MLCDF 75

~Chapter 75~

Knock knock.

A careful knock was heard.

“Ruby, may I come in?”

I flinched at the familiar voice from beyond the door.

“Ah, yes, of course, Damien!”

Soon the door opened, and Damien walked in.

He looked closely at me sitting in front of the canvas, then came to stand beside me.

“Congratulations.”

“Huh?”

“You passed the preliminaries.”

Damien smiled softly.

His clear amethyst eyes sparkled like stars.

“How did you know?”

“You received a letter sealed by the Imperial Academy, and now you’re sitting in front of your canvas immediately.”

“Ah…”

Now that he said it, he was right.

“When is the final submission deadline?”

“About twenty days left.”

“That’s a bit tight. But since Ruby paints quickly, it should be fine.”

Yes, normally that was true.

Usually, I always sketched quickly, regardless of quality.

‘But… this time is different.’

This time, I couldn’t make any progress at all.

The sketch that normally came out in a few hours hadn’t even started.

‘It wasn’t like this for the preliminaries.’

The preliminary theme had been “The Boundary of Beauty and Ugliness.”

So, I created an image of a torn photograph.
On one side of the ripped photo was a young, beautiful but sad woman.
On the other side was an old woman with wrinkles, liver spots, and thinning hair—but smiling brightly.

The picture asked: Can this smiling old woman truly be called ugly?

That sketch came to me in just a few hours.

But this time, nothing was coming.

It hadn’t even been a day since I got the theme, yet my head felt empty.

“Ruby, what’s the final theme? I remember the preliminaries were quite deep.”

“Ah, surprisingly the theme itself is simple.”

Yes. The theme was very simple.

So simple that skill differences would be very clear.

“Self-portrait.”

I couldn’t show my lack of confidence in front of Damien, who was sincerely happy about my passing.
So I smiled and pretended to be confident.

“Oh, the theme itself really is simple.”

“Right?”

“But since self-portraits are so common, the details will make all the difference.”

Damien’s perspective was exactly right.

“Yes, I think so too.”

But inside, I felt myself sinking deeper into darkness.

How am I supposed to draw this?

“Since the finals are more important, focus only on painting for now. I’ll try not to disturb you.”

“No, that’s not necessary…”

“It’s a once-in-a-lifetime chance.”

Damien shook his head firmly.

“I want to see the day when you do what you love and are recognized by everyone.”

He smiled brightly.

The usually serious Damien looked like a cheerful boy for a moment.

Having someone sincerely supporting me gave me huge comfort.

But this time… I wasn’t sure I could meet that support.

---

[Waaah, why!!]

[Why, why, why!!]

[You’re trying to hog Ruby all to yourself!!]

Crying and whining voices of the doll curses came from beyond the door.

“No. Right now, you’re only disturbing Ruby.”

Without sympathy, Damien told the doll curses—whose mental level was basically like children—the truth.

[We’re not disturbing her!!]

In the end, the doll curses started crying.

But Damien wasn’t moved.

Their voices grew faint as footsteps receded.

He had taken all the doll curses away, who had tried to enter my room.

That only made me feel guiltier.

“Sigh.”

Because my canvas was still blank.

‘I need to draw…’

I knew this was a terrible excuse for an artist.
But I truly couldn’t draw.
Not even a single touch.

To be exact, I had no desire to draw.

And I had no idea how to draw.

‘Draw my own face on the canvas…’

With a deep sigh, I moved the canvas to the dressing table.
At least I could use the mirror.

‘Now I really need to start sketching.’

Days had passed since I received the theme.

Considering I would need time for revisions before submitting, I had to hurry.

If no idea came, I would force myself to sketch and drag ideas out that way.

“Let’s try.”

I roughly caught the composition of my reflection in the mirror with a pencil.
The figure of me painting.

Capturing the reflected shape wasn’t hard.
Unlike the hesitation before, the sketch came out quickly.

“…Should I move to coloring right away?”

After a moment of thought, I picked up the brush and paints.

No matter how long I thought, nothing else would come.

But still—

‘Is this really right?’

Doubt kept nagging at me.

---

“Ruby, may I come in?”

“Yes!”

Since I started preparing for the finals, Damien entered my room more carefully than before.

He often left snacks, saying I shouldn’t go hungry.
And if it got too late, he would come in and tell me to sleep.

‘It feels like… a parent helping their child prepare for academy entrance exams.’

I was grateful he treated my contest so seriously.

“Oh, you’re already painting with colors. As expected, you’re fast.”

“No, not really.”

I smiled as I picked up red paint.

Damien curiously scanned different parts of the painting.

Then he tilted his head.

‘What’s that?’

It was an expression I had never seen from him while looking at my paintings.

His face looked confused, doubtful.

Yet he said nothing, only stared at the painting.

“Damien?”

Unable to bear the curiosity, I called his name.

“Yes, Ruby.”

“You looked strange just now. Is something wrong with the painting?”

“Ah…”

He looked flustered for a moment.

After some thought, he spoke again.

“I don’t know if I should say this carelessly, but…”

Then, with his clear amethyst-like eyes fixed on me, he said firmly:

“This painting is not like you.”

A question mark filled my head.

“Huh? What do you mean, not like me?”

“When I see your paintings, I can instantly tell they’re yours.”

“Because of the style?”

I asked, thinking maybe my painting style was different.

But Damien shook his head.

“Your paintings always show affection toward the subject.”

He pointed to the canvas.

“This painting looks exactly like you. As a self-portrait, it’s perfect.”

Yes, I had drawn it exactly as the mirror showed.

“But I can’t say this is your painting.”

“…”

“Because there is no affection toward the subject.”

I could only bite my lip.
I couldn’t argue against that.

“Ruby, are you struggling with this painting?”

“…It just takes time.”

“Ruby.”

Damien met my eyes and asked:

“You have a rule, don’t you? To always paint what you love.”

“…”

“So… do you not love yourself?”

Hit right in the heart, I couldn’t answer at all.