Chapter – 05.
Why Must I Face Such Trials?
In the beginning, there was Freud, the father of psychology.
He divided the unconscious into the ego, superego, and id…
His distant descendants, the psychologists, suffered because of it.
For a very long time.
‘I don’t remember a single thing.’
A-mang stared intently at Myung, who was sitting across from her.
Myung, unused to such treatment, shrunk back.
She was a maid who had always knelt by her mistress’s side.
From the moment a court lady entered the palace, she was born with the duty to serve her master well.
Such attentive treatment was a first for her since entering the palace.
“Your Highness, that girl…!”
“I’ll handle it.”
Originally, counseling begins with a horizontal relationship between the client and the counselor.
As long as a hierarchy exists, proper counseling cannot take place.
Unable to do otherwise, Nan monitored the two from a distance.
If that court lady dared to do anything foolish to A-mang, it would be her own neck on the line.
‘You can do this.’
A-mang sat close to the table.
She naturally placed both hands on it and leaned her body towards Myung.
“So, what’s your worry?”
“W-well, Your Highness. It’s… it’s nothing other than…”
“Nothing other than?”
“Her Ladyship, Lady So, was originally a court lady, was she not?”
“That’s right.”
“This humble one was also one of the court ladies of Jaeum Palace, but now I have been assigned to serve Lady So. No one is trying to harm Her Ladyship, but…”
Myung’s lips seemed parched.
Was it alright to tell such a story to this young princess?
However, the princess with those intelligent eyes seemed like she could neatly resolve this worry.
After hesitating for a moment, Myung prostrated herself flat on the floor.
“This humble one is always anxious! I am ashamed to say this, but it’s not out of worry for my mistress. I have a younger sister who has not yet been married off, and a grandmother lying sick in bed. If something were to happen to Lady So and this humble one’s head were to fly…!”
If a master made a mistake and got caught in a secret power struggle, the court ladies under them could be buried alive.
Or, they might be tortured severely while trying to cover up their master’s faults.
When the bloody winds blew in the imperial palace, court ladies who disappeared without a trace were not uncommon.
Myung’s worry was something all court ladies carried.
However, the problem was,
‘She’s worrying about something that hasn’t even happened yet.’
Lady So hadn’t been caught in any secret struggle, nor was her life in immediate danger.
The Empress wasn’t even paying attention to Lady So’s existence.
‘Because it was just a one-time favor.’
She had been enfeoffed as a So-Min two years ago, but since then, Emperor Mu had not sought her out.
An impulsive favor.
A completely non-threatening existence.
With no children of her own, from the Empress’s perspective, she was just one of the lower-ranking concubines.
“By any chance, have you had trouble sleeping or eating lately?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“You just feel like crying?”
“My chest feels tight and sorrowful, as if I’m someone who will be executed tomorrow.”
A-mang rested her chin on her hand, deep in thought.
Many possible diagnoses came to mind.
But she couldn’t give a definitive answer.
After all, this was a counseling session.
‘The manifestation of anxiety is recent. The anxiety rushed in suddenly, and these are the initial symptoms.’
She had seen people like that before.
People suffering because anxiety hit them like a wave.
All the causes lay in the past.
‘If we can find out what it is, her heart will feel more at ease.’
The conclusion was reached.
Counseling is an endless exchange of dialogue between the client and the counselor.
Not everything needed to be specific or serious.
A-mang pulled her lips up into a smile.
“So, Myung-ie, have you no thoughts of coming to Yeonyeong Palace?”
“Your Highness!”
“Why not? I’d love to have more court ladies!”
The natural innocence of a ten-year-old child made the listening court ladies uneasy.
Especially Nan, who was worried sick that some trouble might splash onto the Princess.
No matter if she was just a court lady, wasn’t her master Lady So!
A-mang, unaware of the implications, grinned.
“H-how could that be? Please take back your words.”
“Why? You said being with Lady So makes you cry. That you feel anxious.”
“That is…!”
A-mang slowly got up and went to sit beside Myung.
Covering her lips with her hand, she whispered slowly into her ear.
“Or… have you done something that threatens your life?”
Myung’s gaze wavered.
The image of the princess reflected in her shifting eyes was innocently bright, making Myung’s heart beat wildly.
“Your Highness! No more!”
If Nan hadn’t intervened, the session might not have ended.
A-mang looked up at Nan, who had picked her up.
The image of A-mang reflected in her eyes was very small.
“You must not torment someone who is not even a court lady of Yeonyeong Palace. Look, isn’t she trembling?”
She’s just cowed on her own, I think.
A-mang swallowed the words rising in her throat.
I used confrontation. I expected this much.
Counseling sessions don’t always end happily.
Sometimes counselors encourage clients to look into their unconscious.
For a court lady who kept her story bottled up like this, it would have been effective.
Although it was a bit forceful.
