TMWSH 04

~Chapter 04~

“Pawned Life”

“Yumo! Where’s Howard?”
“Well….”

Marie couldn’t say a word, looking troubled.
Irina ran around everywhere, clutching a gift box.

“I have to be the first to congratulate him.”

She had been running since morning, breath coming short, but Howard was nowhere to be found.
Eventually, the commotion brought the butler in, who tried to calm her.

“Howard is no longer in this house, miss.”
“What? What do you mean he’s not?!”
“Howard has returned to his original home.”
“His original home? What do you mean? Howard’s home is here. Next to my room.”

Irina corrected the butler as if he had made a mistake. Her cheeks were still flushed from running so much.

“Howard came here last winter, didn’t he? He’s gone back to where he came from.”
“Why? Why?”

Thunk—the beautifully wrapped gift box slipped from her hands and hit the floor. Thud, thud.
Irina’s amber eyes wavered, and soon tears began to pour down uncontrollably.

She collapsed onto the floor and cried her heart out.
“No! Bring Howard back! I said bring him back!”
“Oh, my lady…”

The maid beside her hugged the sobbing girl tightly and wiped her tears.

A child’s grief lasted far longer than anyone expected.
For days, Irina refused to eat, and the servants had a hard time tending to her.
She threw tantrums, demanded Howard’s return, and cried at the smallest things.

One day, she gathered all her clothes and jewelry and brought them to her father.
She even brought her favorite doll—the one she hugged every night—and the soft wool blanket she had never used.

“Can’t I trade these to bring Howard back?”

She looked ready to strip the clothes and hairpin she was wearing, too.
Count Kosat rubbed his forehead, looking pained.

It didn’t stop there—sometimes she woke up crying for Howard in the middle of the night.
But Howard never returned.

A season passed, and then a few years went by.

That day, Irina was unusually busy.
It was her sixteenth birthday—the day of her debutante ball.

“I’m wearing the red dress I had tailored last time. Can you prepare it for me?”

The plump-cheeked little girl had grown into a young lady who could outshine anyone at a glance.
Her once-clear amber eyes, like melted gold in water, had deepened.
Her leather-topped shoes suited her perfectly, and she now preferred fragrant tea to warm milk.

Her long, silky hair shimmered down her back, grown over several years.
She enjoyed ballroom dancing more than climbing trees to pick fruit.
Instead of painting, she expanded her horizons visiting museums and galleries.

She didn’t find it all that fun, but she thought it was something she should do—and never slacked off.

She wore splendid earrings and a dazzling tiara that glittered atop her head.

“It’s about time.”

Her escort for the evening was running late.

By the time she had put on her shoes and finished a cup of tea, her friend and party partner, Roan, arrived.
He was a gentle-looking young man with brown hair.

“Sorry I’m late.”
“Yes, you are. Come on, let’s go.”
“You look absolutely stunning tonight. It’s an honor to be your partner.”

Roan placed a hand dramatically on his chest and bent his knee in mock formality.
Irina playfully tapped his shoulder.

“Don’t be silly.”

And just like that, the memory of Howard faded further from Irina’s mind.

Until—

He appeared again.

“……”

Even if she had been young back then, even if he had been small—there was no mistaking him.

“…Howard?”

He looked down at her with a faint smile.

Back then, even though he was three years older, he had been shorter than her.
Now she had to look up to meet his eyes.
His once gentle, timid eyes now gleamed with the light of a man.

He was Howard—but somehow, not the same.
The shy little boy she remembered was gone.
Yet she knew—it was him.

“Howard, it’s you, isn’t it?”

Roan, standing beside Irina, darted his eyes toward the stranger.
He had never seen Irina look so startled, so flustered.

“It is you.”

Irina didn’t doubt for a second.
The boy who had vanished without a word—the servant who had been her childhood friend—was standing before her.

“It’s been a long time, Lady Irina.”

Howard bowed his head just like he used to when they were children.
Tears almost welled in Irina’s eyes.

