Chapter 5
Kiscel.
Someone I had known since I was very young but hadn’t seen since I turned eighteen.
“Ah…”
I was so shocked that my mouth fell open without realizing it.
He kindly reached out and closed my mouth for me.
I stared at him wide-eyed, my jaw clenched tight.
My eyes stung, and my chest tightened painfully.
The overwhelming feeling washing over me was familiar longing.
He had been the only one on my side amidst people who couldn’t even be called family—the Duke, my birth mother who had never shown me a shred of affection, and those who had treated me with only the bare minimum of decency.
My tense body slowly began to relax.
I took a step toward him.
He didn’t avoid me.
“I’m back, my lady.”
So this was when you returned.
Even in my past life, while I was living on the run, I would sometimes think of him.
And now, it was exactly the time when I had just been branded a criminal and started running away.
“Thank goodness.”
I couldn’t control the flood of emotions.
The joy and relief that welled up to the tip of my chin—how could I possibly express them?
“Judging from your reaction… something must’ve happened, huh?”
Kiscel wasn’t just my person.
“No wonder the place was crawling with unpleasant faces downstairs.”
He was the only one I could truly call family.
I couldn’t hold back the emotions threatening to spill over, so I lowered my head against his chest.
“Yeah. Something happened. A lot… really, a lot…”
As I inhaled his familiar scent, I felt a deep sense of comfort.
When I was a child and hated sleeping alone, I would stubbornly cling to his sleeve until we fell asleep together.
He had been there for every part of my life. And so, I had felt relief knowing he didn’t see me at my most miserable in the end.
“I missed you.”
I murmured softly.
It was only now that it truly felt like I had returned to where I belonged.
✦ ✦ ✦
Kiscel, naturally settling into his usual seat, began speaking in a low voice.
“I heard about the Duke’s disappearance as I entered the estate.”
Startled by his words, I choked on the cookie I had just bitten into.
Quick-witted as always, he immediately shot me a sharp look.
“Ahem… cough.”
“My lady, are you trying to act distant with me just because it’s been a while?”
No, absolutely not.
Coughing from the cookie lodged in my throat, I watched as he calmly poured me some tea.
I tilted the cup and forced the dry cookie down, then glanced sideways at him.
Since I didn’t respond, he quietly tidied the shawl I had tossed onto the sofa, mumbling to himself.
“The Duke and Duchess both missing… What kind of mess is this?”
“Mm, yeah… right?”
“Honestly, I hope they disappear forever into the depths of hell.”
“…Huh?”
“Yes?”
He folded the shawl neatly and studied my reaction closely.
It was that exact look—one that said he knew I was hiding something but would wait until I was ready to say it myself.
“Hmm, ahem…”
His expectant gaze made cold sweat run down my back.
“Would you like more tea?”
“No.”
After much hesitation, I realized there was no need to hide the truth and decided to tell him everything—except for the fact that I had returned from the past.
Even after telling him everything, I nervously glanced at him, unsure of how he would react. My fidgeting hands stilled, and I lifted my head with a heavy heart.
He simply covered his mouth with his hand and lowered his gaze, showing no outward reaction.
“Um… Kiscel?”
I called to him in a voice barely above a whisper. He let out a slow breath, looking unusually serious.
Why was he being so dramatic?
Granted, it was a heavy topic…
“Alright.”
He clapped his hands together with a snap.
I opened my eyes wide in surprise.
Kiscel stood up with a solemn expression and added something ridiculous before I could process what he was doing.
“In that case, why don’t we just wipe out all the branch nobles too?”
I set down my teacup.
Watching his eyes burning with determination, I quickly reached out and pushed him back down into his seat.
Sit down. Just sit down.
Though the sofa could easily seat two, Kiscel took up more than half of it, so I squeezed in beside him.
“I feel stupid for being so tense.”
“Don’t worry. Just the way you handled things shows you’re no fool anymore.”
“What? So I was a fool before?”
“No way. How could I call my honorable lady a fool?”
He gave a mischievous smile.
“I just regret not being the one to take care of it myself.”
Sometimes, Kiscel gave off a unique chill.
“Let’s just report it to the Imperial Family as a disappearance?”
“That’s the plan.”
“And after that?”
“…”
He turned me sideways, saying my hair was messy, and began combing it gently.
As he tidied my hair, he asked softly,
“What are you planning to do next?”
“I don’t want to live weak anymore.”
“No one would ever dare call you weak, my lady.”
His gentle hands combing through my hair made me feel drowsy.
He was the only person whose warmth I could feel.
From his touch, from his voice, I could feel that he cared for me.
He lifted his hands once the grooming was done, and I gave a soft chuckle.
I gently smoothed down the loose strands of hair and quietly whispered,
“Weakness only eats away at my soul.”
“…”
“Helplessness makes my existence fade away.”
As a child, I was too young to reject my parents.
As I grew older, I thought obeying them was only natural.
As an adult, I couldn’t dare to defy my father.
I had lived my whole life weak and powerless.
He was the mighty Duke of Mertiel, one of the Empire’s great noble lords with hundreds of soldiers under his command. Meanwhile, I was just a noble lady who ate and slept under his roof.
“I hate that.”
I wasn’t going to live that way anymore.
I turned away from Kiscel.
It had taken me so long to realize even this small truth—to break out of the prison my father had built for me.
“I want the power to make sure no one can ever look down on me again.”
“Then go for it.”
“And maybe some authority while I’m at it.”
“That doesn’t sound bad at all.”
“I want to be someone unforgettable, not a noble girl who could disappear at any time.”
“That’s my wish too.”
“I don’t want to be married off like a product.”
“We really are on the same page.”
“I don’t want to have a son just to secure my position, like my father wants.”
“Now that—was a madman’s demand.”
I opened my eyes wide and stared into his gray ones.
“Did you just insult him?”
“Nope.”
“I heard you loud and clear.”
“How could a loyal servant like me say such vulgar things in front of his master? You must’ve misheard.”
“Wow… you’re shameless.”
He burst out laughing.
I couldn’t help but laugh with him.
Ah… how long had it been since I laughed like this? I couldn’t even remember the last time.
“I used to worry because you weren’t growing taller, but it looks like you’ve finally shot up. I’m so glad.”
“What are you talking about? And didn’t I tell you not to mention my height?”
“I gave you everything said to help you grow, but why— Ouch!”
I pinched his side playfully and turned my head away.
Kiscel clutched his side like he was in pain, but I wasn’t falling for that again.
“You’ve got more to say, right? Just finish it. That way I won’t have to hit you again.”
Marriage? No way.
All noble daughters in the Empire might share similar fates, but that was the one thing I refused.
I didn’t want to be married off to some old man or to a worthless noble heir my own age.
I didn’t want to be used like a pawn when I didn’t even want it myself.
No matter where I went, I’d just be pestered to have a son once I was married.
“I think I’ll try becoming the Duke.”
To succeed the man hiding somewhere deep in the mountains.
Kiscel turned to me, and I met his crimson eyes head-on without flinching.
With firm determination, I spoke clearly, word by word.
“Duke Inerra Mertiel. Doesn’t that sound pretty good?”
