#60. Growth (3)
“Hah!”
Pavel bolted upright in bed, clutching his forehead and gasping for breath.
The dream had been so vivid, he could hardly distinguish it from reality.
“So… just now, Sasha…”
He muttered in a hoarse voice, recalling the dream.
In it, Sasha had drawn close and reached for him.
Her slender arms wrapped around him, pulling him into her warm embrace. Pavel had frozen, barely able to breathe.
And then—
“Stop!”
Shaken, Pavel realized he was alone, in the dimness of his own bedroom.
The “Sasha in the dream,” the one who had endangered him, was gone.
“What kind of dream was that?!”
Furious, he slammed his fist against the mattress hard enough to make it thud, but the heat inside him wouldn’t settle.
The fire raging in his chest spread up into his face, burning hot.
His whole body felt feverish, and he fanned the collar of his shirt.
“Haa…”
Sighing, he glanced at the damp sheets—and at the strange change below his waist.
“Damn it.”
Cursing, Pavel tilted his head back, glaring at the ceiling.
But even in the empty air, Sasha’s face—no, the “dream Sasha”—floated before his eyes.
“Ugh!”
He shut his eyes in alarm.
Yet her bright smile remained etched on his eyelids as if carved there.
“What the hell…”
Grinding his teeth, Pavel sank deep into thought.
Why am I having dreams like this?!
Lately, even being around Sasha left him feeling strange, unable to act normal.
He couldn’t even pretend to be unaffected, and his awkwardness only left her looking hurt.
He knew that. Yet he still couldn’t treat her as before.
Not because he didn’t want to—but because he couldn’t.
Everything about her was a trigger.
The smallest gestures sharpened his nerves and sent his heart into chaos.
Her mere presence filled him with strange thoughts and impulses he didn’t understand.
So he avoided her.
If he acted as before, he feared he might do something reckless.
And now, to top it off, such a disturbing dream.
…Though, truthfully, it hadn’t felt disturbing.
To be exact, he couldn’t even tell if it had been pleasant or unpleasant.
The tangled mess of emotions was something he had never experienced before.
That made it even more dangerous.
At this rate, I might never be able to look Sasha in the eye again.
He jumped up and strode to the window.
Swish!
He yanked the curtains aside and threw open the window. The cool night air poured in.
Pavel shut his eyes, breathing deeply.
“…”
Focusing on the crisp air, he tried to think of anything else. Gradually, the haze in his mind cleared.
He hated how things had been lately.
How he kept avoiding Sasha.
How she looked crestfallen because of him.
And the gnawing fear that they might never be close again.
Finally, he reached a conclusion.
He couldn’t just let this continue.
He had to find a way to break free.
Yet despite his resolve, Pavel couldn’t find a solution.
He still bristled whenever he saw Sasha.
His body stiffened, his movements awkward.
His eyes strayed to strange places, and he forced himself to stare into empty space instead.
And every night, the impossible dreams returned.
A Sasha who wasn’t Sasha haunted him in his sleep, tormenting him endlessly.
Awake or asleep, he had no peace. His condition worsened.
“Pull yourself together!”
Thwack!
Too weary from sleeplessness, Pavel failed to dodge Sergei’s strike.
“Urgh!”
The heavy blow sent him flying, crashing against the stone wall in a cloud of dust.
He exhaled in frustration.
I can’t go on like this.
And he wasn’t the only one thinking that.
“Is something wrong with you?”
Sergei’s stern face was clouded with concern.
He had privately thought his student was remarkable—unlike most youths these days.
The boy endured harsh training without complaint, showing diligence and perseverance.
But recently, something had changed.
Dark circles ringed his eyes, and he often seemed weak and unsteady.
Now his poor condition was affecting lessons.
Where once he could easily block such attacks, today he had been sent sprawling.
“At this rate, we can’t continue. If you’re too distracted to even care for your own body, keeping you here will only lead to a funeral. Tch.”
