Chapter 20 – Where Could I Leave You and Go?
Talim swallowed a pill while finishing a glass of water and collapsed back onto the sofa.
“I feel much better now.”
“You just took the medicine!”
Muru tucked in the edge of the blanket to stop any draft from reaching his sick body.
“I have something to tell you…”
“Tell me later.”
“No, I have to say it now.”
Despite his large frame, he whimpered into the blanket like a stubborn dog begging for one more walk. There was no choice. Muru patted his shoulder and decided to listen.
“Is this about what you were trying to tell me over breakfast yesterday?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Your throat hurts, so speak gently.”
“First of all… I lied about staying over because of the shoot.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“The truth is, I only needed to shoot for one day. I caught a cold, so the schedule was pushed to next week. Yesterday, I stayed over at a friend’s… friend’s house, and that’s why I ended up like this.”
“Mhm…”
Park Talim cautiously began his confession like someone at a confessional. He seemed flustered.
“The reason I… the reason I did that was…”
Muru just nodded, gently patting Talim’s arm in slow, rhythmic motions.
Pat, pat, pat…
“I was afraid… that if I told you about what Ikyeom accidentally mentioned—the thing from third grade—you might get hurt… No, that’s just an excuse. The truth is, I just didn’t want to be the first person to tell you.”
Mhm, mhm…
Her chest felt like it was filling with smoke. A stifling lump swirled inside, making Muru’s anxiety worse.
“When I transferred to our school, the whole incident had already ended. I only heard about it later… from customers at my mom’s pharmacy after we became friends.”
She didn’t know when she’d stopped patting him, but now her hand was simply resting, holding Talim’s arm still.
“You… went missing. For ten days.”
…What?
…What…?
Missing?
Missing.
The sensation began to fade from her fingertips. Her heart pounded so wildly that her extremities felt numb.
“They said you disappeared from Junsan City… and they found you in the neighboring city, Daeryong.”
“…How did that happen?”
She couldn’t hide the tremble in her voice.
“They never caught the culprit, so no one really knows the details.”
Her vision started to shake. As if there was an earthquake—the world, the sounds, the air—all trembled.
“…They said… you couldn’t remember anything…”
Like something had grabbed her by the hair, Muru suddenly turned her head around.
Of course, it was there.
Another version of Joo Muru.
The ghost that invaded her trembling vision stood right behind her, still and solid. This was the second apparition she’d seen since moving into this house. Her teeth clattered together. She couldn’t do anything.
Their eyes met.
Not once had she ever locked eyes with that presence before. Ever since returning from Gangneung, the ghost had appeared, always looking just like her but with vacant, unfocused eyes—always fading away before their gazes could meet.
But this time was different.
It was the first time she felt it standing behind her. The first time their locked gazes were so clear. Those pitch-black, persistent eyes stared down at her from behind. The whole world shook her like it wanted to snap her in half.
Why, why now?
She screamed inwardly.
What do you want from me? Why now, of all times?
The black eyes, cold and expressionless, slowly opened their mouth. Silently. Forming words with lips identical to hers, mimicking the shape of speech without sound.
What… What are you saying?
No matter how hard she stared, the ghost made no sound. Deep inside, Muru felt her anger rising.
Ah, ah, ah.
Air caught painfully in her throat, refusing to become sound. Then suddenly—
Ah, ah, ah.
AAAAAAAARGH.
She screamed. Talim, alarmed, wrapped his fevered body around her, holding her tight from behind.
Her own scream ripped through her eardrums.
And just like that, like someone pressing the delete key, the apparition disappeared.
Muru, calm down, Muru.
Talim’s voice buzzed near her ears. For a brief moment, she slumped in his feverish arms, utterly drained. Only after a long while did her ragged breathing begin to settle.
Talim did not loosen his embrace until she was completely calm.
The scent of her hair filled his swollen sinuses. The flu didn’t matter anymore. In a fading voice, Muru murmured,
“…Missing… They said I was missing…”
If only he could have told her in a less shocking way…
Talim cursed himself.
