#142. Someone’s Memory (2)
Sasha walked deeper inside, feeling a strange emotion.
She passed a swamp where she had lived and died as a frog, the forest home from when she was an elf, and even a place with only a cradle from a life where she died as a baby. Finally, she reached her first life.
‘That’s right. In my first life, I was a king. Not a tyrant or a saint, just an ordinary king whose name is barely remembered in history. I lived comfortably, did my work, and died young—before I reached middle age.’
Sasha stared in wonder at the huge palace, which stood in stark contrast to the empty plot next to it.
It was strange to think there was a time she’d called this place home.
‘Come to think of it, my first life was also in this world. I’ve been reborn here so many times. Maybe it’s fate. Did it start because my first life was here?’
Her last life was on Earth, but this world was where she’d lived most often.
Because of that, she’d gotten a lot of help from her past memories—healing Pavel, using magic and spirit arts, her knowledge of artifacts and antiques, and quickly adapting to her duties as head of the family.
‘Huh?’
As she passed by the palace holding her first life’s memories, Sasha stopped in her tracks.
A half-transparent barrier, like a magical shield, blocked her path.
‘Was this always here?’
She studied the barrier carefully.
Just in case, she picked up a small pebble and threw it at the barrier. It bounced off with a dull thud.
It didn’t seem dangerous, so she reached out her hand. The barrier trembled.
But that was all. Sasha couldn’t get through.
The barrier kept vibrating, almost as if saying she couldn’t go any further.
But then—
‘It’s cracking.’
Sasha squinted. She wasn’t seeing things. Where her palm touched, cracks began to appear.
‘Should I force it open? Or just let it break on its own?’
She wondered what was beyond it.
She had thought this was the very end, the edge of her memory palace. But she could just barely make out space beyond the barrier.
What could possibly be over there?
‘Maybe… memories from a life I can’t remember…?’
Then, suddenly:
[-Ah, finally.]
A small voice came from beyond the barrier.
The sound of the voice was drowned out by the barrier’s vibration, but Sasha was sure she heard someone speaking.
She held her breath and listened closely.
[You’ve finally come looking for me.]
The voice didn’t sound human—it rang straight into her mind.
‘Wait. I know this voice. Where have I heard it before? When was it?’
Suddenly, Sasha remembered.
‘Right, at the magic fair in Kalita. I helped a magician, touched an old book he gave me…’
All at once, a wave of fear rushed over her.
‘How could I have forgotten something like that until now?’
She was proud of her memory. Thanks to her memory palace technique, she could recall everything—even dozens of past lives.
But this time…
‘How could I have completely forgotten something from just a few months ago?’
It was as if someone had plucked that memory out of her mind.
‘That book… where is it?’
As Sasha grew anxious and tried to leave the memory palace to search for clues in the real world, the voice continued.
[You already know, don’t you? The seal is breaking.]
The voice spoke on its own, ignoring her confusion.
[If what I am holding back is released, the world will be destroyed.]
‘What are you talking about? Who are you? What are you holding back? The world destroyed—how could that be possible…?’
No matter how she tried to respond, the voice kept whispering.
[Last time, you gave me the blessing of forgetfulness. What will you offer this time in exchange?]
As the words entered her ears, Sasha’s vision turned black.
***
“…Miss? Miss Sasha!”
“Huh!”
Sasha snapped her eyes open, gasping for breath.
“Are you all right?”
Nina was looking at her with concern.
“Oh, uh… I just…”
“You’ve been working so late these days. Maybe you should take a short nap?” Nina suggested gently.
As Sasha listened, she blankly looked around. She was sitting at her desk in her office.
“Did I fall asleep?”
When Sasha asked, Nina hesitated, then nodded.
“Yes, you nodded off and almost collapsed forward.”
“Really? I guess I did fall asleep.”
Sasha frowned. But something felt off.
‘Just before I fell asleep, I feel like I learned something shocking…’
But she couldn’t quite remember what it was.
“Hmm.”
Sasha closed her eyes, trying to recall.
She’d wandered through her memory palace looking for information, then taken a short break to walk around.
She’d gone deeper and deeper and then…
“Ugh.”
Suddenly, her head hurt. Sasha clutched her head and curled up.
“Miss Sasha!”
Nina rushed to her side, worried.
“Should I call the doctor?”
“…No, it’s all right.”
Sasha gently waved her off. There was no need for a doctor.
“But what’s going on? Is it already time for tea?”
“Oh! Actually, a letter arrived from the frozen land. Here it is.”
Nina hurriedly brought the letter over.
“I happened to be nearby when the letter arrived at the castle, and the butler was busy, so I brought it instead. I wanted to get it to you as quickly as possible.”
Nina explained why she was delivering the letter herself.
She knew how much Sasha was waiting for a letter from Pavel, so she wanted to bring it right away.
“Thank you, Nina.”
On the silver tray, several envelopes were stacked.
Sasha checked each envelope and opened the one from Pavel first.
She tore it open with trembling hands and saw Pavel’s familiar handwriting—finally, answers to all her worries.
Pavel wrote that their plan had gone smoothly, Gregory was dead by his hand, and the war was over.
“Thank goodness.”
Relieved at last, Sasha read the last line—he was on his way back to Bellicordo Castle—over and over, before finally setting the letter down.
There were still more letters on the tray.
One was from Igor, but Sasha didn’t need to check; it would be a formal report for the acting head of the family.
Pavel’s letters were always detailed and formal, the kind she received every month, so it wasn’t surprising.
But then she saw something she hadn’t expected.
“Why did Sir Nikolai send a letter?”
It was the first time she’d ever received a letter from Nikolai.
Curious, Sasha opened the envelope.
Inside were a short note and another envelope.
“Why put an envelope inside another envelope?”
She picked up the top note first.
To Madam.
His Grace asked me to send this for him.
He actually left this with me just in case something happened.
Now that he’s safe, I shouldn’t be sending it, but I just have this feeling that you really need to read it.
So…
P.S. He said I had to give it to you personally, but I thought that might be too late.
If His Grace gets angry for not following orders, could you please forgive me?
From Nikolai.
Sasha frowned as she read the short, almost casual note.
“What’s this? Why would Pavel leave a letter just in case something happened?”
Feeling uneasy, Sasha quickly tore open the second envelope.
To my beloved Sasha.
Written clearly under her name on the envelope.
Open this if I am gone for a long time.
Why did he write something like that?
Her hands shook as she tried to steady herself and open the envelope.
But as soon as she read the opening lines, she froze in shock.
The letter, in Pavel’s handwriting, was short but powerful.
If you’re reading this, then no matter what happened, it’s over now.
I want to come back to you safely, but you never know what could happen, so I’m thinking of things I don’t want to imagine.
I imagined how you would live after I died. As a child, I thought about it often. As I got older, sometimes. When I learned I might have to go to war, almost every day.
I want you to live well without me, but at the same time, I hope you aren’t too happy without me.
For your sake, I should tell you to forget me and be happy. But the thought of another man making you happy is hard to bear.
I hope you don’t completely forget me. I hope you’re just a little bit unhappy because I’m gone.
I know I’m being selfish. It’s all right if you hate me for it.
…(omitted for brevity)…
On the second shelf from the left in my study, fifth slot from the top, take the thick green leather book and turn it over, then push it twice. There’s a hidden safe.
If I never come back to you, look there.
No one else. Only you. Please follow what I’ve written inside.
Your loving husband,
Pavel Belkov.
