TMLLT 39

Chapter 39

“Yeah, Just Joking”

Their relationship was just his one-sided misunderstanding.

So, if he acted a little cold, Serdin would turn her back too.

He was sure that’s what would happen.

But then—
“See you at Elche, senior.”

Why does she keep crossing the line?

“Senior, look at this! I’ve been waiting for you!”

Why does she keep trying to break down the wall he spent two years building?

“So, you’re finally acknowledging me, right?”

She smiles brightly, as if it means nothing—and no matter how much he tries to keep a distance, she keeps coming closer without getting tired.

Roitz repeated to himself again:

“…There are no feelings left.”

He told himself her smile under the sun wasn’t radiant at all.
That watching her proudly after defeating monsters wasn’t charming.
That seeing her breathe softly in her sleep didn’t make him want to comfort her.

That he had no feelings left for Serdin.

“I don’t care where you sleep.”

Even tonight, those cold words were the harshest he could manage to push her away.

He could tear into others with words easily, always keeping an emotionless front.

But oddly, the one struggling from those harsh words wasn’t Serdin—it was Roitz himself.

‘Still, I said it harshly. She’ll back off now.’

He thought her sunny smile would finally disappear.

That she would turn her back on him.

But instead, Serdin just acted like nothing happened and walked off to the shed.

“….”

Left alone, Roitz kept replaying the conversation.

He grew angry—at himself.

‘Why did I say something so pathetic…’

As his frustration built, Roitz punched the air in anger.
And then, something dawned on him.

He really wasn’t okay.

He thought he had no feelings left.

So then why… was he acting so foolish?

“….”

And only when he rushed to the shed and saw Serdin curled up, looking at him—

“Senior? Why are you here? Could you please close the door?”

Only then did the truth start sinking in—
A truth his unconscious mind already knew.

Even if they were just senior and junior…

Even if he couldn’t hope for a close or affectionate relationship…

Roitz wanted to be near Serdin.

* * *

The night grew deeper.

Roitz kept looking toward the robe curtain, but it wasn’t something he could control.

Even as he tried to sleep, his thoughts kept drifting to the person behind the curtain.

For Serdin, it might’ve been a cozy sleepover.
For Roitz, it was the most uncomfortable sleep of his life.

‘I’m not bothered… I’m really not…’

Yet his eyes never left the curtain.

“Senior.”

Suddenly, Serdin called him.

So she wasn’t asleep?

Roitz flinched and replied with a husky voice.

“…What?”

“I still have that whistle you gave me.”

In the quiet night, only her voice echoed in his ears.

Roitz stayed silent for a moment before answering softly, his voice mixed with a sigh.

“…You didn’t throw it away.”

“Why would I? What if someone else found it and blew it?”

That was such a Serdin-like answer. But hearing it made Roitz think—

If he’d heard the sound of that whistle… no matter what the situation was…

“Then I’d have come. For sure.”

No matter what feelings they had, that would’ve been the truth.

Not because of feelings for her.

But because he couldn’t ignore danger. That alone would’ve made him go.

‘If she blew that whistle, anyone—not just me—would’ve…’

But then Serdin laughed lightly, brushing off all those excuses.

“All the way from the north to here? You’re still such a joker, senior.”

That one reply crushed all the justifications Roitz had been clinging to.

Roitz let out a bitter smile and closed his eyes.

“Yeah, just joking.”

Yeah… he could play it off. Everything—past and present—as a joke.

He had to.

The rain kept tapping against the thin window.

There was no moonlight, and the room was dark, but I couldn’t sleep for some reason.

There was no sound from behind my robe, which had almost finished drying.

‘Is Roitz asleep?’

Lying on the sofa, I pulled the blanket closer.

I tossed and turned, glancing again toward the robe.

“Senior.”

I tried calling again, but silence answered.
It seemed like he was asleep now.

‘Why can’t I fall asleep?’

I was exhausted, but sleep just wouldn’t come.