He’d disappeared without a word—yet here he was, healthy and grown.
She took a step closer to him.
He might have been infuriating, but she was too relieved, too happy that her dear friend had returned.

As he approached, Irina’s head tilted back to meet his eyes.

“You’ve grown so much. Your voice, your height—you were so small and fragile. You used to catch colds so easily. Do you know how sad I was when you disappeared?”

Irina was already walking through her memories, her heart warm with nostalgia.

“Who is this?” Roan asked as he approached.
Irina briefly introduced Howard to him.

Roan’s eyes narrowed slightly.
A tall man—taller than him—with a proud, unbending gaze that didn’t fit a servant.
What bothered him most, though, was Irina’s attitude.

A moment ago, she had been perfectly cheerful.
Roan had planned to win her heart tonight—but now he could feel the ground shifting beneath him.
Still, he smiled and pretended to take it well when she insisted that Howard accompany them.

That night, Irina’s debutante ball was a success.

But near the end of the ball, an accident occurred—
A chandelier from the ceiling suddenly fell toward Irina.

Fortunately, Howard, who had been guarding her side, pulled her away just in time.

From then on, Howard became her shadow.
Whenever Irina asked where he had been all these years, he changed the subject—but she didn’t press him.

He served as her butler and bodyguard for about three months—arriving when the seasons changed and leaving when they changed again.

During that time, wherever Irina went, Howard followed.
The distance that had once separated them began to close.

Maybe it was because she had grown—or because he had.
A new kind of feeling started to bloom between them.

While her friends dated young men of their own age, Irina had none.
She received several confessions, but none moved her heart.
Even Roan’s sincere proposal was gently declined.

If she were ever to fall in love naturally, she thought—it would be with Howard.
Roan had once accused her of it too.

“Is it because of that guy?” he’d said.

Maybe he was right.
She couldn’t explain why—she just felt it was meant to be.

If that was called first love, then yes—Howard was her first love.

To Irina, he was hers.
If he couldn’t be hers because he was a servant, then she would simply raise him to her level.
She was sure he would agree—utterly confident in that belief.

But then—

“Howard… I like you.”

When she finally confessed, Howard said nothing.

Seeing his troubled face, she smiled awkwardly, telling him it was fine, that he could take his time, that even a rejection was okay—just please tell her something later.

But instead—
He disappeared. Again.
Without a word.
Without a reply to her confession.
Without even a promise to meet again.

Her mother had always told her that managing servants was the mistress’s duty, so all she heard later was that he had “returned home.”

She didn’t even have time to grieve—
Her mother fell ill soon after.

Her condition worsened rapidly, and she passed away before any treatment could help.
Within a year, her stepmother entered the house, and everything changed.

Every time life became unbearable, Irina wished Howard were there.
But he never returned.

Eventually, she thought she had forgotten him.
Even her anger had faded—until now.

Seeing him again, she realized none of it had ever really gone away.
She even felt the urge to rip out every strand of his gray hair.

As she replayed the past in her mind, her lips twisted with fury.

The confusion she’d felt earlier vanished completely.

Her mother’s keepsake—the treasure she’d been told to use only when she truly needed it—was in her hand now.
It was the only thing her mother had entrusted solely to her, and now, as a relic, Irina had decided it was time to use it.

Ownership transfer could only be done through a priest.
Without the original owner’s consent and the proper ceremony, even if someone stole it, it would be nothing more than a pretty stone—useless and unworkable.

She had no intention of giving it to her father to pay his debts.
She would use it to buy her own freedom—to become a person unbound by her family name.

Howard stood there, quietly watching her.
Seeing Irina glaring at him so fiercely that her eyes practically spat curses, the corner of his mouth twitched upward—then fell back into a neutral line.

“You don’t have to stare so intensely, my lady. I know you’re happy to see me.”

He sat down leisurely on a nearby chair.

Happy? Did he just say happy?

Irina’s eyes curved into a deceptively sweet smile—but the look inside them was sharp and deadly.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”