#09. First Night (4)
Pavel’s groans from behind were growing louder.
Too much time had already been wasted.
Her fingertips trembling from urgency, Sasha forced herself to calm down.
To use magic, she needed to maintain a mind as calm as a still sea, free of even the faintest breeze.
Moreover, Sasha was not a full-fledged mage—not yet.
Thanks to memories of her past life, she could use magic, but not as freely as the grand mage she once was.
Both her natural aptitude and her current environment limited her.
Even for a minor spell to succeed without fail, she needed to give it her all.
“Phew…”
With a long exhale, Sasha finally regained her composure. Her hands no longer trembled, and she was no longer consumed with anger toward the so-called doctor.
But that didn’t mean she was going to let it go.
Rooted in focus, Sasha infused her voice with magic as she spoke.
“I’ll say it again. Bring Revlon, Altiman, Salpis, root of Oot, and Tagrum.”
She added that the doctor should also bring the necessary tools for preparation.
“Now.”
The kindness was gone from her tone—it was cold and commanding.
And in that cold voice was an inexplicable, mysterious power.
“Y-yes, ma’am…”
The dazed doctor, enchanted by her magic, obediently complied.
✦✦✦
A short while later—
The doctor returned with everything Sasha had asked for.
A generous amount of herbs—enough to make multiple doses. He didn’t forget the equipment either.
Sasha moved expertly.
She had made this remedy a few times before—when her parents or Olga were sick—so her hands didn’t hesitate.
Thanks to her quick and precise motions, the medicine was prepared in no time.
“Pavel, can you open your eyes for a moment?”
At her voice, Pavel barely cracked his eyes open.
“This will help your pain go away. Let’s take it now.”
He stared at the unfamiliar medicine in her hand.
It looked, smelled, and felt different from the ones he usually took.
Especially because… she had made it.
Even in his feverish haze, Pavel had heard and seen Sasha commanding the doctor and preparing the remedy herself.
So his suspicious gaze—“Why should I trust that?”—was only natural.
To gain his trust, Sasha gently held his hand and spoke sincerely:
“Remember what I said earlier? That we’re married now.”
“……”
“You’re my husband, and I’m your wife. We’re family. I would never do anything to hurt you. Really. Please believe me.”
She explained what the medicine was.
“This will treat the fever and body aches you have now. If you don’t take it, you’ll keep suffering for a while. So please…”
She gripped his hand tighter and pleaded softly.
“Even if you don’t trust me, just try it once. Please?”
Pavel silently stared at her.
A girl he met just today.
A girl sold off for money and forced to marry him.
A girl who didn’t get angry or cry even when he insulted her.
A girl who neither hated nor avoided him.
And most strangely—
A girl whose inner thoughts he couldn’t hear.
Pavel glanced at their joined hands.
They were clearly touching.
Which meant the constant buzzing voices he always heard in his mind were her true thoughts.
[How do I convince him? I hope Pavel trusts me… It’ll help him heal faster.]
[He’s probably in pain even now. His fever is so high—he must be in terrible shape.]
[Should I just force him to take it? Even if he yells at me later, at least he’ll be okay.]
Worry, hesitation, and urgency filled those thoughts.
Pavel realized—this wasn’t flattery. She truly meant what she said.
She really believed the medicine she made could help him.
“……”
A heavy silence filled the air as they both fell into thought.
At last, Pavel opened his dry, cracked lips.
“…Give it to me.”
“What?”
“The medicine. I’ll take it. Hand it over.”
Sasha’s face lit up. Smiling, she handed it to him.
“Here.”
She placed the pill in his small hand and continued,
“Wait just a moment—I’ll get you some water.”
She jumped up. But before she could return with the water jug from the table—
Pavel had already swallowed the pill dry.
Sasha, horrified, ran to his side.
“It’ll be really bitter without water!”
“…It’s nothing.”
Pavel replied flatly.
But Sasha saw him wince.
She knew just how bitter the medicine was—she had tasted it herself.
“Nothing? It’s extremely bitter…”
“It’s fine.”
He glanced briefly at her worried expression and added,
“I’ve taken worse. I don’t even notice anymore.”
It was something only someone used to taking medicine constantly would say.
“He’s used to this?”
Sasha looked at him with deep concern.
Pavel curled up on the bed again.
She gently brushed back his damp bangs.
As her fingers touched his forehead, he frowned.
“Don’t touch me.”
“Okay, I won’t.”
Even as she said that, Sasha didn’t move her hand away.
Pat, pat.
She softly patted his chest.
Pavel glanced at her with half-lidded eyes, but there was no longer the hostility he once had.
“Sleep well. Don’t be in pain. Just rest, okay?”
Her whisper tickled his ears.
Pavel slowly closed his eyes.
It was strange. As she said, the pain really seemed to fade.
Normally, even with painkillers, it took a long time for him to fall asleep.
Because the pain never disappeared right away.
But now, the pain that had tormented him was already easing.
“Weird…”
He wanted to open his eyes and glare at Sasha.
To ask, “What did you put in that? Why am I already feeling better?”
But his eyelids were too heavy. Drowsiness washed over him.
The soft pats and quiet voice soothed him.
Soon, warm darkness swallowed him.
✦✦✦
Soft breathing filled the room.
Sasha kept patting him gently, even after he fell asleep.
As her hand moved with care over his chest, she thought:
“I knew he was sick, but not like this…”
It hurt to see how hard he tried to endure it.
She couldn’t even imagine how much pain he had been in.
She studied his sweat-soaked face and neck.
His lips were chapped and swollen from being bitten.
His arms showed scratch marks—self-inflicted with his nails.
Her eyes trembled as they lingered on his small, bloodied fingernails.
She took out the handkerchief she always carried and cleaned them.
She moved slowly and gently so she wouldn’t wake him—or maybe the medicine helped keep him asleep.
Pavel didn’t stir as she wiped away the blood.
She folded the cloth and wiped his face and neck as well.
If the sweat dried, he might catch a chill.
“His body’s so weak. Even little things like this need attention.”
After checking everything that might cause discomfort, she gently brushed under his eyes and whispered:
“Have only good dreams.”
She quietly turned off the light.
The room returned to complete darkness.
Sasha tiptoed to the other side of the bed and lay down, leaving enough space for a person between them.
Close enough to notice if something went wrong—but far enough not to disturb him.
She lay on her side, watching his back faintly outlined in the darkness, then closed her eyes.
But sleep didn’t come.
Images from earlier kept flickering behind her eyelids.
His moans of pain. The clenched fists. The tightly shut mouth. The bloodshot eyes…
And then—
“…won’t die.”
A murmuring voice.
Sasha’s eyes flew open.
“Did he wake up?”
But Pavel didn’t move. His breathing remained steady.
He was still asleep.
“A dream? Sleep talking?”
What did he just say?
She hadn’t caught it clearly.
But just as she turned to settle back—
“I won’t die. Never.”
This time, she heard it clearly.
Each word struck her ears like a knife.
For a mere dream, the boy’s voice was far too solemn. The weight of his words pierced her chest.
“Does he always think like that…?”
Probably. If he could mutter it so clearly in his sleep, without faltering, again and again.
Pavel must constantly be thinking:
“I won’t die. I don’t want to die.”
And in that moment, Sasha was sure—
This wasn’t just sleep talking.
It was a cry for help.
A plea: “I don’t want to die—please, someone save me.”
It might’ve been a stretch. But to her, it didn’t feel that way at all.
“……”
Sasha stared silently at the boy, swallowed by the darkness.
