Chapter 4
Because I was too afraid of ruining our relationship, I kept hesitating and doing nothing.
And while I was busy being a coward, Eve finally entered Hares’s sight.
Well, wasn’t this hopeless already? Even if I did nothing, Hares would fall for her soon.
So I decided — if things were going to end anyway, I might as well try.
Maybe I couldn’t make him love me, but perhaps he could at least see me as a woman.
With that thought, I sniffled and clenched my fist tightly.
“I… I can do this!”
The next day, at the grand ballroom—
“Lord Irisel, I met you at the last equestrian competition. Do you happen to remember me?”
Within seconds, all my confidence crumbled.
Eve was now the undisputed rising star of high society.
Women admired her and wanted to befriend her.
Men adored her and competed to win her heart.
I felt the same way — I couldn’t hate her, even knowing that Hares was interested in her.
At least… that was true until just a few moments ago.
Because the Eve I knew — who usually waited for others to approach her — had taken the first step herself toward Hares.
She smiled and said, “I thought you looked incredibly dashing on horseback at the competition.”
All the guests around us watched anxiously, glancing between Hares and Eve.
Even Hares, who was rarely awkward, nodded stiffly.
He was obviously self-conscious around her beauty.
Eve smiled serenely, perfectly aware of how lovely she looked, and added,
“May I ask… what kind of relationship you have with Lady Rize Chelsea? Are you perhaps… engaged?”
Tilting her head, she asked innocently.
Hares glanced sideways at me, then grinned playfully.
“Of course not. She’s like a little sister to me.”
He slung his arm casually around my shoulders.
I frowned and tried to pull his arm off, but it was useless.
At his clear denial, Eve looked visibly relieved — nodding with a sweet, innocent expression that made everyone around us melt.
Her beauty shone even brighter when she smiled like that.
“Oh, I was just curious. You always arrive together, and this is actually my first time attending the capital’s social season. I didn’t realize you two were so close.”
She tilted her head modestly and smiled.
Her friend quickly chimed in,
“They’re more like siblings than friends! Everyone in society knows it. Even though they’re childhood friends, Lord Irisel always escorts her to events.”
Eve nodded, clearly impressed.
“It’s very kind of you. Escorting a friend isn’t exactly common — you must be a very considerate person.”
That was how things were supposed to go — just like in the original story.
In the novel, before Eve truly fell for the male lead, she met Hares at the ball and became intrigued by him.
The real male lead, who was disguised and observing from afar, grew jealous, eventually cutting off their growing closeness.
But by then, Hares had already fallen deeply for her.
After my death, Hares would begin to obsess over Eve completely.
Honestly, it was still hard to imagine the Hares I knew being obsessed with anyone.
He wasn’t that kind of person — not yet.
Even now, his behavior toward the girl he supposedly found “interesting” felt casual, distant.
So distant, in fact, that Eve had to ask him first,
“Will you be attending the upcoming hunting festival?”
“I believe so.”
“Then… may I offer you my handkerchief?”
The crowd gasped softly. Both Eve and Hares were beloved figures — their every gesture was fascinating to watch.
“Ah.”
Last year, I had given Hares a handkerchief myself.
Though, embarrassed as I was, I had practically thrown it at his face.
I could still hear him teasing me.
“Did you embroider this for me yourself? You’re terrible at it.”
Even so, Hares had tied my handkerchief proudly to his sword throughout the festival.
He’d even kept it afterward — I knew that much.
Our eyes met briefly across the ballroom, and he leaned closer, whispering,
“Hey, are you giving me a handkerchief this year?”
The truth was, I’d been preparing it for months.
I even asked a maid to teach me embroidery so I could make it properly.
This time, I’d embroidered a black lion — his family’s crest — along with his initials.
It had turned out beautifully, and I’d been quietly proud of it.
I almost nodded. But then, I met Eve’s gaze — those clear, gray-blue eyes full of sincerity — and guilt pricked my chest.
