Chapter 3
“Pfft.”
Noxia laughed brightly at her friend’s strong temptation: “If you come to the capital, you’ll see so many handsome men!”
But soon her laughter faded, and her eyes darkened again. She looked down at her friend’s letter with a heavy expression.
‘Can I really leave this place?’
She had never once stepped outside her village. She was just a country orphan—poor, without connections, and only a humble commoner girl.
Could she really leave this tiny world of hers and go to the dazzling capital—the very heart of the kingdom where all the newest inventions and brightest culture gathered?
Even though her village was remote, it wasn’t completely cut off. Through books, newspapers, and the stories of travelers who had returned from the outside, she had glimpsed pieces of the world beyond. She often imagined them in her mind.
She dreamed of trains that could travel faster and farther than carriages, of photographs that captured landscapes and people more vividly than paintings, and of department stores crowded with people.
She imagined the sea she had never seen, the snow-capped mountains rising like white crowns, the splendid palaces and ballrooms of the capital, and streets lit up even at night.
But could someone like her ever truly fit in there? Wouldn’t everyone see at once that she was an outsider?
Noxia hesitated. She had once been curious, adventurous, a little tomboyish—but as she grew older, that side of her had been pushed down in the name of “being mature.”
Still, it had never completely disappeared. Her curiosity and spirit of adventure, long buried by reality, now lifted their heads again. And her heart began leaning in one direction.
‘Yes… I’ll go. I’ll go to the capital—while there’s still someone there waiting for me.’
Noxia made her decision. Even just to accept her friend’s kindness, she had to go at least once. And if she could find a new purpose in that bigger world…
‘Maybe… I could stay there for good.’
With hope in her heart, she picked up her pen. After long hesitation, she began her reply.
Letter to Karnen:
Dear Kali,
I suppose it’s time I answered your question. You asked when I’ll come to see you in the capital. I think… I’ll be coming soon, Kali.
It’s already been over three years since we last saw each other. At this rate, we’ll forget each other’s faces—though of course, I’d recognize you right away the moment I see you again.
Before I leave, I’ll need some time to put things in order. Even though I’ve decided to go, it may take longer than you expect.
If I’m going all the way there, I’d like to stay for a while. That means I’ll need to find work and a place to live. Could you help me with that? I don’t know anything about prices or opportunities in the capital.
Also, I need to wrap up my responsibilities here first. I’ll have to find someone to care for the younger children in my place, and say farewell to everyone. I hope you can understand.
But don’t worry, I’ll try to finish everything as quickly as possible and decide on a departure date. Thank you for not forgetting me and waiting all this time. I’m already looking forward to your next letter.
Let’s meet again soon.
With love,
Your precious friend,
Noxia
P.S. — Of course the capital must have more handsome men! It’s only natural—the population there is so much bigger than here in the countryside.
Noxia sent the letter with excitement, dreaming of finally reuniting with her best friend after three long years.
But fate had other plans.
A sudden tragedy struck—her beloved orphanage head, the person she trusted like her own mother, died in an accident.
The old woman had been frail but still lively and sharp-minded, so no one expected her sudden death. While climbing a ladder to reach a spice jar, she slipped, fell, and struck her head. By the time she was found, it was too late.
The funeral was full of shock and confusion. The villagers, who had respected her greatly, could hardly process it.
To Noxia, it felt unreal. Just days ago, she had spoken with the woman, laughing together. And now she was gone—without even a goodbye.
Her heart broke. For the first time, Noxia truly felt the pain of losing someone close to her.
When the coffin was lowered into the ground, she finally burst into tears. She shoved aside the comforting hands of the villagers and ran blindly, dressed in black, until she collapsed in the fields outside the village.
There, she wept and wept—like the little girl she once was when Karnen had left. But this was worse. Her friend in the capital could still be reached by letter, but how could she ever write to the dead?
The pastor said the orphanage head had gone to heaven. But Noxia wasn’t sure.
‘No one really knows. What if there’s nothing after death?’
Terrified by the thought that she might never see her again, Noxia curled up on the grass, sobbing until her eyes burned and her voice cracked.
Then—
“Don’t cry.”
A low whisper.
“Please, don’t cry.”
Arms wrapped around her. A man held her close, his body warm, his embrace steady. His voice broke with pain.
“Please don’t cry, don’t be sad. You must be happy—at least in this life…”
Through swollen eyes, Noxia tried to see his face. Black hair. Deep blue eyes. A face both sorrowful and beautiful, gazing at her with desperate care.
She wanted to ask: Who are you? Why do you hold me like this? Why do you look at me with such grief?
But before she could speak, exhaustion overtook her. Or perhaps the man willed her into sleep.
As she fainted in his arms, he kissed her forehead softly.
“Please… heal. Don’t cry anymore.”
And, like before, he whispered his strange farewell:
“Forget me again.”
Noxia woke hours later in her bed at the orphanage. She didn’t remember how she got there. Her friends explained:
“You came back right after the funeral, crying. You must’ve just fallen asleep here in your room.”
“Poor Noxia, you must be in such shock… you don’t even remember?”
Their words confused her. But she accepted them. Maybe her grief had simply erased her memories.
And perhaps that was for the best. If the pain was too much to remember, forgetting was a small mercy.
Another year passed.
By the time Noxia turned eighteen, she had begun to heal. Though the sorrow never fully left her, she had learned to live with it.
And now, it was time to fulfill the promise she had made to both herself and her friend.
She wrote again to Karnen, who arranged a place for her to stay in the capital. With her friend’s reply in hand, Noxia packed her bags and bought a train ticket.
On the day of her departure, all her village friends came to the station to see her off.
“Goodbye, Noxia!”
“Don’t forget us!”
“Send letters when you arrive!”
“I will. Thank you all. I’ll miss you so much.”
She hugged each of them in turn, smiling through her tears.
The train whistle blew. Noxia boarded with her heavy suitcase.
“Goodbye, Noxia!”
“Take care!”
The doors closed. The train began to move.
From the window, Noxia watched as the station, her village, and the familiar green fields slowly disappeared into the distance.
This was her new beginning.
