Chapter 4
Reina got into the carriage and sat beside Calix.
Maya sat across from them.
Reina and Maya exchanged a look.
Avoiding Jonathan’s eyes earlier, Reina had quietly told Maya their destination and asked her to arrange for a trustworthy coachman.
Her gaze now asked if everything had been handled as instructed.
Maya understood and gave a small nod.
Born into a knight’s family, Maya was exceptionally loyal to Reina.
She was sharp-witted and tight-lipped—the only person in the estate Reina could truly trust.
‘Thank goodness I have Maya.’
As Reina felt relieved inside, the carriage carrying the three of them began to move.
She turned her eyes to the scenery outside the window.
She tried to focus on the passing landscape, but it was no use.
‘Now it’s really…’
Reina quietly pressed a hand to her forehead.
‘I’m completely screwed.’
She fully realized just how doomed her future looked.
That must have been why she had broken character earlier and hit Jonathan on the back.
Not only had she failed to fix the situation, she had ended up making the exact same choice as the original female lead.
Calix was clearly a pitiful child.
Through the original novel, Reina knew how he had been treated in the Ingersoll household.
That was precisely why she had never wanted to get involved in the original story.
If she ever met Calix, she knew she wouldn’t be able to pretend not to care.
“Ha…”
Reina let out a quiet sigh.
‘What’s done is done. I just need to think of a way to fix this.’
She had to protect Calix—but avoid being falsely accused like the female lead.
‘I can’t just hide from Lucius forever.’
She was certain Lucius would track Jonathan down quickly.
‘He’ll come to the Crollot family.’
If she had to face Lucius eventually—
Reina bit her lip.
‘Then I have to make sure I’m completely removed from suspicion.’
How could she do that?
‘First, hide Calix somewhere safe.’
Reina clenched her fists.
‘And then stay by Lucius’s side.’
She would pretend to help him while feeding him misleading information, preventing him from finding Calix too soon.
‘I need to buy as much time as possible.’
Reina recalled what the female lead had said to Lucius in the original story.
—It’s a misunderstanding, Your Grace! I only cared for Calix and searched for a way to cure him!
The female lead had tried to prove that she had been doing everything she could to save Calix.
‘Because she believed that if Calix had recovered, the war wouldn’t have happened.’
But by then, Calix was already dead.
No matter how much she pleaded, Lucius didn’t believe her.
When Reina first read the novel, she thought it was simply a device to highlight the female lead’s tragic situation.
Now that she had transmigrated into Reina, those words felt like the only rope that could save her.
—There must be a way. If only I had a little more time…
The female lead had been certain. There was a way to cure Calix.
‘I have to find out what that way is.’
If Calix lives, then I live too.
Reina quietly turned to look at him.
Calix hadn’t spoken since getting into the carriage.
He sat with his hands folded neatly on his lap, head bowed.
Like someone who had given up on everything.
‘He must have learned how to give up.’
The Ingersoll family only saw his illness as something to use.
The director of the sanatorium only cared about the money he received from them.
‘No wonder he ran away and became a wandering orphan.’
As Reina felt a pang of pity, her eyes suddenly widened.
Calix was pinching the back of his own hand.
Whether it was a habit or not, scabs had already formed there.
“What are you doing?”
At her question, Calix flinched.
Reina realized her mistake.
She had spoken in her usual cold tone.
“Don’t do that.”
But even her next words didn’t come out gently, which only made her more flustered.
Calix paused briefly at her remark, then continued.
He was overwhelmed with anxiety and fear.
‘That was stupid.’
Calix regretted his foolishness.
He had followed strangers just because he didn’t want to go home.
He replayed the conversation he had overheard at the estate.
It seemed obvious that the carriage he was riding in was taking him to the place where he would die.
‘Would it have been better if I’d stayed at the sanatorium?’
…Of course not.
No matter what choice he made, he would have ended up unhappy.
‘Because I’m destined to be unhappy.’
As that thought crossed his mind, his fingers dug harder into the back of his hand.
It was a habit he could never break.