“Master.”
“I don’t know what your problem is, but fix it. Quickly.”
Listening silently to the stern rebuke, Pavel finally replied.
“Yes. I’ll take care of it.”
The sword lesson ended on a sour note.
As he left the training hall, Pavel rubbed the dark smudges beneath his eyes.
Even Master can tell I’m in terrible shape.
Dragging his feet, he decided he had to talk to someone.
Keeping it bottled up would only make things worse.
But who?
Pavel’s circle was small.
He spoke to very few people, and fewer still were close enough to confide in.
After much thought, he eliminated one name after another.
First, Sergei himself—impossible.
To Pavel, he was a strict, intimidating teacher. They never spoke of anything but swordsmanship, and Pavel had no wish to mention his physical troubles. He didn’t want to seem like a weak student.
Next, Andrei Medvedev.
Absolutely not.
Andrei’s steady character made him a good listener.
But when it came to Sasha—even if it was only Pavel’s own feelings—he absolutely didn’t want to share anything with him. Never.
Sasha’s aides? Her friends? Out of the question.
If word reached her ears… the thought alone was unbearable.
One by one, he ruled them out—until only one option remained.
“…Not exactly reliable, but…”
He wasn’t knightly at all—flighty as a feather, lacking any gravitas.
Still, when it came to women, no one seemed more knowledgeable.
So Pavel went to find that person.
“So…”
After hearing the full story, Nikolai’s lips twitched.
“So our young master has been avoiding our young lady lately because… pfft!”
He tried to speak, but laughter kept spilling out until he couldn’t hold it back.
“Pwahahaha!”
The booming laughter made Pavel’s eyes narrow into sharp slits.
“Shut it. Don’t laugh.”
He didn’t know why, but being laughed at infuriated him.
He knew that particular laugh—it was the one Nikolai used when treating him like a child, finding him “cute.”
Normally, Nikolai would sober up quickly at such a warning.
But now, unable to contain himself, he doubled over.
“Ahahaha!”
“I said shut it!”
Wham!
Pavel punched him hard in the stomach.
“Ugh—ha! But… pfft! Hahaha!”
Despite the pain, Nikolai kept laughing, as if his lungs were full of air.
“Stop.”
Wham!
“I said stop!”
Wham!
Not until his belly was bruised did Nikolai finally manage to halt his laughter, tears streaming from his eyes.
“Khuhuhu…”
He wiped them away, cleared his throat.
“Ahem. Alright, alright.”
“…”
Pavel glared, his face twisted in irritation.
Nikolai thumped his chest, feigning seriousness.
“You came to the right man. I know exactly why you’ve been experiencing these… strange symptoms.”
Pavel didn’t answer immediately, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.
The boy’s distrustful stare burned, but Nikolai wasn’t intimidated in the least.
Not when the matter was so amusing.
He almost grinned again. So damn cute.
Biting back laughter, he steadied his expression.
After a long pause, Pavel finally decided he wasn’t joking and asked,
“So what’s the reason?”
Nikolai drew it out for a moment.
He wanted to tease more, but Pavel’s grave face sobered him.
Planting his hands on his hips, he considered.
“Hmm… how should I put this…”
“Just say it. No tricks.”
“Tricks? Master Pavel, you wound me.”
“Out with it.”
“Alright, alright. The reason is—”
Struggling to keep a straight face, Nikolai announced, like a judge passing sentence:
“Our young master… has become a man.”
“…What?”
Pavel blinked, dumbfounded.
Leaning closer, Nikolai explained in a sly tone.
“What I mean is…”
Whisper, whisper.
He leaned in and murmured a very private, very important truth into Pavel’s ear.
It was the story of how a boy becomes a man.
Much later—
“…Ha.”
After hearing Nikolai’s expert lecture, Pavel felt as though his entire world had turned upside down.
Ah puberty 😂