I stood between Major Rodriguez and Masera, their gazes clashing sharply.
It was just Masera being petulant; it wasn’t worth fighting over me!
“I hope you two reach a peaceful understanding.”
Now was not the time to watch men engage in a fierce battle of wills.
I saw Eugene trudging off somewhere and quickly followed him.
* * *
Emil, who impersonated the deceased Professor Hayden, was a bad villain, but he was a precious person to Eugene.
Eugene sat on a garden bench, rubbing his wet eyes and looking up at the sky.
“Master Eugene, shall we play ball together?”
Emil used to be a servant who worked at Eugene’s house.
Emil played with him kindly like a father and took warm care of him. Young Eugene liked and followed him very much.
I didn’t know why he had left the mansion, but after going through many things and being alone, I was so happy to meet him again.
“I’m hiding my identity for personal reasons. I have no choice but to live as a tutor pretending to be Professor Hayden. I will never say anything about your mother.”
After that, he treated me like a subordinate while acting as a teacher, but Eugene still liked him.
He was like a friend who had been with him during the happiest times.
Still, I didn’t want to lie to drive Cynthia away.
Eugene worried alone.
‘Where should I go now? I’m really alone now.’
Emil will talk about his runaway Esatain mother, and Uncle Masera will hate me.
Just like at the state hospital and orphanage.
I will have to say goodbye to the kind people at the residence.
Eugene sat listlessly until the sun hung on the edge of the clouds and reappeared on the other side.
Then, Cynthia’s uniquely gentle voice was heard.
“What are you doing there?”
Eugene did not answer.
“Eugene, are you very upset?”
Cynthia, asking again, stood watching Eugene’s lonely back.
“Big sis, about the frog house.”
Eugene was recalling the time he had caught a frog hibernating to tease Cynthia.
“Yes.”
Cynthia squatted down next to Eugene and answered.
Eugene, still looking up at the sky, said.
“Most frogs that wake up from hibernation don’t survive.”
Eugene already knew that there were no frogs in the aquarium filled with dirt.
Eugene, seeing Cynthia’s eyes widen in surprise, looked up at the sky again.
“Did I kill it?”
“No.”
“Did I make Emil die too?”
Surprised, Cynthia shook her head.
“Die? He will be investigated and go to jail if he is guilty.”
“I know what seditious books are. All the people who read them were arrested and never came back. They probably died.”
Eugene had seen the family of a friend he used to play with, who was charged with possessing seditious books, and a neighbor he greeted every day, being dragged away by the police when the Empire occupied the country in the past.
Eugene was a child who had learned the cause and effect of death early on.
Cynthia stared at Eugene’s expressionless face.
The child’s green eyes looked resolute. Instead of the fear and anxiety he had occasionally shown, there was resignation that had given up on everything.
“Eugene. That’s what the Empire did to oppress the colonies, and countries that seek freedom don’t do that.”
Cynthia tried hard to explain and reassure him.
But Eugene lowered his eyes sadly and said.
“Big sis, my mom and dad died because of me too.”
It was the first time he had talked about his parents.
Cynthia made a tearful face and patted Eugene on the back.
“Why do you think so? I don’t know what happened…”
Eugene didn’t say anything after that. Just like when he had closed his mouth, he watched the drifting clouds in silence.
Even when Cynthia chattered beside him, when Masera spoke to him, when the officers offered him a piggyback ride, he remained silent until he went to bed and opened his eyes again.
The child once again chose to build a wall around himself and isolate himself.
* * *
Several days had passed since Eugene had stopped speaking.
The doctor said that instead of worrying or urging him, we should treat him as usual and wait for him to feel stable and open his mouth on his own.
Cynthia followed Eugene around as usual and spent time with him.
“Eugene, the mother cat brought her babies. Aren’t they cute?”
Eugene watched the mother cat rubbing against him and the fluffy kittens.
“Cats do co-parenting with their companions. She must have brought them here to recognize us as companions and take care of them together.”
