Chapter 23

The heat disappeared. The hot air that felt like it would burn my throat was gone, but I still couldn’t breathe.

“Ah, ugh, uuuu….”

The groan brought me back to my senses. I snapped out of it and looked down into my arms. No.

“Marie, Marie….”

“Ugh, ah, ha, huff. My lady….”

“Marie, what do I do, what do I do. No….”

It was all red blood.

The sticky blood soaked Marie’s small body completely and kept pouring out. At this rate, Marie might dry up completely. With trembling hands, I touched Marie’s thin body. Thin, small body. She had felt so big to me, but now she was too small… and cold.

Marie curled up and shook. Blood was pouring from her arm, which was now short and blunt.

The place where her thin but strong arm should’ve been was empty.

Her arm was gone. The blood wouldn’t stop.

My mind went blank. I had to stop the bleeding. But I couldn’t touch her easily—it felt like I’d hurt her more. Holding Marie’s trembling body close, I lifted my head.

Someone.

“What do I do, what do I do. Someone, someone please, h-help…. hic.”

Someone save Marie. Please.

I’ll do anything.

“Calm down, Florence!”

“Huff, huff, sob!”

Someone hit my back hard. Air rushed into my lungs.

My vision puffed up like a bubble. Tears started streaming down. Through the clearing blur, I saw a familiar face. Bright blond hair, pretty purple eyes, a man with a beautiful face. He wasn’t smiling like I remembered, but to me, he looked like a god. Keith. I grabbed his arm and begged. Please.

“Save her, save her, Keith. Marie, Marie….”

“I know. Calm down. Marie, look here.”

Keith pushed me back and checked on Marie. I was pushed away a little, but I couldn’t let go of Marie’s remaining hand. If I let go, it felt like I’d lose her forever. Maybe because of the pain, Marie squeezed my hand like it was a towel. Her overgrown nails dug into my skin, but I was glad.

I knew how powerful it was to hold on to something in pain.

Because I once desperately wished someone would hold my hand during the times I had to endure everything alone. I couldn’t let go.

And the strength with which she gripped me felt like her life.

Her face was beyond pale—it was turning blue. The warm, fishy-smelling blood was cooling fast. It wouldn’t have been surprising if she died any moment now, but she was still holding my hand.

Keith spoke firmly.

“Breathe. She’s alive. We can save her.”

He said it as if telling Marie and me both.

Marie bit her lips and held back her cries. Even with her arm cut off, she couldn’t scream. Only groaned a little.

“Ah, aah!”

“It’s okay, Marie. Now, close your eyes. You can rest….”

Keith bit open a small glass bottle and poured it into Marie’s mouth. Marie, who had been gasping, let out a deep breath. Her grip loosened a little. I held her hand just as tightly as before.

Keith mumbled something while holding Marie’s arm. Light soaked into the wound.

“…Phew. It’ll be okay now.”

Keith let go of Marie. I didn’t miss the chance and clung to her again. The bleeding had stopped. She wasn’t crying anymore… she was breathing properly. I laid Marie’s little head on my lap and shut my eyes tight.

Her arm was still gone. Keith, reading where I was looking, spoke.

“I think the arm was left behind. If it had been here, maybe I could’ve reattached it….”

“Thank you… Thank you, Keith. Thank you.”

“…Thank her, not me. She’s the one who brought you here.”

But Keith was still the one who saved me.

Tears kept falling, blurring his face, but I could tell he didn’t look good. His torn clothes had blood on them—not just Marie’s. His face, stained with soot, looked twisted. Keith reached out and tapped my head.

“If Marie hadn’t distracted them, I’d be dead too. I heard the captain was strong, but not this strong….”

“Thank you, thank you for saving me….”

Marie.

“Stop. Florence, you’re not thinking straight right now.”

“…How can I… stay sane?”

Marie. Marie, I’m sorry.

Sleeping Marie looked peaceful. Keith had healed me too, even though I was about to die just a while ago. But even though I still had all my limbs, Marie, this girl who was smaller and younger than me, had lost her left arm forever.

It was because of me.

“It was because of me.”

How many people died?

“Linus set the street on fire just to find me.”

“…”

“It’s my fault, Keith. Because of me….”

“I’m the one who put you there.”

“If I had just gone out sooner, Marie would be fine. No one would’ve died. If I had just let Lila Green kill me, the streets wouldn’t have burned….”

“…”

“Marie. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Marie….”

Keith let out a long sigh. He quietly watched me cry while holding Marie.

“Even if you can’t hear me right now, Florence.”

Keith roughly brushed back his hair.

“I underestimated how obsessed the captain was.”

“…”

“I was thinking about what to do with you. I thought I had more time—that was another mistake.”

His voice sounded bitter. I looked away from Marie and up at him. He looked tired, and his eyes were full of emotions.

“If people died, that’s the captain’s crime. But if you did anything wrong too…”

“…”

“Then you and I are accomplices.”

Keith reached out. I didn’t close my eyes even as his hand covered my face, my eyes. His hand didn’t scare me like Linus’s hand did.

“At least, it’s not all your fault.”

Tears that had been held back fell. With the hand that wasn’t holding Marie’s, I grabbed his big hand over my eyes. Keith’s voice seemed to stick in my ears. He said:

“Stop thinking, Florence.”

“…”

“Stop everything.”

“…”

“Don’t think alone. Share the blame.”

“…”

“You’re not alone.”

I was always alone.

There was never a time when I wasn’t.

Keith’s hand was warm. It felt like fire, but I didn’t want to pull away. Keith saved me. He rescued me. So sharing the blame with him didn’t feel right.

I thought, This is all because of me.

But how could I deny it? I took a shallow breath.

Marie’s weight on my lap, the smoky smell stuck to me, the stinging heat still on my skin, Keith’s voice, his hand. Was I losing judgment with all these tears? I wished it were all a dream.

But even so, I hoped at least what Keith said—that I wasn’t alone—was real.

I’d only met them ten days ago. They didn’t have to help me at all. I had nothing to give back. Nothing I could do.

But because of me, because they were kind to me, everything twisted.

I’m sorry, Keith.

Marie, I’m sorry.

“Go to sleep, Florence.”

It sounded like a spell.

Even as I closed my eyes, I kept saying sorry.

“I’m sorry.”