Chapter 4 — The Crime of a Kiss Disguised as a Marriage Proposal
“When we were little! Just babies!”
Even in the dark, his fluster was obvious. Joo Muru barely held back a laugh.
“When we were ten… yeah, around ten…”
So it was when they were eleven. Fortunately, he hadn’t caught on that she didn’t even remember that time. Third grade in elementary school. As someone proud to be a model Confucian child, the fact that she had kissed someone at that age felt so bizarre.
Talim fumbled around on his own and rolled to the other side. That made her want to tease him more.
“A baby making a marriage promise, huh? And sealing it with a kiss too.”
Park Talim threw off the blanket and shot up.
“You kissed me first, okay?!”
He was dead serious about his innocence. Muru snorted and turned her back.
“No way that’s true.”
“What do you mean no way! You kissed me after I said we should get married!”
“Sure, sure. If you say so.”
“So what now, huh?”
“What do you mean?”
“You committed the crime of a kiss disguised as a marriage proposal.”
“Does every kiss lead to marriage?”
“Saying, ‘Let’s get married when we grow up, okay, smooch,’ that’s different! That’s a vow!”
“You’re not some knight on a quest—what vow…”
Suddenly, something surged up inside Muru. She had made vows like that with Kim Bong-pal more than a hundred times.
Why did he do that to her?
He had been her first and only boyfriend.
Why had he been so cruel?
Her pillow was already damp before she knew it. She hadn’t meant to let it show, but the sound of her sniffling betrayed her.
“…Are you crying?!”
Thud-thud-thud. In the dark, she heard the ground quake. Talim was approaching on his knees.
Just as he reached the bed—RRRIP. The sound of fabric tearing.
Muru quickly wiped her eyes and sat up.
“Huh?”
“Uh…”
Talim froze.
“What was that noise?”
“…My pants ripped.”
“Pfffft—HAHAHAHA!”
Who cares if they say laughter after tears brings misfortune? She laughed so hard her sides hurt. Talim sulked.
“Your ex-boyfriend—why did he wear pants this tight?”
“Aaah… my side’s cramping up… hahahahahaaah…”
The big puppy-like guy hung his invisible ears and tail and grabbed a blanket to wrap around his waist.
“Alright, enough laughing.”
“No, it’s not—sniff—it’s not you that’s funny… heh heh…”
Muru took a deep breath to calm herself.
“You know… my ex was my first love.”
Talim frowned.
“I’m your first love.”
“Ha, right, sorry. I meant after I became an adult.”
“Fine, I’ll let that slide.”
“I thought he was really handsome.”
“He really wasn’t.”
“Everyone said otherwise, but I never listened. But just now, when your pants ripped—that was the moment the rose-tinted glasses came off.”
“…”
“I kept pretending I didn’t know he was a crappy person, didn’t I?”
“…Muru.”
“I guess I thought if I didn’t admit it, it wouldn’t be real…”
“Trying to see the good in someone isn’t wrong.”
“Then why does it feel wrong?”
Muru laid her cheek on the mattress and gave a sad smile.
“He was the awful one. You’re not.”
“…Hehe.”
“Talk about it. Tell someone. Tell them over and over until you’re okay. Just keep talking.”
No one had ever told her that. To talk and keep talking until the pain fades. No one had ever said that to Joo Muru before.
Talim started gently patting her on the back. Today had been a day of too much crying, too much laughing, and too many changes. Sleep was creeping in. She wanted to sleep deeply, without thinking.
Drowsily, she murmured:
“If I… keep talking like that…”
“Yeah?”
“…Won’t people get… sick of me…”
Maybe this was a dream. That she was under the same roof with Park Talim. Then this confession must be part of the dream too.
Muru melted into the haze.
“…What then…”
Her voice trailed off. No matter how she forced her eyes open, they kept closing again.
“…That won’t happen.”
She thought Talim had said that.
“Because it’s you. Because it’s Joo Muru.”
