WAYDTN? 86

“At last… I’m leaving tomorrow.”

Rose gazed at the packed travel bag sitting in the corner of her room, overcome anew with emotion.

For days now, she had opened and closed that bag dozens of times—just moments ago as well. She had rummaged through it yet again to make sure she’d packed her shawl, and had only just closed it.

Exhausted, Rose dropped into the chair at her desk.

The thought that she would be leaving for the world she had dreamed of as early as tomorrow made her heart race so much she couldn’t fall asleep. When she placed a hand over her chest, she could feel it pounding loudly beneath her palm.

Lately, she had been spending every night awake, recalling the stories about college that Mr. Reagan had told her when she was young.

He said that at college, you live in a place called a dormitory. Not with friends you’ve grown up with since childhood, but with people whose birthplace you don’t know, whose parents you don’t know—spending four years together like that.

It was frightening—but her excitement outweighed her anxiety. Leaving behind a hometown where everything was familiar, meeting new people, and having new experiences in a new world.

It was exactly what she had dreamed of for years.

Come to think of it… did I pack writing paper?

She would need plenty, since she planned to write letters to her family and friends about everything she experienced at college.

But as Rose stood up, she let out a small, self-conscious laugh. Felix’s words came back to her—writing paper wasn’t something sold only in Islesford.

Now that she was about to leave, she kept looking back, wondering if she had forgotten anything. It would be nice if she could leave without a shred of regret, without ever turning around.

Rose walked over to the window. When she drew back the curtain, the lamplight reflected against the darkened glass, her face faintly mirrored there.

Her gaze drifted past her own reflection and settled on a distant spot in the darkness—the second-floor study of the red-brick house far away.

Though thick curtains concealed the inside, lamplight leaked out through the gaps of the wide window.

That morning, when Rose had gone to the red-brick house to say goodbye, she had deliberately timed her visit to coincide with Edmund’s exercise hour, so she wouldn’t run into him.

Because she didn’t want to see him. Because she still hated him.

Uncle Carl and Aunt Anna had suggested that she wait and see Edmund before leaving, but Rose had made an excuse about having urgent errands in Tonborne and hurried away.

Yet the walk back from the red-brick house felt unbearably long—nothing like the walk there. Every footprint she left behind had been heavy with hesitation and lingering regret.

Just like the hand that couldn’t bring itself to turn off the lamp, as if waiting for him to come.

What was this feeling—hating him enough not to want to see him, yet still waiting for him? How could two such opposing emotions coexist like this?

It was late at night, yet the faint light in the study still hadn’t gone out.

Rose stared at it blankly, as though it represented the very possibility that he might come to her, when a knock sounded from beyond her bedroom door.

“Come in.”

Pulling herself together, she turned just as Charles poked his head through the open doorway.

Expecting chaos from his sister, who had been endlessly packing and unpacking her bag, he widened his eyes at the surprisingly neat room.

“Well, what’s this? I thought you’d still be making a huge fuss over that bag.”

“…When did I ever make a huge fuss?”

Rose muttered, her face flushing in embarrassment. Seeing how poorly she tried to play it off, Charles snorted softly.

“Come downstairs. Someone’s here to see you.”

“Who?”

“You’ll have to go down and find out.”

Suddenly, she wondered,

Could it be Edmund?

She may have hesitated for a brief, meaningless moment over whether to go down or not.

But the instant she descended to the first floor and cleared her dry throat, all such stray thoughts evaporated.

Stopping midway on the stairs, Rose spotted a young man standing below, hands clasped behind his back, looking up at her.

Her lips parted slightly.

“Hello, Rose.”

It was Noel. He greeted her with a smile as beautiful as a painting.

Rose hadn’t gone to the general store even once. She had wanted to check on Noel again and again, but she couldn’t bring herself to make him uncomfortable just to ease her own heart. How many times had she turned back while heading toward the shop?

She had been holding back her worry and longing—but seeing him come all this way, smiling at her like this, a surge of emotion rose in her chest, something between joy and sadness.

Still, Rose didn’t let any of those memories or feelings show. Just like Noel, who smiled as if nothing were wrong, she smiled brightly too.

__________𓍯𓂃𓏧♡𓇢𓆸_________

Rose and Noel went into the kitchen, lit by a warm lamp. Rose handed Noel a beer to wet his throat and warmed some milk for herself.

