* * *
「By the time you read this, I will no longer be in this world!」
“Damn it.”
Masera, with a hunting rifle slung over his shoulder, gasped for breath as he ran through the snowy forest.
On a night with a blizzard raging, there was no way she, a non-soldier, could survive. Moreover, hungry beasts would have descended from the nearby mountains.
「Please don’t be too sad or feel sorry for me. I can say it was a very happy life. A nice life with a house to warm my body, the warmth of people, and delicious meals.
Above all, it’s a peaceful world after the war.
Thank you, everyone. Especially Brigadier General, who always acts prickly but seems to have a warm heart……」
That was the end of her unfinished will.
Why did she leave with an incomplete will?
The end for those suffering from depression, including war victims, was mostly taking their own lives.
He was sick of that reality.
“I……”
Masera puffed out a cloudy breath and climbed a high hill.
He once thought of making her unhappy, but he didn’t want this.
“Even if I don’t like you, I don’t want you to die.”
He rubbed his face and gasped for breath.
‘If only I had told her that I wasn’t angry at all, that I believed her.’
He knew very well that a casual word to someone could pull the trigger.
“Colonel Gise. The war is over, so what should I do with my life now?”
“Do what you want to do.”
He had answered indifferently, not knowing it was his subordinate’s last question.
“Then, I must go on a long journey.”
He didn’t know that his always smiling subordinate was suffering.
That remained as his trauma and self-reproach.
He didn’t want to regret it anymore.
Masera looked around the all-white forest.
“That’s……”
In the distance, smoke was rising from among the dense fir trees.
Remembering that there was a hunter’s cabin inside, he trudged through the snow, his legs sinking deep.
Before he knew it, it was completely night.
Enduring the harsh blizzard, he finally arrived in front of the cabin where smoke was rising.
Clunk.
Opening the heavy wooden door, he slumped his shoulders and let out a sigh mixed with bewilderment.
“Oh? How did you know I was here?”
Cynthia asked nonchalantly.
She was wearing a large parka and earmuffs, completely bundled up.
To top it off, she was grilling skewers over a bonfire in the middle of the cabin.
Far from trying to meet her own death, she looked like a survival expert specialized in the wild winter.
“……Why.”
The snow piled on Masera’s shoulders fell off in clumps.
“Why are you here?”
Cynthia, unaware of the anxiety Masera felt coming all the way here, simply smiled brightly.
“A cat chased by an eagle ran this way…… I came all the way here after the chase. We almost froze to death. Anyway, I was planning to go back tomorrow morning.”
From her arms, a yellow cheese cat poked its head out.
“Ah.”
He didn’t have the strength to get angry at her for putting him through unexpected winter training. In the first place, she was someone he had a hard time getting angry at.
Masera, wearing a hollow expression, said.
“Cover your ears until I get back.”
Leaving the cabin, he closed the door and fired a flare as a signal that he had found her.
Masera, who had re-entered the cabin, plopped down in front of the bonfire.
Cynthia, who had been covering her ears, smiled and took her hands away.
“……Good job.”
Masera praised her rarely.
He decided not to bring up the will to Cynthia. He had also told the maid to pretend not to know and leave it where it was.
Seeing Masera looking tired, Cynthia asked.
“Did you…… come to find me?”
“It was a nice day for a walk.”
“Oh, come on, that’s a lie.”
She handed Masera a skewer grilled to a golden brown.
“I’m a camping expert. I’m good at camping. Mountain ranger or hunter cabins usually have firewood, winter clothes, and food stocked up. They’re like shelters in case of sudden blizzards.”
“You know a lot.”
He asked her as she cut the meat into small pieces and fed it to the kitten.
“Did you name the cat?”
“Of course. I named all five of them.”
“What’s the name of that troublemaking cat?”
Cynthia lifted the cheese cat and answered.
“Marius Severus Razarus Cheese II.”
It was a name that felt grand, as if it were the name of a founder.
He didn’t even notice that it was shortened to ‘MaSeRa Cheese II’.
Masera stared at the door, which was rattling in the wind. As Cynthia said, it seemed like they would have to wait until tomorrow morning to return.
“By the way, aren’t you cold?”
Cynthia approached with a floral scarf and wrapped it around his neck, but he couldn’t resist. Her scent was embedded in the cozy scarf.
Masera faced her as she concentrated on tying the scarf.
