Chapter 7
“Then whose else would it be?”
I stood there blankly as Mr. Schvalt handed me the dress. The scene resembled that of a parent giving a gift to their child on Children’s Day.
As far as I knew, he hadn’t said anything about a coming-of-age gift yet, and from what I knew of Mr. Schvalt, this wouldn’t be the end of it. This was probably just the beginning.
“Go on, try it on,” Mr. Schvalt whispered softly.
I glanced at my mother for a moment, but she simply sipped her tea without saying a word. After standing awkwardly for a bit longer, I took the dress and headed into the small room where we kept our clothes.
I undid the chest ties of the dress I was wearing. Once I took off my winter dress and slipped into the new one, I felt much lighter. Thanks to the layers of frills inside, I wasn’t cold.
I looked into the mirror in front of me. Pale skin, deep red eyes, lips of the same hue, and long, colorless silver hair.
Now that I thought about it, if you removed the red from my appearance—my eyes and lips—there’d be nothing left but shades of gray. Even the dress was red. The thought left me with a strange feeling.
Is that why people look at me unfavorably?
Normally, I should’ve been happy to receive a gift, but I wasn’t.
Instead, anxiety crept over me.
Maybe they’re just preparing for my birthday. It can’t be anything else, right? Like going to the capital, or meeting the prince…
I hoped Mother would stay just as she was, and that Mr. Schvalt would continue to visit like this from time to time. If, however, my mother was secretly planning something, I’d have to stop her.
I stood there, deep in thought, not even tying the dress’s ribbons yet.
I didn’t even notice Mother come in.
“Did you forget to finish getting dressed?”
“Oh—Mother. No, it’s just… the dress is so pretty, I was admiring it.”
Mother led me to the chair in front of the mirror.
Once I sat down as she guided me, she deftly tied the ribbon at the back that I had left undone. Then, as if checking something, she brushed my hair to one side and fastened it with a hairpin.
“You look lovely.”
“Thank you. Are we really moving?”
I looked at my mother through the mirror.
Her deep wine-colored eyes stared at me blankly.
“Yes.”
She wasn’t hiding anything. What Mr. Schvalt said was true.
“Finish getting ready and come out.”
After tidying my hair, she left the room. I sat there for a while, fiddling with the hairstyle she gave me.
So many unfamiliar things were happening all of a sudden. Rather than feeling excited, I had a sinking feeling that something bad was going to happen. It was almost a certainty.
But I couldn’t stay seated for long.
Outside, I heard Mr. Schvalt asking Mother whether the dress suited me. His excitement was palpable.
Such behavior didn’t match his appearance at all. I had never seen him act like that in front of others, but every time he came to our house, he changed completely.
Sure enough, as soon as I stepped out, Mr. Schvalt showered me with admiration.
Half his compliments were about how well the dress suited me, the other half about his own good taste. He only stopped when I said I’d go change back into my original clothes.
Dinner that evening was lavish again.
Even though Mother had been out all day, she didn’t eat much, while I—again—overate.
A week later, a flower delivery arrived at our doorstep in the morning.
In the middle of winter. In the north, where even firewood rarely gets delivered.
Something about those flowers felt out of place, but Mother gazed at them calmly.
Why did it feel like a bad omen?
Did the family call Mother back without me knowing? Does she have a plan I’m unaware of?
No way… Right? I tried to squash the rising unease. But that resolve didn’t last long.
Around breakfast time, Mr. Schvalt, having finished all preparations, called me. I followed him down to the dining room where Mother was already seated.
“Take a seat.”
“Let’s eat.”
Only the clinking of forks, knives, and plates filled the silence. Then Mother set her utensils down and dabbed her lips with a napkin.
“I’m thinking of going to the capital.”
At her words, I couldn’t hide the shock on my face—a rare reaction from me.
“The capital…? You’re going?”
Wait, what about the new house?
It had only been a few days since she said we were relocating, and now she suddenly mentioned the capital?