This was a place where a court lady’s life was like a mayfly’s,
where court ladies disappeared left and right, not lasting a day.
A-mang shrugged her shoulders.
As A-mang shrugged, Myung slowly raised her head.
Tears flowing from her reddened eyes had drenched her entire face.
“When I was at Jaeum Palace, So-Seol came from an extremely poor family. Her father pushed his daughter into the imperial palace and used the payment to enjoy gambling. Because there are ranks, I… I dared to harass her, saying how could a lowly girl from a humble family serve Her Majesty the Empress? This humble one just stood by and watched those atrocities.”
“And then?”
“When So-Seol received the imperial favor and became a So-Min, and she pointed at me, I was terrified. The court ladies who had bullied So-Seol back then were all… by Her Majesty the Empress’s hand… Gasp!”
Myung covered her mouth.
As if she had seen something she shouldn’t have, she tightly closed her eyes.
She feels guilt towards Lady So.
Not all reasons for anxiety could be attributed to guilt, but for Myung, it seemed so.
The guilt of condoning the bullying, the constant worry that her life might be taken like the other court ladies.
Myung had just revealed the cause herself.
The Empress probably had them silenced to prevent the disgraceful events of Jaeum Palace from possibly reaching Emperor Mu’s ears. To preemptively silence what Lady So might spread.
The woman known as the Empress seemed more terrifying than expected.
She was like an immense, daunting wall.
A-mang also felt that if she got on her bad side, she’d be dead.
“Her benevolent Majesty the Empress, how could she…?”
A-mang emphasized the word ‘benevolent’.
“Your Highness. This humble one wants to live long. What should I do?”
Myung crawled all the way to Nan’s feet.
Nan, holding the Princess, turned her back.
“Put me down.”
“But Your Highness!”
“I said put me down, didn’t I?”
Finally, Nan put A-mang down.
A-mang, standing on her own two feet, stood proudly.
The first thing A-mang did was place a hand on Myung’s head.
“Why worry about something that hasn’t even happened?”
“Huh?”
“Did Lady So say she would kill you right now?”
“No, she hasn’t. Her Ladyship treats this humble one very well.”
“See?”
“!”
“If she were going to dismiss you, you would have been driven out already.”
Anxiety devours perception.
It constantly stimulates you, preventing proper thought.
The anxiety that swells up like that ends up swallowing the ego.
That was the theoretical part up to here.
It was also something A-mang had memorized to death during her undergraduate years.
“Go back right now and bow or something. Say, ‘Thank you for accepting this lowly one.'”
A-mang crouched down to meet Myung’s eyes.
Myung, who had been blinking her eyes, slowly opened her mouth.
“I will take Your Highness’s words to heart. I will devote myself even more to Lady So, who accepted this humble one!”
“Yeah, good.”
“How can I ever repay this favor? Your Highness is this humble one’s benefactor!”
Myung tightly grabbed A-mang’s hand.
Although A-mang subtly pulled her hand away, feeling a bit burdened.
It worked.
It was true she had memorized it perfectly, but she had never actually used it before.
What kind of crazy new counselor would use confrontation on a client?
If one wasn’t skilled, it was better to be cautious.
“If you’re grateful, bring something tasty next time you come.”
“I will give you everything I have!”
Myung, with all her worries resolved, had a relieved face.
Her past had been holding her back in the present.
Now, Myung would serve Lady So sincerely, without other worries.
That would be better for Lady So too.
Fortunately, thanks to this, she had learned something new.
That Lady So’s name was So-Seol, and that she had no powerful family backing her.
Anyway, the first counseling session was successfully concluded.
That’s what she thought.
Three days later, A-mang couldn’t believe the scene unfolding before her.
“How long will you stand there blankly? Your father is here, and you don’t even serve tea?”
“W-why have you come?”
“No matter when I see you, A-mang, you have no manners.”
Emperor Mu had confidently entered Yeonyeong Palace and sat down.
He looked languid, as if everything was tiresome.
A-mang, blinking her eyes, threw herself into Nan’s arms.
“Don’t kill me!”
She screamed so loudly it felt like Yeonyeong Palace would shake.
The speechless Emperor Mu burst into hearty laughter.
The man with his hands behind his back strode over.
“You really say everything to your father, don’t you?”
“Ah!”
“I tapped you lightly.”
Emperor Mu’s finger flicked A-mang’s forehead.
A-mang screamed again as if she’d been hit hard.
Nan, caught in the middle, smiled awkwardly.
“This humble one will bring the tea and snacks.”
Wasn’t she subtly detaching A-mang and making her escape?!
Don’t go, Nan!
Her pitiful fingertips couldn’t hold onto Nan.
Facing the tyrant before her, A-mang tightly pressed her lips together.
“You seem to know of Zhen’s pain and regret. Well then, let’s hear it once. In your view, A-mang, what state is Zhen in?”
What?
This is insane.
It was a trap.
