Chapter 11. You Don’t Know
Everything Senelia had struggled for until now was for one reason—
To marry Benelucia.
That was the only way she could survive.
The only way she could escape the Emperor’s grasp.
And yet, now Benelucia dared to call marriage “that trivial thing.”
Senelia felt like her entire eight years had been invalidated.
If marriage was just something trivial he could grant—
Then where did that leave her past eight years?
What about the humiliation, the pain, the shame she endured just to get through that time?
What was the point of all of it?
Anyone whose life was denied in such a way would feel deep anger.
“Even if I storm out into the ballroom right now and grab the first person I see to marry… it will never be Your Highness.”
Senelia blurted the words without thought.
For the first time in eight years, her words came out raw, unfiltered—bristling with thorns.
The very same thorns she had swallowed over those eight years.
She turned on her heel and ran out of the lounge, leaving Benelucia behind.
In truth, that was something she had always wanted to do.
As soon as she returned to the townhouse after confronting Benelucia, Senelia regretted everything.
Everything she had said and done in the lounge.
I ruined it… all of it was for nothing.
A wave of fear overwhelmed her.
She had struggled for eight years.
She’d known all along just how selfish Benelucia was.
And yet, today—just for that one moment—she couldn’t hold herself back. She lashed out and even said the name Lucalina.
She felt pathetic. Disgusted.
She hated herself so much it was hard to breathe.
“What do I do, what do I do…”
Senelia muttered hysterically, biting at her thumbnail.
The words spilled from her lips as if speaking them aloud was the only way to survive the panic.
What if Benelucia really ends things with me now? What do I do?
But her brain wouldn’t stop imagining.
In her mind, Benelucia looked at her with a disgusted expression.
Eventually, he turned his back on her—never to look back.
“Huh…!”
Her breath, already shallow, completely stopped.
Thud.
Unable to breathe, her body collapsed from the chair and tumbled to the floor.
“Young Lady!”
A maid who had just come in to prepare a bath gasped and rushed to her side.
But once her breathing stopped, it wouldn’t come back.
“Young Lady! Please, stay with me!”
The maid’s panicked voice grew distant in Senelia’s ears.
Her eyes shut.
And in that moment… she thought maybe this would be the only peaceful end she’d ever get.
Benelucia stood, gazing silently down at Senelia as she lay asleep.
“The lady collapsed, but we couldn’t call for a priest… Please, Your Highness, help us!”
The moment he heard that, he’d lost the ability to breathe.
Senelia had collapsed. The head maid at the townhouse had urgently summoned a doctor, but Senelia hadn’t regained consciousness.
Priests who could tend to mental afflictions were high-ranking—
Something a low noblewoman like Senelia couldn’t afford.
So the maid had come directly to the Duke of Afron’s estate.
Senelia would hate that, but there was no other choice.
Because of that, Benelucia had stepped into Senelia’s room for the first time in eight years.
…Was it because of me?
But he didn’t have time to examine the room—he was too busy replaying what he had said earlier.
The pale color of Senelia’s face made him anxious.
…She’s had episodes of difficulty breathing.
He remembered the maid’s explanation and scoffed bitterly.
They had spent eight years together, and yet he hadn’t known even this.
According to the maid, Senelia occasionally suffered panic attacks and breathing problems.
Doctors had visited several times but couldn’t fix it.
Senelia had simply accepted that fact.
“Why the hell did you neglect yourself like this…”
He kept his voice low so as not to wake her, but Benelucia still murmured the question aloud.
Senelia had never wanted to be a burden to him.
That’s why she had hidden it so thoroughly—something he never would have realized on his own.
She had become numb to acting strong around him.
And though she’d told no one, Senelia knew exactly why she was this way.
She was constantly walking on thin ice.
One misstep and the Emperor’s sword, always at the ready, could strike her down at any moment.
There was no way she could not feel anxious.
Panic disorder caused by extreme tension and fear.
That’s how Senelia herself diagnosed her condition.
“How much have you hidden from me all this time?”
Benelucia thought of Senelia lashing out at him earlier.
Ironically, he was learning more about her after their breakup than he ever had before.
Even that moment of anger—he’d never seen her like that.
He’d always known she was hiding something from him.
But how could he ask Why are you hiding from me?—
when he was the one who’d told her from the beginning not to expect anything from him.
“Is that why you said goodbye to me?”
No one can hide themselves forever.
As he looked at the pale, sleeping Senelia, that thought finally settled in Benelucia’s mind.
Just then, her eyelids fluttered.
Her red eyes opened and met his gaze.
And with that, an immense wave of relief washed over Benelucia.
Though he didn’t realize it himself.
“…Your Highness?”
Senelia blinked in confusion.
It was definitely the ceiling of her own room in the townhouse, so why was Benelucia here?
She had never allowed him into this space.
“…You collapsed, Seli. Are you okay?”
Benelucia asked gently, as if they hadn’t broken up—
as if they were still lovers.
The sound of his voice made it all real.
Senelia’s brow furrowed instantly.
Even the last space that was solely hers had now been touched by him.
Benelucia Afron meant far too much to her.
And that’s exactly why she hated him.
Because now, even in this room, she would think of him.
“Why are you here, Your Highness?”
Her question came out cold.
“You collapsed. How could I not come?”
But Benelucia didn’t get angry.
Instead, he gently comforted the now-alert but tense Senelia.
“Go back to sleep. The priest said you need to rest.”
Senelia bit her lip hard.
Everything that happened in the lounge had been just a temporary outburst.
Benelucia Afron—true to his royal blood—was arrogant and selfish, yes, but painfully enough, he was also this kind.
And that kindness… more than his selfishness…
was what killed Senelia the most.
Because it was never really hers.
…Don’t think about it. Just sleep.
She felt the spiral begin.
So she forced herself to stop thinking.
Having lost all strength, she slowly lay back down in silence.
If she stayed awake, she wouldn’t be able to stop her thoughts.
“I’ll stay until you wake up. Sleep well.”
Benelucia spoke in a soothing tone.
Ironically, Senelia felt relieved.
Because as long as he was here, the Emperor wouldn’t come.
In the end, the only one who could save her was Benelucia Afron.
Knock. Knock-knock-knock. Knock.
She almost fell asleep.
But then, someone began pounding on the door with an almost obsessive intensity.
“Your Highness! There is urgent news!”
Even after that frantic knocking, when Benelucia didn’t respond, a voice followed.
“Leave.”
Benelucia remained firm, even after hearing his subordinate’s urgent tone.
He was determined to stay by Senelia’s side, as he had said.
But the next words made that impossible.
“Your Highness! Lady Elian has returned!”
Lucalina Elian.
At that name, Benelucia flinched and muttered in disbelief.
“…Lucalina?”
Lucalina Elian.
At that name, Senelia turned pale.
Even in front of Benelucia, she forgot to maintain her expression.
…The female lead? Why… Why already…?
Senelia’s hands trembled in panic.
The nightmare she had feared every day for the past eight years was now a reality.
Wasn’t there… wasn’t there still a year left?
She calculated it again and again in her head.
In the original story, Lucalina wasn’t supposed to appear for another year.
Senelia wasn’t wrong.
The original plot had changed.
Why…? Is it because I… interfered? Because I tried to change the story?
Senelia covered her mouth.
She felt like a hysterical scream was about to burst out.