“I.”
“Hm?”
Masera sighed and brushed the snow off his forehead.
“I’m not angry. I know it’s not true.”
Cynthia patted the beautifully tied scarf.
“I know.”
She blew on her hands, which were wearing wet gloves, and continued.
“It’s because you trust me, right?”
Masera unknowingly took off her gloves and grabbed her bare hands.
Cynthia, who was startled and tried to pull her hand away, widened her eyes.
“Wow! Your hands are really warm!”
“You’ll get frostbite.”
“Can I sit next to you? Brigadier General is so warm.”
“You can’t…… No. Do as you please.”
Cynthia crouched down next to him. Looking at her like this, she seemed very small.
Masera quietly looked down at her face, which seemed to have no worries.
‘Why did she write the will in the first place? Is she actually unhappy being with me?’
He was worried to the point of having a headache, but he decided not to ask first. He didn’t know how she would take his words.
‘I need to know what she’s thinking.’
Because she was a woman skilled at wearing masks.
Before he knew it, her head was swaying slowly up and down. Whether she was tired or comfortable, she was dozing off.
He let her head rest on his shoulder.
Masera, who suddenly felt the urge to embrace her small and delicate shoulders, squeezed his eyes shut.
And he recited a military song in his mind.
* * *
The next morning, fortunately, the snow stopped, and soldiers came to pick them up on snow sleds.
Cynthia was secretly touched that Masera had worried about her and come to find her.
She said to Masera, who looked like he hadn’t slept a wink.
“Brigadier General, tennis. If I win, you have to grant me another wish.”
Even if he finds out that I’m not a greenhouse flower, but a weed that will be pulled out someday…… will he still be on my side?
“Of course.”
He said it nonchalantly, but his voice was gentle.
Anyway, the short but long commotion was over.
* * *
After that day, Masera’s attitude towards Cynthia changed subtly.
Cynthia was busy preparing for her first social party, but he kept appearing in front of her, talking to her, or hovering around as if he were watching her.
He, who was circling around like he was scouting, approached Cynthia, who was making invitations for the tea party with Mary and Ginny, and said this.
“Let’s always have meals together, unless something special comes up.”
“Okay.”
Cynthia readily answered and focused on making invitations again.
Masera, who was watching, added.
“And let’s have a tea time once a day.”
Did he eat something funny? Why is he saying things he never used to say?
Cynthia gave him a questioning look.
Sensing an unusual atmosphere, Mary and Ginny, who were holding colored pencils, hesitated and gave up their seats.
“We just got some good coffee beans.”
“Oh, good.”
“Then let’s go now.”
He dragged Cynthia out to the outdoor garden and took a seat in a sunny spot.
He cleared his throat and conveyed his intention to her.
“I thought it would be nice to drink warm coffee while basking in the sunlight.”
But the coffee turned into iced Americano in 10 seconds, and Cynthia was sensitive to sunlight.
‘Is he trying to ease my mind?’
She enjoyed the feeling of drinking iced coffee in winter for the first time in a while.
While drinking coffee, he asked in a cautious tone.
“Is there anything you want to say to me? Like how you’re feeling these days, or if there’s anything that needs improvement…….”
What he wanted to hear was her depressed inner self and inner thoughts, what she was upset about, etc…….
“There’s a lot to say. I haven’t even finished telling you the story of the village chief who got involved with a gun smuggling organization while trying to get a gun to fight the wild boar that was tearing up the field before, right?”
Cynthia was a chatterbox with too much to say besides that.
“In the process of going to complain about the missing order, I obtained a document bag from a member of the organization…… and it just so happened that there was a plan related to the execution of the organization’s executives in it!”
Cynthia, who was enthusiastically telling the story, was surprised by Masera’s action of grabbing her hands on the table.
“What is it? It’s not even a scary story.”
“Ah, this is.”
“Always have meals together, don’t leave her alone, get some sunlight with a walk or tea time even for a short time, talk a lot, and hold her hand often.”
He couldn’t say that he was faithfully following the advice of a psychiatrist. And he didn’t know what to explain.
“In case your hands get cold.”
“……?”
Cynthia seemed to be pondering for a moment, then she clasped her hands together.
“This way, they’ll be warm without missing anything.”
He looked down at her slender, small fingers wiggling. Sharing a small warmth in the cold weather didn’t feel as bad as he thought.
