Chapter 4
The Empress’s palace, which wasn’t even patrolled by the royal guards, was an easy place to infiltrate in the early hours of the foggy dawn.
Retracing childhood memories, Kartia crept back to the maid’s entrance and slipped through the shutters. Soon enough, she was inside.
Just in case, she even took off her shoes, clutching them in her hands as she quietly made her way up with only a faint lantern for light.
Her destination was the study — the room where the Empress used to read and study etiquette. It was also the place where the Empress had often read fairy tales to Kartia.
Now standing in front of the study door, Kartia frowned slightly. There was no dust on the doorknob.
Most of the palace had been left unmaintained, covered in dust, yet there was none here.
She had a feeling there would be no dust in the bedroom either.
Still… surely not today.
She slowly opened the door and was greeted by a chilly, empty silence. A bit relieved, Kartia slipped inside and closed the door behind her.
She ran to the desk, placed the lantern on top, and immediately lay flat on the ground, rummaging beneath the bottom drawers.
“It should be right around here…”
At least, that’s how she remembered it. Had the spot changed?
She had no choice but to pull the drawers out one by one and turn them over.
Items spilled all over the floor. The headache from imagining having to clean this up grew stronger, but she didn’t stop.
This was the most precious thing in her entire life — something she had to find.
“Ah! Found it!”
Only after flipping the third drawer did she see it — a small diary taped to the back wall.
Kartia hastily removed the tape and gently brushed her hand over the cover.
As she opened the thick hardcover, elegant handwriting greeted her on the first page:
“For my beloved Kartia — Aveline Vistide.”
Without realizing it, Kartia smiled. She clutched the diary to her chest and was about to begin tidying up the mess.
Step. Step.
Several people were approaching the study.
Startled, Kartia stood up and extinguished the lantern.
Was it already too late?
The doorknob turned and the door slid open with a soft sound, flooding the room with light.
“This is the second time today.”
Kartia squinted in the sudden brightness. Standing in the doorway were the Emperor and his knights. She clutched the diary tightly to her chest.
“What a mess.”
The Emperor furrowed his brows at the overturned drawers and their spilled contents.
Then he looked straight at Kartia — and instantly noticed what she was hiding in her arms.
“Take it from her.”
“No!”
Kartia tried to run, but she was no match for the knights.
One of them grabbed her arm, and without hesitation, she bit down hard on his hand.
“Aaargh—!”
As the knight recoiled in pain, she tried to bolt again. But this time, the captain of the knights — who had been standing behind the Emperor — stepped forward.
“Princess, please calm down.”
She tried to bite again, just as before, but the captain showed no sign of pain or even a flinch.
Kartia thrashed with all her strength, but all it accomplished was causing the diary to slip from her arms and fall to the floor.
“Let go! I said LET GO!”
Her hair was a tangled mess, and her clothes were torn from the struggle.
Still, her sheer determination allowed her to break free from the captain’s grip. She curled up protectively over the fallen diary.
“This is mine! It’s not Father’s!”
“Who breaks in at this hour to steal something that belongs to them?”
“No! I came to get my things!”
Kartia hugged the diary tightly and glared at the Emperor. The knights hesitated to approach her.
Despite her small frame, the fire and stubbornness radiating from her made it impossible to act recklessly.
Between her messy hair, her heavy breathing, and those blood-red eyes, she looked wild.
“Bring them in.”
But the Emperor wasn’t moved in the slightest.
His command summoned Kartia’s personal maids and guards, who were dragged in one by one.
Forced to kneel on the ground, they either cried or closed their eyes in silence, knowing their fate.
Only Fabia looked at Kartia with concern.
“You’re a coward!”
“What use are servants who cannot protect their master?”
Kartia’s tears began to fall.
If she had known this would happen, she would have prepared better. She didn’t want anyone — anyone — to take this from her.
As an orphan who had lived in the real world as Lee Yoo-jin, this was the first item she had ever truly desired in this unfamiliar novel world.
Even if it was something meant for the Kartia she had possessed.
Because she was Kartia now. And that desire… it was only natural.
“You’re really… a coward…”
Through falling tears, she threw the diary toward the Emperor’s feet.
Without a glance at her, he picked it up as if handling a precious relic.
“That was something Mother left behind for me.”
“We’ll see when I read it.”
“Just like Father misses her… I just want to see her again too.”
The Emperor opened the cover and skimmed the first line. Then he flipped a few more pages.
Everyone held their breath.
After a moment, the Emperor let out a faint chuckle.
It was the first time Kartia had seen him smile — and it sent chills down her spine, like a crack appearing in a perfect mirror.
“So it really is yours.”
“I told you it was.”
“She left nothing for me, yet she left this for you.”
The diary dropped back at Kartia’s feet.
Shrugging off the captain’s hand, she rushed to pick it up, gently checking it for any damage.
“If the princess ever enters the Empress’s palace again, I’ll execute everyone who’s present at the time.”
Still focused on checking the diary, Kartia’s head snapped up.
“I’ll come back anyway.”
The Emperor ignored her words and turned to leave.
That was the last straw.
“I want to see her too! It’s not just you who misses her!”
Kartia rushed forward and grabbed the hem of his robe, flailing her arms. She might have even hit him, but she wasn’t in a state to realize it.
“Why won’t you let me in?! I’ll come back again!”
Was she really Kartia? Or not?
It was something she had agonized over.
The memories of Kartia’s past were so vivid, yet they weren’t hers — and that only deepened her confusion.
But after living through three lives, she knew one thing for certain:
She missed the Empress. The woman who had shown her unconditional love. That memory alone had become the most precious part of all her lives.
“Mother wasn’t just important to you!”
Like a child, she cried her heart out.
She knew the Emperor could kill her at any moment.
But what did death matter?
If you couldn’t say you missed what you missed — if you couldn’t even say you wanted to see someone again — then that wasn’t really living.
“Princess!”
Startled, the knight captain pulled Kartia into his arms to stop her.
He immediately dropped to his knees and pleaded with the Emperor.
“She is still a child. Please, just this once…”
Everyone’s faces turned pale, as if they had seen a ghost. Yet the Emperor remained expressionless.
Only Kartia sobbed in the captain’s embrace.
“Just like you miss her… I just want to see Mother again too!”
The Emperor, who had silently watched it all, turned away and walked out of the study without a word.
***
After the chaotic scene had passed, in the dead of night when everyone was asleep…
“Y-Your Majesty…”
“Leave.”
Even Fabia, who had tearfully promised not to fall asleep this time, left the room.
The Emperor sat by the bedside.
Kartia, who had cried herself to sleep all the way from the Empress’s palace to her room, stirred at the sound but kept her eyes tightly shut.
“You and I… long for the same person, do we?”
Despite his soft words, Kartia didn’t respond.
Why did it matter now, when he had acted like none of this concerned him just moments ago?
“I see. And what is it you miss so much?”
Kartia had a sudden thought.
The original novel never explained why the Emperor went mad.
Or why he killed Princess Kartia.
It merely said he lost the Empress… and slowly went insane.
“How foolish. You know nothing beyond these palace walls, and yet, you mourn so deeply.”
And so, Kartia realized something.
The Emperor had only ever loved one woman: Empress Aveline.
And losing her had driven him mad.
What must it feel like to love someone so much it destroys you?
Kartia hated him. But… she felt a tiny bit sorry for him too.
Even though his madness had caused bloodshed and cruelty, all of it stemmed from grief and despair — from a sorrow that shattered his soul.
“But don’t forget. Aveline died because of you.”
And Kartia… in his eyes, was the one to blame for that.