It seemed she and Mr. Schvalt had already discussed it, because he gave a faint, awkward smile but said nothing. In fact, he looked calm as he continued his meal, and I couldn’t shake the sense of strangeness.
Please, no more dangerous stunts. Just let us live quietly and peacefully. Please!
I prayed, invoking the names of gods I didn’t even believe in.
“Not right away,” she added.
That brief line helped settle the panic rising in me, allowing me to ask,
“But why the capital?”
“It’s where we originally belong.”
She raised her brows as if pointing out something obvious. That expression—I hadn’t seen it in a long time—made me swallow nervously.
“But…”
“We’ll move first, and talk more as things go. Why are you scaring the child?” Mr. Schvalt tried to soothe her.
But she was never the kind of person to stop because of something like that.
“She’s grown up now. What does it matter?”
Her sarcastic tone prompted a sheepish smile from Mr. Schvalt.
I gave him a small smile, trying to show I was fine, and brought more food to my mouth. But suddenly, I couldn’t taste anything.
Did Mother find something out?
It’s been a while since he left, so they shouldn’t have crossed paths…
I was so deep in thought that I accidentally bit my tongue.
In the end, I couldn’t even properly digest that day’s meal.
“Ugh…”
Planning to go for a walk to get some fresh winter air, I instead stumbled back to my room and flopped onto the bed, nauseous.
I opened the drawer near the bed and blindly grabbed some medicine, swallowing it dry. Even the medicine felt like it wasn’t sitting right in my stomach, and I curled up in pain.
“Ugh, I really did overeat.”
It was so frustrating. Why couldn’t Mother understand how I felt?
Sure, I usually went along with her plans.
But this time, she might really die. This time… it might truly be dangerous.
I even wondered if I’d have to die in her place for her to finally understand. I turned again, facing the ceiling.
Knock knock.
Someone knocked.
“Come in.”
I was 100% sure it was Mr. Schvalt—and sure enough, he was the one who entered.
“Are you okay?”
He came closer. The bed sank under his weight as he sat beside me.
I glanced at him, then looked back up at the ceiling.
“Does Mother really want to go to the capital?”
“Hm.”
He gave a vague reply while staring out the window.
The large window, too big for such a small room, showed the bleak midwinter landscape outside.
“Luchellai will never give up.”
That was a truly hopeless statement.
“Is this life too uncomfortable for Mother? Or is it just… ambition?”
“Karbella.”
He called my name quietly.
“Yes.”
“Everyone has something they can’t let go of.”
“…”
“That’s why. She can’t let go.”
I didn’t reply.
He gently stroked the blanket over me, as if to comfort me, then left the room.
I understood what he meant.
Everyone has something they can’t let go of.
I know that.
I really do.
“…For me, that’s Mother.”
The day we finally moved came exactly one week later.
Mr. Schvalt had been busier than usual in the days leading up to it, and that morning, he told us we’d be leaving.
I bundled up in warm winter clothes and followed Mother outside.
A jet-black carriage, bearing Mr. Schvalt’s crest, awaited us. Mother boarded first.
As I grabbed Mr. Schvalt’s hand to climb in, I glanced back.
Though this place was full of discomfort, I realized I’d grown attached to it. My eyes lingered.
I looked at our home one last time, then cast my gaze toward the storage house where he had stayed.
Now, there was no trace left of Prince Valery Ahivara Kashinef. Even if he returned, claiming to repay a favor, he wouldn’t find me here.
Without any more hesitation, I turned back and climbed into the carriage.
It traveled nonstop for an hour. Even though we were still in the north, the sheer size of the region was overwhelming.
I thought again about how remarkable it was that the prince had found his way to our home in this vast, snowy land.
Outside the window, there was nothing but bare trees and snow-covered fields.
Mother, from morning until now, hadn’t said a single word to me.
But I was used to that silence, so I just kept watching the passing scenery.