Originally, I wanted to let the story unfold as it should.
But I didn’t know how long I’d live… and I was tired of holding back.
Even if it doesn’t work out, I’ll at least try to make him see me as a woman.
That was why I’d come tonight wearing a dress I’d never dare to wear before — one that revealed my shoulders and neckline.
It hugged my waist and lifted my chest just enough to accentuate my figure.
And yet, Hares didn’t even blink.
Disappointed as I was, I wasn’t giving up yet.
So I nodded.
“I made one again this year. Figured you used last year’s well.”
“Oh, yeah?”
He turned back to Eve and said politely,
“I’m afraid I can’t accept yours, Lady Eve.”
“Oh, because Lady Chelsea has already made one for you?”
“Yes. She’s the person closest to me, after all. I’m sorry.”
Eve hesitated, then asked softly,
“Then… may I at least have this dance?”
“Ah…”
Hares had already danced once with me.
According to etiquette, he couldn’t dance two consecutive songs with the same partner — not without raising eyebrows.
And since he’d just refused her handkerchief, refusing to dance would’ve been impolite.
But if I tried to stop him, I’d look ridiculous — I wasn’t his fiancée, after all.
When he glanced at me uncertainly, I gave him a small smile and stepped back.
“I’ll get some fresh air on the balcony. It’s a bit warm.”
Truthfully, I just didn’t want to stay there and watch.
“You’re going to drink lemonade, right?” he asked, knowing my habit of always having a glass after dancing.
I nodded once and left.
Even as I walked away, all my attention was still on them.
It wasn’t unusual for Hares to dance with other women — there were never enough male partners at these events.
And I’d never been jealous before, because I knew none of it meant anything.
But this time was different.
This time, it felt like something heavy pressed against my chest, making it hard to breathe.
Maybe I should’ve stopped him somehow. Made an excuse, done something.
Maybe I shouldn’t have let him go.
Thinking that, I stepped out onto the empty balcony.
Inside me, everything felt tangled and hollow.
It was like the feeling I always got when I came home to an empty house.
That deep, gnawing loneliness.
Like a tiny star trembling over a lake’s surface, nowhere to land.
It felt like I had taken something I wasn’t meant to desire — and now I was paying the price.
Because now I had to stand here and watch Eve and Hares dancing together, looking perfect.
The music swelled, and the two of them began to dance.
Hares took her elegant, ivory-pale hand and placed the other on her slim waist, guiding her gracefully across the floor.
‘I used to be his dance partner,’ I thought bitterly.
Unlike me — a complete klutz — Hares was naturally good at anything physical.
I always stepped on his feet, and though he scolded me endlessly, he never gave up on teaching me.
He’d mock me but still patiently guide me, smiling.
Remembering that, my chest tightened.
Time really flies.
Just one more day, I always told myself.
Just one more day beside him.
But even now, faced with the story’s destined heroine, I still couldn’t let go.
At one point, Eve stumbled slightly, and Hares caught her firmly by the waist, asking if she was all right.
She blushed and smiled — that bright, fresh smile Hares had always adored in the novel.
‘I can’t live without you,’ I thought.
‘Maybe his heart was already taken with just that one dance.’
My nose stung, and my eyes began to burn.
I turned away quickly, closed the balcony door, and leaned against it, lowering my head.
Behind me, laughter filled the ballroom, the orchestra played, and couples danced.
Life went on — with or without me.
I knew it was foolish to keep hiding, but I couldn’t bear to watch them together.
Not tonight.
I’d always known — Hares was destined to belong to Eve.
The second male lead exists only for the heroine, after all.
He doesn’t fall in love with side characters like me — background figures barely mentioned in the story.
‘Is there anything sadder,’ I thought, ‘than loving someone who was never meant to be yours?’
With that, I bit my lip hard to keep from crying.
‘Will there ever come a day,’ I wondered, ‘when I can stop loving you?’
