TMLLT 56

Chapter 56

“Trusting Someone”

“Being in the same knight order means we have to watch each other’s backs. And that means trusting each other.”

I was ready to come up with a quick response no matter what Roitz said.

But the moment I heard his words, my mouth went dry.

The word trusting stopped the words I was about to say right in my throat.

“…”

The hand that was holding Roitz’s arm slowly let go. Instead, I clutched the hem of my robe tightly.

His words sounded like he was telling me he couldn’t trust me with his back anymore.

Of course, I knew why I had been at the Holy Artifact Storage and what I was trying to do.

But Roitz didn’t. There was no way he could know or understand.

If I kept silent like this, he would definitely keep doubting me. Then that trust would really disappear.

“…I don’t want that.”

It was strange. Just thinking that Roitz might not trust me anymore made me feel scared.

People are always afraid of being rejected by others.

Was that why I was feeling like this?

But I knew it wasn’t the same. If someone else turned their back on me, I wouldn’t feel this way.

‘Is it because it’s Roitz?’

He was the one who always understood me the most, trusted me the most… and…

“Serdin.”

What if he was now disappointed in me and all of that disappeared?

“…”

The truth was, I wasn’t ready to tell Roitz about what had happened.

But if he couldn’t trust me anymore, if he turned away from me…

‘Then what’s the point of staying in Elche at all?’

I felt like I had to at least explain myself to him.

Even if my actions weren’t exactly righteous, I didn’t want him to misunderstand me worse.

I didn’t want Roitz to hate me.

“Sunbae, I…”

I opened my mouth to explain why I was there.

But at that moment, Roitz cut me off.

“So, Serdin…”

I thought he was going to tell me to explain myself.

“That means trusting each other.”

He would say that unless I told him the truth, he wouldn’t be able to trust me.

But what he said was the exact opposite of what I expected.

“That’s why I’m not asking you.”

What?

“Because if you’re not telling me right now, I know you must have a reason.”

I froze and stared at him.

“Trusting you means trusting your judgment.”

Roitz said my name softly.

“I know you’re not someone who would do anything foolish or hurt my back.”

“…”

“So you don’t need to explain it to me. As long as it’s something you truly believe is necessary.”

On his normally serious face, he gave me a calm, deliberate smile.

“Just, whatever it is, keep our trust intact. And know that I’ll be the one to take responsibility, so carry that weight with you.”

I stared at him blankly.

It felt like something had struck my locked-up chest and mind, breaking them open.

“Why are you making that face?”

Roitz lowered his head slightly to meet my eyes, smiling softly.

“Let’s go.”

“…”

I bit my lip. What I felt at that moment… it wasn’t like any emotion I had ever felt before.

It was warm and sharp at the same time. Like I was being embraced, but also threatened.

“Serdin?”

I felt like that emotion had been born the moment I met Roitz’s eyes, so I quickly looked away.

“Why are you avoiding my eyes?”

“N-no reason. …Let’s go!”

I pushed him lightly and hurried forward.

“What is this? What is this feeling?”

Roitz quickly caught up with me.

I tried to shake off the strange emotion by running through the cold wind.

Roitz easily kept pace beside me without tiring.

The next afternoon, with the sun high in the sky,

I was walking slowly through the training grounds, dust rising gently beneath my feet.

‘Serdin, you seem out of it today.’
‘Are you feeling sick?’

Aaron and Manon, who had eaten lunch with me, had said that.

And only then did I realize I had been dazed all morning.

It wasn’t strange to be spaced out sometimes. People couldn’t be focused every hour of the day.

‘But the reason why…’

“Serdin, if you’re just walking, let me join you.”

Suddenly, Roitz leaned his head into my line of sight.

“Wh-what are you doing?”

I flinched and stepped back.

“What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing.”

“What were you thinking about?”

I stared blankly at Roitz as he smiled faintly, then turned my gaze away.

That feeling again—the same one I’d felt near the Holy Artifact Storage a few days ago.

‘Was I just too nervous that day?’

Maybe seeing him reminded me of how startled and tense I’d been then.

After all, even though I had managed to take the dagger, the process had been far from smooth.

Thankfully, the guard must have kept the incident to himself, because there was no sign of anyone searching for the dagger.

When I looked back at Roitz again, he was still watching me.

Our eyes met, and the strange feeling returned.

‘Cover it up.’

I reached up and pulled his bangs down to cover his eyes.

“What are you doing?”

“Just seeing if this hairstyle suits you.”

Now that I couldn’t see his eyes, it felt a little easier!

“You like this look, Serdin?”

“Yes, it’s nice.”

“Is that so…”

I quickly turned away and walked toward the training grounds. Soon I heard Roitz’s footsteps mixing with mine.

“Can you see where you’re going like that, Sunbae?”

“Enough to walk just fine.”

“Do you have another set of eyes somewhere?”

“If you count intuition as eyes, then yes.”

“Your beast isn’t helping you see, is it?”

Roitz shook his head.

“No, it doesn’t do that.”

Through the hair covering his eyes, I could still see the glint of his deep blue eyes as he smiled.

‘Roitz actually smiles a lot.’

He smiled now even though I hadn’t said anything funny.

He often smiled softly like that, except for the period a few months ago when we had first met again.

‘He was pretty cold back then.’

Would he be cold like that again if I told him we needed to kill his beast?

Roitz could be sharp and uncompromising, so maybe he would.

‘But I still have to tell him.’

Even though it was only a few words, it felt so heavy.

It wasn’t something I could casually throw out in passing.

Because eliminating the Necroquad wasn’t an easy decision.

I had my own desperate reason: I knew it would kill me one day.

But Roitz didn’t know that.

If I suddenly told him we needed to kill his beast, he might just think I was joking.

“Do you have something on your mind?”

As I was deep in thought, Roitz asked me.

“No…”

I started to say no, but closed my mouth.

I took a deep breath and said,

“I have something to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“Well…”

Where should I start?

If I mentioned the original story, would he even believe me?

Or should I just tell him that the beast made me uneasy?

But as soon as I tried to speak, my thoughts wouldn’t line up.

My gaze shifted from Roitz to the Elche knights behind him.

There were too many people around the training grounds. I couldn’t say it here.

“I want to tell you somewhere private, just the two of us.”

“Just the two of us? Why?”

“I just… I don’t want anyone else to hear. I only want to tell you.”

Should I go to his quarters and say it there?

There wouldn’t be anyone else watching.

And maybe, if I timed it right, I could get rid of the beast right then too.

‘I can do this, right?’

“Then, Serdin…”

“Sunbae, then…”

We both started speaking at the same time and then stopped.

The sound of the sand at our feet brushing away filled the brief silence.

I must have been nervous, because even Roitz looked a little tense.

“Then tell me tonight.”

“At your place… Huh? Not now? It’s important.”

“Because it’s important, I want to hear it properly later. Right now, I have to go greet the returning subjugation knights.”

I stopped in my tracks.

“Wait, the subjugation team is back? When?”

“They sent word earlier. Part of them are returning.”

It was the group that had left for the “Garden of Demons,” the Edikal Forest, about a month ago.