to forget him.
“Or maybe, someone even better than the prince will come along. Someone more handsome! Should I find him for you?”
“What?”
April laughed, ruffling Charlotte’s hair. That was just nonsense. She had never met anyone better than Lachlan. And even if such a person existed, they’d never take notice of her.
“Let’s sleep. If we keep talking, we’ll be up until morning.”
“I don’t mind, though.”
“If you don’t sleep, you won’t grow tall.”
“Then I hate that!”
Charlotte panicked and lay down quickly.
“If I fall further behind the little duke in height, it’ll hurt my chances in a fight.”
“Haha, that really would be a problem.”
April chuckled, pulled up the blanket to Charlotte’s chin, and kissed her cheek. The girl giggled at the ticklish touch.
The next afternoon, an old coachman who had long worked for the Campbell family came to find April with urgent news.
“Miss, a reporter came to see me.”
“A… reporter?”
April repeated slowly. It wasn’t unusual for reporters to bribe servants to gather information. But there wasn’t much worth digging up at House Campbell.
“Yes. I had the younger staff detain him for now.”
“Must’ve asked something unpleasant, then.”
“Yes, so…”
The coachman hesitated, fidgeting with his hat. April nodded.
“I’ll speak to him. Where is he?”
“In the servants’ hall. Shall I bring him to the parlor?”
April shook her head. She didn’t want her parents to start questioning things. She followed the coachman down the narrow staircase, past the busy kitchen, and into the servants’ hall, where a young man in a worn brown suit was being held.
She dismissed the other servants, leaving only the reporter and the coachman.
“Very loyal of you.”
The reporter glared at the coachman, but April smiled proudly.
“He’s looked after me since I was little. Anyway, I’d like your card.”
The man smirked and pulled a crumpled business card from his pocket. As April looked at the familiar logo, she recalled an article she’d read recently:
[The Coward Prince’s Tragic End]
“It was you? The one who didn’t even dare sign their name?”
“Yeah, well. I value my life.”
He pulled up a chair, half-smiling.
“You know why the prince went to Akkreton, don’t you?”
Startled by the blunt question, April just stared. He continued without shame.
“You wouldn’t want him to be remembered as a coward, would you? At least clear that up.”
He was the last person with the right to say that.
“Why are you investigating this?”
“Curiosity. Everyone loves royal gossip.”
“….”
“Back then, people wondered why the kind dowager queen didn’t shed a tear for her husband’s death. Was their marriage broken?”
He gave a lewd grin.
“And now the talk is how many women Prince Dominic brought to bed after the war.”
“You…”
April clenched her trembling hands under the table.
“So you’re here as a representative of the gossipmongers.”
“Still, I’m not that sleazy. I don’t write filth.”
“Either way, I have nothing to say.”
“Really? You’ll let the prince’s name be dragged through the mud?”
“If you’re truly a journalist who seeks justice…”
April placed his card on the table and stood.
“You should go investigate at Akkreton, where it all happened.”
Even as she glared at him, he smiled lazily.
“I tried. But there’s been no movement.”
“No movement?”
April paused. Last night’s overheard words from Lachlan came back to her:
“Something more will come out of Akkreton. Report as soon as it does.”
“Only the Marquis Grey has authority to investigate there, but he doesn’t seem to care. Only the families of the missing are still around.”
The man packed up his bag.
“Well, the guy lost both his wife and son. He must be drowning in grief. Anyway… let me know if you remember anything.”
With a half-bow, he left the hall. April stood there for a long time, staring at the business card left on the table.