Maybe because I was soaked earlier and still felt a bit chilled.

Or maybe I had too many thoughts swirling in my head.

I shivered. Even though the sofa was next to the fireplace, it was still cold.

‘If it’s this cold even with a fire…’

I would’ve definitely gotten sick if I’d stayed in that shed.

Suddenly, I remembered when I had a terrible cold once, and Roitz had stayed by my side all night.

He’d brought what felt like an entire pharmacy and stacked the medicine on the table.
And when I woke up from my fever, he was right there beside me.

It’s funny how the memories that stick with you are often the unexpected ones.

Even after Roitz left, I thought about that moment from time to time.

Even when I wasn’t sick.

“Senior.”

I called out again—but no answer.

“Guess he’s asleep.”

Then, I heard a low voice from behind the robe.

“Still awake. I haven’t slept yet.”

“Did I wake you?”

“…”

“Go back to sleep. I’ll be quiet now.”

I fell silent. But I could hear him moving—folding blankets, shifting around.

I sat up too, still wrapped in the blanket.

Leaning off the sofa, I reached out and grabbed the edge of the robe.

I pulled it aside slightly—and saw Roitz sitting up, looking at me.

“What is it?”

“Nothing, really.”

Roitz looked at me with an unreadable expression.

The room was filled only with the sound of rain.

I didn’t bother filling the silence with words—I just kept looking at him.

He looked like he had something to say.

‘He’ll probably say he doesn’t if I ask.’

But his eyes said otherwise.

After staring for a bit, Roitz got up and walked to the fireplace.

He threw in a few more logs, and the fire flared up again.

I lay back on the sofa.

Instead of returning to bed, Roitz sat beside me, leaning against the sofa armrest near my head.

The warm firelight flickered softly across his face.

Looking at him like that, I suddenly remembered another night.

The night during Knight Survival Training.

Back then, under the night sky, Roitz had also looked down at me like this.

Roitz turned slightly and glanced at me with those navy eyes.

“Can’t sleep?”

“Well, yeah.”

After sitting quietly for a while, he finally spoke with a complicated expression.

“Want me to help you sleep?”

“Are you going to punch me?”

His serious face finally eased up a bit.

He let out a small laugh.

Seeing that rare smile in the firelight made my heart feel weird.

Because this was the first time Roitz had smiled at me since we reunited.

Seeing that smile, I realized something.

I wanted Roitz to acknowledge me as a junior.

But more than that—I just wanted him to smile at me again.

Not just to recognize my skills, but to enjoy the time we spent together—both ways.

Roitz looked down at me, mumbling with a mixed expression.

“…I don’t even know anymore.”

I didn’t know what he meant.

His complex expression soon softened into a drowsy smile, soaked in the night.

He leaned on the sofa armrest, propped up his chin, and quietly looked down at me.

Then, he gently placed a hand on my shoulder.

“You fell asleep like this back then, remember?”

He began gently patting my shoulder in a steady rhythm.

As I listened to the repeating sound and felt the warmth of his hand, my eyes slowly started to close.

I felt like I was drifting on the edge of sleep.

Then I asked softly:

“Senior, did you do well during those two years?”

“You asked me that before.”

“I’m just curious again. You never really told me what you did.”

“I did okay. A lot changed since then.”

“Mm, I see.”

The sound of rain tapping the window began to fade.

Eyes still closed, I mumbled:

“I changed a lot too. But…”

“…Yeah?”

“I think I changed more because of you.”

“…How could you change because of someone you didn’t even see for two years?”

“I don’t know either.”

“What kind of answer is that.”

I couldn’t explain it well.

But even when we didn’t meet, Roitz kept motivating me. He was my goal.

Maybe it was because he had once led me forward.

“I guess… I just really wanted to come to Elche.”

After saying that, I slowly opened my sleepy eyes.

Roitz was looking at me—with an expression full of emotions I couldn’t name.