NRAL | Chapter 76 – Novelish Universe Translations

~Chapter 76~

If This Is Love

As the rich folds of Eleanor’s dress lifted, her pale ankle became visible.

Caught off guard by the sudden exposure, Karsian was clearly flustered. His large frame stiffened, and his eyes darted around, unsure where to look.

But as the skirt continued to rise, revealing her thin legs one by one, his expression began to shift drastically.

When Nora’s scratch marks on her knee came into view, his face turned pale. And when the scars and wounds covering her thigh were revealed, the whites of his eyes became bloodshot.

“…Who did this?”

After trembling all over for a moment, Karsian raised his voice sharply.

“Who did this to you?!”

He rarely raised his voice, so for him to yell like this meant her legs must truly be in a terrible state.

And understandably so. Her thighs were marked with red lines, swollen scars, and oozing wounds—it was bizarre even in her own eyes.

“…You always speak of me as if I’m some noble, pure person. But as you can see, I’m not someone who deserves that kind of treatment.”

Eleanor didn’t answer his question. She simply pointed out her reality to him.

She looked up and met Karsian’s gaze again.

His clenched jaw, the thick veins on his neck, the rise and fall of his chest, the muscles in his arms—all of it screamed with anger.

Why was he so angry? As if trying to understand, Eleanor studied his face. His red eyes trembled intensely, capturing her attention.

“Even after seeing all this… will you still love me?”

Oh no. Her voice trembled without her meaning it to. She bit her lip and tried to look composed.

Karsian didn’t answer right away.

His dry lips parted and closed a few times, as if trying to suppress a rising volcano of emotion.

The silence wasn’t long, but to Eleanor, it felt eternal.

Was this finally when his feelings changed? Judging by his contorted expression, it seemed possible.

In that silence, her heart pounded loudly in her ears, and her breath grew short.

Finally, Karsian spoke.

“…I’m sorry. For judging you on my own, and jumping to conclusions.”

Thud. Her heart sank.

The answer to her question—if he could still love her—was an apology. That truth struck her chest painfully.

‘I knew this would happen.’

She had known it. That his talk of “forever” couldn’t possibly mean forever. That even his seemingly unwavering sincerity would change one day—she had known.

She’d even exposed her scars in the hope of such a reaction. And yet, the emptiness and ache that filled her chest were unexpected.

“I saw you fighting for revenge. I saw you scared and trembling… and still, I didn’t realize. To me, you were so precious, I just assumed others treated you that way too. Narrow-minded and foolish of me.”

But then his words took an unexpected turn.

“…The reason I treasured you was never because of your title or your name.”

Eleanor saw something familiar in Karsian’s eyes as he looked at her.

A gaze filled with respect and desperate love—one that looked at something endlessly precious and admirable.

That gaze alone made her heart overflow.

And finally, she understood. She hadn’t shown him her pain to test if his love would change.

She had shown him because she hoped it wouldn’t change, no matter what.

“Your voice, your smile, your jokes, even the way you look at things… All of that—your entire existence—is beautiful and precious to me. I couldn’t help but treasure you.”

Every word he spoke tickled her heart.

To be loved not for her status or background, but for simply existing—it was like something out of a fairy tale. And yet, his words shook her reality all over again.

“I’m sorry… that I couldn’t be there for you when you were hurting—”

His deep voice trembled slightly. She stared blankly at his eyes.

And then, she saw something surprising.

“Truly… I’m sorry.”

His eyes, burning with anger and regret, looked as if he might cry at any moment. No—it wasn’t just the look. His long lashes were wet. It really was tears.

Tears, from Karsian.

It felt so unreal that Eleanor thought she must be imagining it.

But even after blinking, his eyes were still red and teary.

All over something so “trivial” as not having helped her back when they hadn’t even spoken to each other.

“…Karsian.”

Eleanor spoke without meaning to.

A fleeting thought that popped into her head escaped from her lips before she could stop it.

“Do you love me?”

She had always believed there was a clear difference between liking someone and loving them.

Karsian slowly raised his head.

His tear-filled eyes shimmered faintly.

“…I don’t really know what love is,” he said.

With a face that looked suffocated by love, he said he didn’t understand it.

He didn’t just nod and pretend—his response showed how sincere he was.

“I was born lowly, and I didn’t grow up receiving my parents’ affection. Maybe that’s why I’m inexperienced with even ordinary emotions, and there’s a lot I don’t understand. Love is one of them.”

In his self-examining honesty, Eleanor saw a reflection of herself. She, too, hadn’t grown up loved. She was also unfamiliar with emotions others considered ordinary.

But there was one clear difference.

“…But if love is thinking of someone constantly, feeling like your chest will burst when you see their smile, and feeling as if your whole body is being torn apart when they’re in pain…”

Karsian didn’t hide his emotions.

Unlike Eleanor, who always tried to keep her feelings in, he always laid his heart bare.

No exaggeration. No hesitation. Just honest, pure sincerity.

“Then yes, I’ve loved you—hundreds of times over.”

“…”

“And I still do.”

In that moment, Eleanor knew.

Even far in the future, long after time had passed, she would never forget this confession.

Even if one day he stopped loving her…

She would still remember this version of him.

And she’d remember it as something precious and special.

“…I’ve thought this for a while now, but you’re kind of unfair,” she muttered.

Sly like a fox. Eleanor added with a playful grumble.

“…Me? Am I unfair?”

“Yes. You, Karsian.”

He looked completely confused. Eleanor scoffed.

How unfair was it?

To confess with words sweeter than any marriage proposal while pretending not to care about her feelings in return. Saying he wasn’t worthy, giving such ridiculous excuses.

What she wanted to say was this:

That he made her heart flutter.

That he made her hope for things she shouldn’t.

That out of all the men she had ever met, he was the most admirable and kind—and the only one who had ever truly valued her as she was.

That she, too, had fallen for him.

And so, he should stop talking about “what he deserves” or “what’s appropriate.”

She wanted to forget all her burdens and just say it.

But there was too much she still had to deal with.

“Hey, sis. You know the meat pie you ate today? Wanna guess what kind of meat it was? It was made from that little dog you adored. How was it—tasty?”

Damian’s voice echoed in her mind.

When he said the pie was made from the dog she loved—Oliver—Eleanor had vomited over and over.

After she had thrown up everything in her stomach, even bile, Damian had laughed and said he was just joking. She couldn’t hold back and punched him in the face.

“You hit the heir over a dog? Butler! Lock this disrespectful girl in her room. Don’t give her even a piece of bread for three days. That’ll teach her her place!”

Then the Duke of Astria shouted furiously.

She was locked in a dark room again, starving for days.

Back then, she had been close to death, yet didn’t even feel hungry.

Her stomach kept churning. Even days later, the nausea wouldn’t stop—because she had truly believed she’d eaten Oliver.

“That’s not what misfortune is. Wearing a pretty dress and crying because your dad scolded you isn’t misfortune. Crying over a dead dog isn’t either.”

Nora’s voice echoed too, from just hours ago.

The ghosts of Astria returned, one by one, to drag Eleanor back to reality.

Misery spreads easily. Negative emotions, even more so.

Because she knew that truth, she held back her sudden surge of emotion and smiled playfully at Karsian.

“You let me call you by name, but you still keep calling me ‘Lady Astria.’ That’s what makes you unfair.”

“Ah… that…”

“Karsian, you said you were sorry for not helping me when I was struggling.”

Eleanor slowly reached out her hand.

Tap. Her fingertip gently touched the back of his large hand.

The same hand that had shielded her from the sunlight.

The memory made her smile, despite herself.

I have someone on my side now.