Chapter 10
<If you go back one more time, come find me.>
Huh. As if I would.
“Go back one more time,” he says.
Sounds like he left that note fully convinced I’d regress again.
The nerve. Did he really think I’d fall for it just because he left a message like that?
I’m someone who wants nothing to do with Raphel Winters. No—more precisely, I don’t even want to spit in the direction he walked.
There’s only one thing I want.
To get out of this damn world.
Only by returning to my original world can I see my parents again. There’s something I still haven’t asked them. I have to go back to confirm it—no matter what.
When I squeezed my eyes shut, that day’s memories resurfaced vividly.
—
[Grace, honey! Did you get Eunhye out into the small room?!]
[Yeah, I’m holding her! You get out too—quickly!]
—
I still remember it with horrifying clarity.
My mom and dad’s desperate voices, shouting in panic. The thick smoke that wrapped around me. The black smoke and roaring flames had never once faded from my memories. The moment I thought of them, they dragged me straight back to that day, that instant.
I shook my head hard and forced myself back into the present.
Clenching my fist, I dug my nails into my palm, leaving crescent-shaped marks.
This is reality now.
I have to go back. Mom and Dad must be waiting for me. If they know I died, they’ll be—definitely, definitely—heartbroken.
…There’s no way all those years of love were fake.
I forced away the stray thoughts rising again and calmly organized my mind.
Since I seemed to keep regressing whenever I died, the answer was simple: I had to survive. Endure without dying.
Until Raphel turned the Empire into a sea of flames and the novel ended.
So there was no reason to deliberately cross paths with the male lead.
What if I gave Raphel some pointless hope and my screen time increased even more?
The manuscript the author gave me, ≪If You’ve Drawn a Sword, You Might as Well Take a Head≫, was 220 chapters long.
The male lead’s title conferment ceremony happened around two-thirds into the story, so if I just endured a little longer, it would be over.
After returning to the temple, I began planning my escape again.
Running away secretly from a fortress-like temple was impossible.
The only chance was to slip away while outside the temple for a purification prayer—deceiving the holy knights and fleeing.
If possible, it’d be best to go far out to the outskirts of the city. Even a little more distance would buy me time.
Fortunately, the next purification prayer assignment was to a village near the harbor.
I unfolded the map I always kept hidden between the pages of the scriptures of Moandalla that I carried close to my chest.
It was one of the gifts Paul, the temple’s head chef, had given me.
That old man, who’d sent his children far away to study abroad, doted on me as if I were his own daughter.
—
[Apples from the Avanne region taste the best.]
[Where is Avanne?]
[You don’t know—ah… well, I suppose.]
—
Everyone already knew how Shuana, rumored to be a baron’s illegitimate child, had grown up.
Paul looked at me with a brief, pitying gaze, then pulled out a map and spread it open.
—
[Here, this is Avanne. And next to it, Vinist sends dried persimmons every fall. If you make steak sauce with them, it’s unbelievably good.]
[Wow. What’s this black part here?]
[…Don’t tell me you don’t know what the sea is.]
[The sea?]
—
I stared at Paul with wide eyes.
—
[I know what it is! But I heard the sea is blue and wavy. This just looks like black paint.]
—
Paul chuckled and lightly tapped my head.
—
[You can’t exactly draw waves on a map, can you? And to be precise, this is a deep blue.]
—
Perhaps I looked pitiful, unable even to read a map. Paul kindly explained different parts of it to me.
—
[Look carefully, Shuana. This is the temple we’re in now. If you ride for about a week in this direction, you’ll reach the harbor town of Floriana.]
[A harbor town…]
[That’s where my sons boarded ships and left to study.]
[Wow, that’s amazing. What makes ships move?]
[The wind.]
[…The wind. The wind Moandalla-nim pushes with His hand.]
[That’s right.]
—
Paul laughed out loud, rubbing his patchy beard.
With hands marked by countless knife scars, he roughly ruffled my hair.
—
[Someday, you’ll cross the sea too, Shuana.]
[Even though I’m a saintess?]
[Of course. This world’s crawling with evil spirits, isn’t it? With your faith, your divine power might overflow someday. You could end up like the High Saintess, going on foreign expeditions.]
[Wow. I’ll work hard!]
—
I clenched my fists and let my eyes sparkle.
Or rather, I pretended to.
I must have looked like a naive girl—one who’d been locked away in an attic without even basic education, then taught nothing but religious doctrine at the temple.
That day, Paul gifted me the map and left.
Perhaps it hurt his heart to see me secretly unfolding maps and imagining myself going somewhere beyond the temple.
(Of course, that’s exactly what I was aiming for.)
Paul brought me all kinds of maps.
Maps of the capital. Maps of the surrounding areas. Enlarged maps of specific villages.
He even gifted me an encyclopedia filled with general knowledge.
There was a library in the temple, but it contained nothing about the outside world—no common knowledge, no current events. There weren’t even novels or fairy tales.
Something about how such things could corrupt the heart.
This damn temple library held nothing but doctrine.
Each time Paul brought a new map, I acted excited like a child.
—
[Look, Paul! There’s a huge, tall rock here. If it’s this high, don’t you think it could reach Moandalla-nim?]
[Oh! You can read contour lines now! You must’ve studied hard!]
[I thought prayers might reach better from higher up.]
[Ha! Moandalla-nim hears your voice even if you’re in the lowest, darkest place in the world. And this rock mountain isn’t that tall.]
[Really?]
[Yes. Look at this map I brought today. See here—Franhof Mountain. This is the tallest mountain in the world.]
[Woooow!]
[Shh, shh! Someone might hear. You’ve already come of age and you’re a senior saintess now—what are we going to do if you don’t know how the world works, you little brat.]
—
When we were alone, Paul didn’t treat me like a senior saintess. He teased me like a neighborhood kid.
And I showed him exactly the version of myself he wanted to see.
—
[Heehee. I can just stay in the temple and play with you, Paul. I’m so happy now—praying and delivering Moandalla’s words to the people.]
[…I’ve never seen a child this kind and free of greed.]
—
He’d been married, raised children, earned money doing what he wanted. Of course he’d find me pitiful.
Someone who’d spent her entire life locked away.
So pity me more. Look down on me even more.
Just until I escape safely.
Before I knew it, the maps Paul had given me filled an entire drawer.
Afraid someone might discover them, I pried up a single floor tile, dug beneath it, and hid the maps inside.
—
And at last, the day of the next purification prayer arrived.
