Chapter 6
Alicia could feel it from his cold gaze, his bored look, and his irritated tone—she knew exactly what he was thinking.
“Your Majesty, it is an honor to have dinner with you, even if I am unworthy.”
She smiled politely and dabbed her lips with her napkin. Her calmness made him frown.
“That’s not what I meant. Don’t you have something important to tell me?”
“…I am sorry for worrying Your Majesty. My health has been poor.”
Even if a year had passed, a person could not change this much. Kaiyen leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms, eyebrows drawn together.
“Why are you acting like this?”
“…I don’t understand what you mean.”
“There must be a reason. I’ll give you five minutes—speak.”
He pulled out his watch and started counting, annoyed.
But Alicia stayed calm.
“Your Majesty, as you can see, I have been struggling so much that I’ve even forgotten table manners. Because of that, I couldn’t understand the Great Sage’s letter, so… I have nothing to tell you.”
Her clear blue eyes looked straight at him—no anger, no greed, no ambition, just calm beauty.
“…Nonsense.”
Alicia almost laughed at his confused face. In her past life, he had always been terrifying and cold. Now, he looked lost, almost boyish.
“All those long letters you sent me… You forgot them all?”
“I heard about them from the head maid, but… I don’t remember the contents.”
Alicia stood up, bowed her head, and spoke softly.
“I am sorry I am such an unworthy empress.”
To the world, the Great Sage of Rukan was a light of truth and wisdom. So no one would blame a sickly empress for not fully understanding his teachings.
“I can read and write, but… his deep words are too difficult for me to understand. I can no longer explain them to Your Majesty.”
Kaiyen gave a short laugh—surprised, but not displeased.
The woman who once only repeated Rukan’s teachings like a parrot had changed. He didn’t hate it.
“So… my empress can speak her mind.”
“I… I am honored…”
“No need to feel honored. In truth, I hated those teachings you always repeated. So this change makes me happy.”
Yes—Kaiyen’s attitude changed because Alicia herself had changed. In all those cold, distant years of marriage, they had never spent a day like this.
“Rukan’s teachings… his schemes…”
Now it all felt so simple. An emperor who hated Rukan and Rukan who ignored the emperor—how could Alicia ever have been happy between them?
“I no longer have the mind to understand Rukan’s words. I’m sorry.”
Even when he tested her, she didn’t falter. She only widened her eyes as if truly confused and watched him carefully—she had done that many times in her past life, after all.
“…I see.”
Kaiyen’s suspicion finally faded. His dark eyes softened.
“They said your life was in danger from the fever… You’ve suffered.”
His voice was still calm, but this was the first time in both their lives that he had ever encouraged her.
“Thank you, Your Majesty.”
Alicia lowered her head, hiding her face. She hadn’t expected that hearing his voice would still make her heart race.
“Also… there is something else I must ask your understanding for.”
“What is it?”
The strange feelings in her chest weren’t love—just tension, unease, and confusion. There had never been love between them.
“In this weak condition, I cannot serve you properly.”
Her cheeks were pale but still beautiful, with a healthy glow that did not look weak at all.
“If this is the kind of weakness you speak of, I rather like it.”
Kaiyen stood and stepped closer to her. She hadn’t expected that. He came so close she could feel his breath.
“All this time… I’ve remembered your face wrong.”
Before she could react, his large hand cupped her cheek. His palm was rough and calloused, yet surprisingly warm.
“You look nothing like those old men of Rukan.”
The last time he had looked at her like this was their wedding day, when he had lifted her veil and kissed her.
“I didn’t even know you had such clear blue eyes.”
He had always imagined her as some stiff, boring woman like Rukan’s elders.
“Your Majesty…”
As he came closer, Alicia instinctively stepped back and lowered her head.
“Do you dislike my rough hands?”
No matter how she changed, Kaiyen himself was still Kaiyen—still prone to his mistaken ideas.
“No, never. These are the proud hands that protected your people.”
Silence. Alicia looked up, worried she had said too much. His face had frozen.
“I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to speak so freely about Your Majesty’s hands—”
“It’s fine.”
His voice, unlike his face, was soft—warmer than she had ever heard before.
“Now that I think about it… I have not done my duty as your husband.”
She stepped back again without thinking. In her past life, she had wanted his love but never got it. Now, even if it was offered freely, she wanted nothing to do with it.
“Is that why you act distant? Because I neglected you?”
To him, the empress had always been nothing but Rukan’s puppet. A shield against nobles’ nagging him to marry.
“Yes. I neglected you. I won’t deny it.”
But now… standing before him was a young woman he had never truly seen before—elegant, beautiful, with those bright blue eyes.
“Maybe my memory was wrong… or maybe your illness changed you. Either way, everything feels different now.”
Alicia’s lips felt dry. She never imagined he would speak to her like this.
“I will rest more, as the physician said.”
“You look healthy to me.”
He was right. Her face was full of life, not weak at all.
“The doctors say I still need more care.”
If she had known he would return so soon, she might have tried to look weaker.
But her healthy glow betrayed her.
“Healthy on the outside, you mean?”
He repeated her words back in a low voice, sending chills through her.
“Yes. But they say I need more time… Please forgive me for not being able to serve you.”
She knelt slightly, then rose. Surely he would show mercy to someone still recovering.
“…Hmm.”
His eyes followed her soft hair and lashes, studying her so closely it felt like his gaze was burning her skin.
“…Cough…”
Her lips and throat were so dry from nervousness that a cough escaped. But it gave her a chance to speak.
“Your Majesty… I am still too weak to serve you.”
The cough was real. The tension of the dinner had left her throat parched.
She couldn’t even think of lying—Kaiyen was too sharp.
“I’ll order the physicians to prioritize your care.”
“Thank you, Your Majesty.”
She bowed her head. She had thought he would leave right after dinner, but he lingered—making her anxious.
“When the weather gets cold, a cough can become serious. Tomorrow I’ll send someone to check on you. Focus on resting.”
He had once asked why she acted this way. Now, she wondered the same about him.
“Why do you look at me like that?”
She realized she had been staring at him in surprise.
“…Nothing, Your Majesty.”
Not knowing what to say, she stepped back. But he followed, step by step—until she found herself by the door.
Of course, she didn’t miss that chance.
“Allow me to see Your Majesty out.”
Kaiyen paused.
“…Very well.”
“Please take care on your way.”
It would take a very bold person to stay after such a polite farewell. On the battlefield, he could cut down anyone in his way.
But faced with such grace, even he could not remain.