“And that I forgot… all of it…”
The memories erased from her mind rolled like heavy stones inside her head.
I disappeared for ten days. I came back. I remembered nothing. Nobody knows what happened. And my parents…
“It’s my fault, isn’t it? That my parents divorced.”
“No, Muru. No.”
“Because I went missing… because of that…”
“Muru. Look at me. Look at me.”
Talim gently coaxed her to turn toward the sofa where he sat. The cold medicine was finally taking effect—his headache and sore throat were subsiding. Seeing her face properly in a clear-headed state, she only looked blank and lost.
“It’s not your fault.”
“It could be… I read somewhere… that when something like this happens to a child, the parents start blaming each other…”
“Maybe. Maybe they did. But that still doesn’t make it your fault.”
“…”
“You know it’s not your fault, don’t you?”
“…Talim.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“…I erased the memories myself.”
“…”
“I… I erased them. Because I didn’t want to remember.”
“It wasn’t because you didn’t want to!”
Talim raised his voice. Sweat dripped from his wet sideburns down to his chin.
“You couldn’t remember. Whatever it was.”
“There’s a difference?”
“Huh?”
“Not wanting to remember… or not being able to… Is there a difference?”
Even with her eyes reddened, she didn’t cry.
She looked pitiful. To Talim, she looked endlessly pitiful. Just how terrible must those memories have been, for an eleven-year-old child to block them out entirely?
At a loss for words, he simply pulled her back into his arms.
From within, Muru mumbled,
“You’re burning up…”
“I’m fine.”
“Go to the hospital…”
“I’m fine.”
Whatever she said, he told her he was fine. Over and over, Talim’s heart shouted the words toward her.
You’re not fine. You’re not fine at all. With you like this, how could I possibly—
Where could I leave you and go?
* * *
Talim’s flu dragged on for days.
Even after finally going to the clinic late on the first day at Muru’s insistence, he suffered severely, thanks to the ongoing flu epidemic.
He couldn’t even finish making breakfast. The others in the Hwaran house forcibly sent him back to the attic whenever he tried standing in the kitchen. He couldn’t stomach other people’s food—or even his own.
Still, he stayed locked in the attic with the door shut for three whole days.
“What about Talim’s dinner?”
Ikyeom asked as he opened a pizza box. Muru glanced gloomily up toward the third floor.
“I bought porridge and left it at his door.”
No matter how many times she went up to knock, Talim never opened the attic door. All she got was his voice from inside, saying he was fine. In the end, she had to leave the tray with the porridge bowl by the door and come back down.
Three times a day for three days.
After the shock of learning about her childhood disappearance and the hallucination episodes, Muru had been deeply shaken. But by the third day, she was more annoyed than anything else.
“Why won’t he open the door? What’s wrong with him?”
She grumbled irritably. Hosik, already munching on his second slice of pizza, replied casually.
“He’s always like that. Never lets anyone see his room.”
As Ikyeom pulled a long stretch of cheese, he added,
“I’ve seen it.”
What?!
Hosik banged the table.
“When? For how long? How?”
“I kept trying. One day the door wasn’t fully closed. Maybe the door lock battery was dead or something. So I just… peeked in.”
Ikyeom, who once figured out a friend’s phone password with similar persistence, was now a government worker sworn to integrity.
Hosik asked seriously, still dragging out his slice with gooey cheese strands.
“So, was it like we expected?”
Ikyeom snorted.
“Hmph. No. No hidden gold bars.”
“Then it’s scenario B.”
“No secret lover either.”
“Then it’s scenario C…”
“There wasn’t a C.”
Muru found herself getting curious too. After bringing porridge, water, and every kind of meal tray to the third floor without once seeing him open the door, she felt hurt.
“So… what was it like?”
“Curious, aren’t you, Muru?”
Ikyeom said, putting on airs. Both Muru and Hosik were now completely focused on his mouth.
