Episode 5
Lately, I’ve been avoiding my husband as much as I can, and he’s noticed I haven’t had much of an appetite. He’s been very worried about me.
Tonight, since he got home earlier, he cooked a wonderful meal and waited for me. He gently encouraged me, “Eat plenty, okay?”
Before, those words would have touched my heart. But now…
> “It doesn’t reach me anymore. It all just feels empty—completely hollow.”
Suddenly, a wave of sadness rushed over me, and I could barely stop myself from crying.
The words I’d read—the endless exchanges between him and those women—stick in my head and won’t go away.
What hurts the most is that it was always him who took the initiative to reach out, to make contact.
> “It wasn’t that he was seduced by them—he was the one chasing after them. That’s what makes it unbearable. That’s what makes me feel so pathetic.”
Ever since the day I looked at his phone and discovered his true side, every single day has been nothing but pain.
Even now, it seems that on business trips he invites women he’s close with, just to go on dates.
I even saw one message: “I want to see you again—it was so much fun ❤️.”
> “Ahhh, just remembering it makes me furious!”
Day and night, I can’t decide what to do next. I feel trapped, agonizing endlessly.
> “I never knew I was this indecisive, this weak. It’s pathetic.”
Of course, I haven’t confronted him.
And yet, my husband continues to treat me kindly in all sorts of everyday ways. He even treats my parents with the same warmth and consideration.
> “It’s unbearable… this kindness of his.”
In the middle of all this, I remembered something a friend told me back in our university days.
She had two small children, but when she caught a cold and was bedridden, her husband—because of a prior promise—left her and the kids behind to go skiing.
She told me she was so frustrated, she cried.
And to make matters worse, her husband had also been having an affair with the woman who sat next to him at work.
By comparison, when I’ve been sick or unwell, my husband has always taken care of everything—meals, laundry, cleaning.
He even brought me ice, medicine, and water, and always checked on me with concern in his voice.
At the time, hearing her story, I felt lucky—truly blessed.
But now… I don’t know anymore.
> “Am I blessed, or am I just another pitiful woman? It feels so painfully ambiguous now.”
Back then, I thought, What an unlucky, unfortunate person she is.
But now, I’ve joined her ranks.
> “I’ve become one of the pitiful ones too… haha…”
And as those thoughts ran through my mind, a single tear slipped down my cheek.
