~Chapter 44~
“…”
“Your mother-in-law is supposed to be scary, right? Still the same?”
Wait… did he find out?
Did he know all along?
Riden bit the inside of her mouth hard.
She was so shocked, she didn’t know how to respond. Then Ethan suddenly stood up, got behind her, and climbed up to sit behind her.
“This is better, right?”
“…Sorry, what?”
“It’s easier for a liar to talk if they don’t have to make eye contact.”
“…Uh, y-yeah.”
“Then keep looking straight.”
That day’s memories rushed back like a flash.
What did I say? What nonsense did I blurt out?
Wait… how long has he known?
“I wonder… when did I first realize it was you, Gemma?”
Gasp! A chill ran down her spine.
Riden tried to stay calm and answered playfully.
“Good question. I’m really curious too.”
“…”
“Your Grace, I lied to you. I’m sorry.”
She turned her head to apologize, but her nose bumped into his broad chest. Embarrassed, she looked forward again.
It was so quiet, she could hear his breathing behind her.
Anxious, she bit the inside of her cheek—left, then right—unsure what to do. Then he spoke quietly:
“You were curious, I get it. We only met briefly as kids and never again after that.”
He was being so understanding. Should she start calling him “Mr. Empathy” instead of “Mr. Regret”?
As she was feeling surprised inside, Ethan pressed gently into her lower back.
“This is why I told you to sit here. So your body learns to stay straight without thinking. Stretch. If you don’t want to hurt your back while riding.”
“Yes, sir.”
Everything felt strange. Even his teasing words about that day surprised her.
He remembered… the things I said.
Though she couldn’t see him, she could feel him hesitating behind her. It was oddly clear.
“When I opened my eyes that morning, I found out you were going to be my wife.”
“…”
His soft voice seemed quieter than the pounding of her heart.
To fill the awkward silence, she blurted out anything like a broken vending machine.
“Wow, that must’ve been really shocking. From Gemma to Riden…”
“I was glad.”
“…”
The random words stopped instantly at his short response.
“I was really glad.”
Even though he couldn’t see her face, Riden instinctively covered it with her hand.
“Glad”…
It sounded like he meant he missed her, and that made her ears burn.
She quickly tried to change the subject.
“So, where’s your horse? I saw the Count and Duchess’s horses, and they matched their owners. I’m curious about yours.”
“Go find it.”
“Okay then…”
She pointed to a black horse at the end.
“That one looks like you—nice to your wife, scary to everyone else.”
“Pick another.”
“But it really suits you…”
Okay, not that one? How about this one?
She pointed to a shiny gray horse with silvery tones.
“It’s larger than the others and perfectly muscular. Looks like a horse with great bloodlines. But its eyes… kind of arrogant. A bit shameless. Just like you, Your Grace.”
“Is Riden Macary a fake name too? Like Gemma?”
“What do you mean?”
“You sound like you’ve got another identity to switch to.”
Ouch.
“Okay, I’ll just be quiet now. I’m not curious anymore.”
A cool breeze blew by. It smelled like spring flowers—social season was coming.
‘Social season…’
In novels, it’s where big parties happen in grand halls full of glamorous people, secret battles of pride, and all kinds of drama.
She was a little excited.
She planned to experience just one season before returning to the countryside, so this would be her first and last social season.
Maybe that’s why, after a moment of hesitation, she spoke:
“Your Grace.”
“…”
“Will you dance one song with me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Our engagement was canceled, but the contract said we were supposed to meet at a ball and fall in love at first sight, right?”
“…”
“So I always imagined that if I had my debut and danced for the first time, it would be with you. It would feel weird if it was someone else.”
She knew it sounded odd, but this would be her last ball. That word—last—made her want to dance with him, just once.
After all, once the real heroine shows up, he’d forget all about her.
“Of course, your mother is looking for a new daughter-in-law. You’ll have plenty of dances with someone else. Just one with me is enough.”
“Hmm, I wonder if I’ll even find someone by then.”
He leaned against the back of her head.
His weight suddenly pressed down, and she had to tense up to keep from falling.
“I feel sleepy.”
His voice above her shoulder sounded tired.
“Let me ask you one thing.”
“…”
“When did you decide not to marry me? Was it back in the forest?”
The forest… The day they first met.
Riden often thought about that moment.
“You win. So don’t think about dying.”
She let out a soft laugh.
No one said they were dying.
Even though it was a misunderstanding, those words made her feel better.
It made her think maybe the next thing he’d say would be:
“Live happily instead.”
And just thinking about it gave her strength.
“That part doesn’t matter.”
Ethan’s relaxed voice suddenly sharpened.
“Then what does matter? That you don’t love me? Not even a little?”
Wait… how did he know what I said to the duchess?
‘Ugh, I hate guys who share every little thing with their mom!’
“Yeah. That’s what matters most.”
The warmth behind her vanished.
He had pulled away, and suddenly everything felt cold.
“How much is enough?”
“Sorry?”
“I can adjust anything for this marriage. If love is the condition, then how much love do you need? I’ll make it happen.”
Riden jumped off the saddle.
She had no boots on, so her lace stockings landed directly on the rough hay, making her feet sting.
“Can you also create feelings of love for you?”
He was trying to answer the same question she had once asked the duchess.
But it wasn’t a question meant to be answered.
No one can force emotions into shape.
It wasn’t even a real question—it was rhetorical.
But this man… does he think emotions are something cheap and controllable?
Riden was speechless at his arrogance.
She almost felt embarrassed for briefly thinking the moment had been sweet.
“What do you take me for, that you think you can shape my heart like ordering a coffee?”
If that’s the case, then fine.
“I’ll have a venti.”
Ethan still sat lazily behind the saddle, staring down at her confidently.
“How much love do you need, then…?”
“…”
“The kind of love where Snow White eats the poisoned apple again, even knowing it’ll kill her. The kind that feels eternal even if it’s temporary. I need that kind of illusion to stand on before I marry.”
“…”
“Sounds luxurious, right? Can you give me that kind of love?”
Even after pouring her heart out, his expression barely changed. So Riden added:
“And besides… you don’t even have feelings for me either. If we both feel nothing—”
Ethan cut her off.
“Who says that?”
“Huh?”
“Who said I don’t like you?”