Whenever he did it, his uncle would scold him harshly, telling him to stop such disgraceful behavior.
‘I have to stop before I get scolded…’
But his body wouldn’t obey, and his face twisted in distress.
“Stop.”
A warm, soft hand gently covered his.
“It hurts.”
At Reina’s words, Calix looked at the back of his hand.
‘It hurts.’
Only then did he truly feel the pain.
It stung and burned so much—why hadn’t he noticed?
He thought he should stop because adults disliked it.
Not because it hurt him.
When he stopped moving his hand, Reina took out a handkerchief from her pocket.
“You said you wouldn’t see anything, hear anything, or say anything—just let you stay.”
As she wrapped the handkerchief around his hand, she continued,
“There was a time when I used to say things like that too.”
A faint, cold smile crossed her face as she remembered her past life.
After her parents died when she was in elementary school, she had been passed from one relative’s house to another.
Every time she so much as lifted a spoon at the dinner table, the adults would sigh.
They treated her like a burden, an unwanted mouth to feed.
New school supplies, new clothes, being included in warm family moments—those were luxuries she couldn’t even dream of.
‘I won’t ask for anything. Just don’t hate me.’
The moment she heard Calix’s plea—even when she first read the novel—she had seen herself in his childhood.
She knew exactly what he had felt when he said those words.
And because of that, she couldn’t turn her back on him like the adults who had once turned their backs on her.
“If you want too much, you look greedy.”
Calix slowly lifted his eyes to look at her.
“If you only want one thing, maybe they’ll call you a good child.”
Surprise filled his eyes.
Just like Reina once had, Calix had spent his life trying to become that kind of child.
“I only wished not to be hated. But in the end…”
Reina tied the knot on the handkerchief and met his gaze.
“That meant I wanted to be loved.”
“…That…”
Calix’s lips trembled.
“Isn’t that actually the biggest greed of all?”
He had always wondered why it was so hard to wish for just one thing.
After being abandoned at the sanatorium, he finally realized.
That one wish was greater than all other desires combined.
And he had dared to want it.
“It’s not greed.”
Reina spoke calmly.
“It’s natural for a child to complain. It’s natural for a child to be loved.”
“…”
“And a child who tries hard to be loved deserves even more love.”
Calix bit his lip tightly.
Something tightly knotted deep inside his chest grew hot.
It swelled as if it might burst at any moment, making his nose sting.
Soon his eyes reddened and his vision blurred.
“But no one…”
No one loves me.
Tears rolled silently down his cheeks.
Seeing him cry without making a sound, Reina reached into her pocket again.
Along with her handkerchief, she always carried something else.
A candy wrapped in paper.
Reina had been born with weak lungs and often suffered from coughing fits, so her parents always made her carry candy.
Lately, it was said that everyone born in the Empire had some minor incurable illness.
Rumors claimed the land was contaminated, but Reina thought it was just gossip.
Unlike what people said, the body she had transmigrated into was perfectly fine.
‘Even if I didn’t need it, I’m glad I carried it.’
Reina held out the candy to Calix.
“When you feel like hurting your hand, eat this instead.”
Calix looked at the candy in her palm.
“I’ll give you one tomorrow, and the day after, and every day.”
“…”
“I want you to look forward to what candy you’ll get today, instead of hurting yourself.”
She placed the candy into his hesitant hand.
“Listen carefully.”
Her tone still sounded like a command, but Calix didn’t flinch.
Because unlike her cold voice, her hand was very warm.
“If you don’t want to, I won’t send you back anywhere. I won’t hand you over to a slave trader either.”
Calix’s mouth slowly fell open.
“I’ll let you stay where we’re going.”
Somewhere safe—from Lucius and the Ingersoll family.
“So you have to help me too. Can you do that?”
Calix looked at Reina with trembling eyes.
When he blinked, the tears at the corners of his eyes fell.
But no more tears followed.
The crushing heaviness in his chest slowly began to ease.
“I can.”
Instead, his heart began to beat quickly—with something that felt like hope.
