Chapter 56
“…I just came here on an errand. What about you—why are you holding an axe?”
“Hmm, I also came on an errand, filling in for my junior.”
“What? You, filling in for your junior? That’s a lie.”
“…Okay, fine. I ditched the hard work on my junior and came to kill some time?”
“Ah, I see!”
‘…Wait, both of those were lies, so why does she believe that one?’
For some reason, that annoyed me.
There really wasn’t much time left before the march began. I had to recover my memory of the original story fast, and figure out exactly what happened during that march.
‘I just have to eat this candy, right?’
Since it supposedly contained black magic, I was a bit uneasy at first. But once I unwrapped it, it looked just like a normal piece of candy—a white sugar ball, the kind kids might eat.
‘Did someone just infuse market candy with black magic?’
At least on the surface, nothing looked strange about it.
And it wasn’t like I had time to hesitate. I popped the candy into my mouth in one go. Since it was a big piece, my cheeks puffed up immediately.
‘…Oh, hell no.’
The moment it hit my tongue, I understood exactly why this candy was said to contain black magic.
How should I describe it… The taste was so disturbingly vile that if I tried to explain it, this story’s genre would shift to “adult horror.” So, let’s just skip that part. Suffice it to say, it was grotesque.
‘I have to recall the memories I want.’
Rolling the nasty candy around in my mouth to make it melt faster, I began thinking about the story Four Madmen Obsess Over Me.
‘Four Madmen Obsess Over Me…’
The cover. The heroine with orange hair surrounded by two dark-haired male leads, blushing shyly… And the second cover showed her caught between the green-haired and brown-haired ones, flustered again…
No, no—focus on the plot.
The story was basically about a bright, quirky, kind heroine and four insane men obsessed with her….
Surprisingly, the more I rolled the candy around, the clearer my memory became.
I could even remember that the novel had exactly 124 chapters, and that the epilogue series was set to start on December 18. Unfortunately, I had transmigrated before the epilogue began.
‘Right… the noble lady living in the duke’s castle where the heroine Dalin worked—that woman was such an arrogant brat. She deserved to taste revolution.’
Even the tiny details I’d skimmed over before were flooding back vividly.
I hadn’t yet reached the information I wanted—about Altair or Yuri’s deaths—but…
At that very moment—
“Ah!”
A sharp sensation buzzed through my head.
Something inside my mind was vibrating.
It must be—
‘The signal Sanchez mentioned.’
Whatever black magic this was, it felt like it was demanding an offering—squeezing my mind, urging me to trade something precious in exchange for more memory.
Alright, so I just had to say it. Declare what memory I was willing to give up.
…But that turned out to be harder than I expected.
I already knew what my most precious memory was. It was something I hadn’t told anyone in this world. Something so dear that I had hidden it deep inside.
It was—my name from my original world.
‘Give that up?’
Rationally, it made sense.
If I used this candy, I might not just recall the novel’s story, but even more of my past self.
But what good would that do? I had no way to return to that world, and with so little attachment left for it, there was no point clinging to a name.
‘Besides, after all the crap I’ve gone through here, I’m not leaving, damn it.’
Anyway, I’d decided—I was staying in this world. Forgetting my previous life might even make things easier.
And if losing that memory helped me learn about this world—about my future—then it would be worth it.
So logically, everything checked out.
But emotionally—
‘I don’t want to.’
That name was the only thing I had that connected me to who I used to be.
Whenever this world became unbearable, I’d quietly whisper my name before I fell asleep.
Even then, since arriving here, I had never once spoken it out loud.
That name was the only thing that truly belonged to me.
Maybe it was foolish sentimentality, but it reminded me that once upon a time, there really was a “me” in another world.
And yet…
Images of Altair and Yuri flashed through my mind.
They had stood up for me several times, openly taking my side. They were two of the few people in this world who had treated me kindly.
Then came the image of my old name. I really loved that name.
‘Give that up?’
Just imagining it made my chest tighten with fear and sorrow.
In the end, I couldn’t decide. I buried my face in my knees, while the candy kept melting in my mouth.
Then, suddenly—a hand gently rested on my head.
“Ah.”
I lifted my head and met the eyes of the owner.
But honestly, I didn’t even need to look. I knew who it was from the warmth of his touch.
“Aquila.”
“What are you doing here, Sarubia?”
He called me by the name of this body.
Hearing that name suddenly felt so foreign that my eyes stung. I didn’t answer, just drooped my head.
“What’s wrong?”
Maybe my face looked gloomy, because Aquila crouched in front of me and studied my puffed-up cheek.
“Candy?”
“Mm.”
“Where’d you get it?”
“Uh, from… Lord Altair…”
I mumbled through the candy, and he poked my cheek with his finger.
“Hey.”
I blinked in surprise, but Aquila didn’t seem to mind. He just watched my cheek for a moment before saying—
“When you’re discharged, eat a lot more of those.”
“…Huh?”
“Your puffed-up cheeks are cute.”
…What a blunt thing to say.
But that kind of straightforward honesty was just like him—he always said exactly what came to mind.
“You plan to see me after discharge?”
“…You’re saying I shouldn’t?”
His voice sharpened a little.
Paradoxically, that sharp tone made me feel safe.
“No, it’s just… I don’t have any friends.”
“Mm.”
“So you have to keep seeing me. Okay? I don’t have anyone else.”
While I was in the border defense unit, I wasn’t alone. Even in this hellish place, there were small blessings—structure, routine, people.
But the moment I got discharged, all that would vanish.
If I didn’t take action myself, I’d stagnate—friendless and forgotten.
“You’re my only friend, so you have to keep in touch, okay? I have no one else.”
“We’ll meet every day.”
It was a short answer, but his voice was full of sincerity.
And somehow—ridiculous as it sounds—that was what made me decide.
I opened my mouth.
And spoke the word.
My name.
The instant I did, the black magic activated.
A book unfurled in my mind, its pages flipping rapidly as lines of text rained into me—
“Ah.”
Forgotten scenes from the original story pierced into my mind like arrows.
When it was all over—
“…It’s gone.”
I realized that my name from the previous world had vanished completely from my memory.
Yeah… I knew it was a good trade, logically. But still—
“It’s really gone.”
Something huge inside me had been torn away.
The emptiness it left behind chilled me to the bone, like cold wind whistling through a hole that would never close.
“It’s gotten colder again.”
So I leaned into Aquila, who had silently stayed by my side all this time.
Someday, this cold would fade.
Someday, I would gain things far greater than the name I’d lost—
And warmth would return.
After calming down a bit, I arrived in front of the women’s dormitory, and that was when I recalled a scene from Four Madmen Obsess Over Me.
When Dalin enlisted, the original Sarubia was already dead—so only Beni used the women’s dorm.
Dalin had asked Beni whether she’d been living there alone, and Beni’s answer had been—
“Yeah, just me. There used to be two others here, but one was promoted to commanding officer… and the other… never mind.”
‘Wow, I remember even the dialogue word for word.’
As expected, the black magic worked insanely well. No wonder it was banned by the state. The most addictive things are always illegal for a reason. If it weren’t, I might have ended up a black magic addict myself…
Anyway, back to the point.
Beni’s line in the original was meant to highlight “the death of Sarubia, the first love of the male leads,” but it also contained a clue about Yuri’s fate!
‘Yuri was promoted safely to commanding officer.’
That meant there was only one person who died during this march.
“Altair.”
…I had to stop it, no matter what.