Each holding a drink, they leaned against the kitchen island.

“Are you all ready?”

Noel asked after taking a sip of beer.

Rose nodded.

“Yeah. All that’s left is to leave.”

“You look good.”

A smile lingered at his lips as he lifted his glass again. Rose’s face, too, glowed softly as she warmed her hands around the heated cup.

“It’s all thanks to you. When I got Mr. Scott’s recommendation letter and hesitated, you were the one who encouraged me to send in the application. If it weren’t for you, I think I would’ve given up a long time ago.”

“No, Rose. Even if I hadn’t said anything, you wouldn’t have quit. You worked so hard for three years just to get into college. You’re not someone who would crumble over something like a petty scheme. This was all your doing. Congratulations—truly.”

In addition to her own efforts, there had been people behind her who supported and pushed her forward, and that was how she’d achieved this result.

They clinked their glasses, looking at each other with sincere affection.

They sipped their drinks in silence for a while. Then, after a long pause, Noel spoke first.

“I’m sorry I sent you away like that back then.”

He was apologizing for what had happened a few days earlier. Rose shook her head immediately.

“No. I should be the one apologizing. You probably needed time alone to pull yourself together, but I showed up and bothered you anyway. I didn’t think it through.”

Still, aside from the apology, there was a small sense of regret lingering in her heart.

“But… just like you’ve always been a comfort and a source of strength to me, I wanted to be that for you too. Maybe to you, I was still just an unreliable kid…”

She tried not to let her disappointment show—but it was obvious to anyone watching.

Her averted gaze, the slight pout of her lips, the way she aimlessly spun her cup—Noel had to suppress a laugh as he saw how clearly her entire body was expressing sulking displeasure.

He had already been comforted enough by her words and presence alone, but for her sake, he said teasingly,

“Then comfort me now.”

Rose lifted her eyes and shot him a glare—but only for a moment. Unable to hold back her smile, she set her cup down and stepped forward to hug him.

With the same feeling she’d had days ago at the general store, when he had looked as though he might drop everything he was holding at any second—wanting to steady him.

His tawny-brown eyes wavered at her unreserved embrace, but soon settled. Seeing Rose just as she’d always been, Noel’s lips curved into a smile.

He hugged her back gently and said,

“Thank you.”

When their warm embrace ended, Rose suddenly thought she heard footsteps outside.

But when she looked through the kitchen window, there was no trace of anyone at all. Realizing it had been her imagination, she pushed away the faint disappointment that crept in and smiled at Noel.

__________𓍯𓂃𓏧♡𓇢𓆸_________

After seeing Noel off and returning to her room, it was truly time to sleep. If she was to wake at dawn tomorrow, she needed to fall asleep now.

Yet Rose wandered her room for a long while before heading back to the window.

The moment her gaze fell upon the red-brick house, her tightly pressed lips parted in anxious surprise.

The light was gone. The study—the only place that had still been lit—was now swallowed by pitch-black darkness.

The coldness of the window frame seeped into her hand and stabbed straight into her chest.

‘I think I’d be completely fine even if you died of shame because of me.’

It seemed Edmund had chosen to leave that day as their final memory.

Rose bit the inside of her cheek softly. Yes—perhaps it was better this way.

If they parted while their wounds were still raw, wouldn’t it be easier to sort out her feelings for him?

In this place, it had been unbearably difficult to do so. Edmund was always nearby, and the memories they shared breathed and lived at her side every moment.

No matter how firmly she tried to steel her heart, a single word from him, a single glance, would tear it apart again.

But once she was far away—once she left for a place where even recalling memories of him would be difficult—she would be able to put her feelings for him to rest completely.

Enough that even if they met again, she wouldn’t love him.

Enough that even if she married him, she would no longer expect love from him.

Rose quietly closed the curtain. Then she extinguished the lamp that had been lit all night.

The lingering attachment and faint hope she had held onto scattered into the darkness and vanished.

The next day, Rose left Islesford.

And only much later did she hear that Edmund had departed for Queensland a few days after she did.

After that, she did not see Edmund for four years. She didn’t even write him a letter.

And so, little by little, she forgot him.

__________𓍯𓂃𓏧♡𓇢𓆸_________

T/N: It’s an end of an era, everyone! See you in the next one:) 

(I didn’t get emotional at all, nope, I didn’t T_T)