She thought he whispered that, too. But nothing was certain. His scent returned.
That almost-kiss, the one that never happened.
I’m so tired today.
Muru reached for Talim’s face. Her palm touched his warm, smooth cheek.
“Why didn’t I…”
It was sincere.
“…ever date someone like you…”
Even if a perfect imaginary boyfriend like him only existed in a part of her memory she could never reach again…
Moonlight filtered in through the window, casting silver on Talim’s black eyes. At some point, she had leaned in toward his lips.
When she grabbed his neck and pulled him closer, his hot breath tickled under her nose. Their lips touched, and Muru closed her eyes.
Suddenly, sorrow hit her. Because his hand behind her head was too warm.
Because his arms wrapped gently around her waist as they sank into the bed.
Their bodies burned toward each other. When his lips kissed her neck, Muru opened her eyes and looked across the dark room.
…It stood there. Joo Muru’s ghost. The symptom worse than dissociative amnesia that had led her to see a psychiatrist.
There were no warnings. No patterns. Hallucinations came at any time, anywhere.
The hallucinated ghost, identical in appearance to Muru, always mirrored her—same face, same clothes.
From childhood until now, like staring into a giant mirror.
The ghost never looked at her. Never spoke. Just stood still, always expressionless.
She melted deeper into Talim’s arms and gave a strange laugh. Talim’s rough voice asked:
“…Are you okay? Is this really okay?”
No. My heart hurts. I feel like I’m dying.
She couldn’t say that.
“…I’m okay.”
A lie, because right now, lies were necessary—just like that ghost was a secret.
“…Hold me.”
That part wasn’t a lie.
She fell into bed, her heavy body held close in his arms.
Moonlight.
Everything was moonlight.
Park Talim truly did not want to believe what he was seeing.
“…I’m sorry.”
Sunlight sparkled in on Sunday morning. They were still in bed. He had woken up happy.
But Joo Muru was on her knees.
On the bed.
Somehow, she was fully dressed again. He was the only one not wearing anything.
“…Huh?”
His just-awake brain couldn’t manage more than a “huh?” The memory of that indescribably beautiful night was still lingering—and now the star of that night was apologizing.
“Um, I… I’m sure you acted on impulse too.”
Impulse?!
Two syllables. Endless heartache.
“We don’t really know each other that well yet…”
It wasn’t until he was drowning in disappointment that he came to his senses. He sat up, shook his head, and faced her.
“Muru. So what you’re saying is…”
He hated the way she looked like a criminal.
“You want to pretend it never happened?”
“No, no! Not that! Not to that extent!”
“…Then?”
“I, uh… I just wanted to say sorry again…”
She was sorry, but didn’t want to erase it?
Talim just blinked.
“Like… like an episode. Between friends. A… a friends thing.”
You’re a writer, aren’t you? You write novels. If you put something like this in a story and called it a “friends episode,” would your readers buy it?
Talim was upset. His words got stuck.
“The thing is… I just broke up with my boyfriend yesterday… well, technically I got dumped…”
“…Ah.”
Talim suddenly felt ashamed. He’d been too wrapped up in his own feelings to consider Muru’s situation. She must be the most confused of all.
A long-term boyfriend’s betrayal. Nearly dying because of him. And now she’d spent the night with Talim.
Maybe it really was too much. He started pulling the blanket up to cover himself.
“If you cover up like that…”
“Huh?”
“You make it look like I… did something terrible…”
What did that mean?
Talim looked down at the blanket clutched tightly to his chest. He was sitting demurely, completely naked under the blanket.
Across from him, Muru was perfectly dressed and apologizing like crazy. What even was this situation?
He got a little annoyed.
“Alright. Fine. Me too.”
“Huh?”
“Both of us messed up.”
“Messed up how?”
“Messed. M-E-S-S-E-D. Can you turn around? I need to shower and get dressed.”
“Oh, yeah, sure.”
Muru nodded quickly and turned around.