Cynthia smiled arrogantly, raising the tip of her nose towards the unresponsive Eugene.
“It’s going to be bitterly cold soon, so we’re going to build a house for them to spend the winter. Do you want to do it together? We’re cat guardians.”
Eugene nodded silently.
Eugene didn’t avoid Cynthia like before, and silently followed whatever she did.
‘It’s not that he likes me more… is it because he thinks he’s going to be abandoned soon?’
Cynthia, knowing that a child who has seen death matures more quickly, felt a deep sadness.
* * *
Cynthia went to Masera, who had returned to the residence in the evening.
“Rather than just waiting, I think we should do something.”
She knew that Eugene was suffering from the aftereffects of the war.
But at this time, the diagnosis of war PTSD was not recognized.
Rather, it was not taken seriously, being dismissed as a symptom fabricated to demand compensation from the state, or as a sign of weakness.
So there was no proper treatment.
“He experienced bombing at a young age and lost his parents. I think the wounds in his heart haven’t healed yet. I was hoping we could find a psychiatrist who is studying the aftereffects of war.”
Masera, who had been fixing his gaze on the documents, looked at Cynthia.
「Our Cynthia has nothing wrong with her. She has always grown up gently in the countryside, so how could she have experienced war?
She did have a seizure from the sound of gunfire when she followed me on a hunt before. I think she is afraid of guns or firecrackers because of that.」
It was Count Queensguard’s reply to a letter asking about Cynthia’s condition.
Masera sighed, pondering the contents of the reply. He felt pathetic for having felt sympathy for her even for a moment.
“Why do you talk so easily about the pain of those who have experienced war, when you know nothing about it?”
Cynthia stared at him blankly.
“I’m not talking easily.”
“So, you mean to lock a young child in a ward?”
The families of veterans indiscriminately locked those who showed abnormal symptoms in mental wards.
They even treated them as ominous, thinking that they were possessed by demons after going to the battlefield and killing people.
The only treatment was to lock them in a narrow room and give them tranquilizers. Those who were locked up only got worse over time, rather than improving.
“To Brigadier General Guise! Salute! No abnormalities during duty!”
When I went to visit a comrade who had been abandoned by his family and hospitalized, his time was still frozen on the front lines.
Masera had seen enough of that kind of thing.
His angry eyes were dyed a deep blue color.
“You think he’s not normal, so you think he’s useless and a burden, don’t you?”
“Why are you saying such harsh things…”
“Just because you married me, do you think you’ve become a part of my family?”
Masera, rising from his seat, approached her with a threatening momentum.
“The world may look beautiful to you, who grew up in a greenhouse, but many people are still unable to escape from their pain. You’re just a weak human being who gets scared and trembles at the sound of a hunting gun, so don’t you dare interfere in the affairs of people who have experienced real war.”
At the harsh words, Cynthia’s face turned even paler. Cynthia’s red eyes were shimmering like marbles submerged in water.
She recalled her past life.
A mother who left painfully with bandages all over her body due to the bombing, a father who left with the sound of enemy gunfire, an older brother who returned only with his dog tag, and an older sister whose body could not even be found in the collapsed building.
And the moment when she stood in the dazzlingly beautiful fireworks, like a festival, and looked at the last sky.
‘The world looked beautiful at that moment.’
The reason why she could find the beautiful parts of the world was because she knew the terrible world so well.
“I understand why you’re angry, Brigadier General.”
It must be because he knows the public’s view of war victims and the ugliness of the reality they experience.
“Still, you were too harsh. Without even knowing a single thing about me.”
Cynthia smiled and left the room.
Her wounded face and sad smile remained like afterimages in the empty space.
“…Damn it.”
Masera, left alone, rubbed his forehead and sighed.
You know there’s something off, Masera. You’ve seen her hands. It’s time to think more.
Cynthia, you too. It’s time to think about why you’re making certain choices.